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Original poster

Dating an older man with a young child

73 replies

Clickclare · 25/03/2025 18:54

Hi everyone !
so I met someone 3 weeks ago he’s 58 and I am 51, we swapped numbers and started speaking on WhatsApp. His profile picture is of a young girl who I assumed was his granddaughter anyway it turned out to be his 5 year old daughter 😳
a week into the relationship he had his daughter for the weekend and asked for me to join them on a day out to a kids inflatable park, I said I wasn’t able to go but in the end I did. My own children are 31, 25 who do not live at home anymore and my youngest girls are 17, 13 and 12 so I have had quite a few years of having a taste of my own freedom back from dependant children.
the following week he says he has booked time off work to have his daughter through the school holidays and that his ex partner wanted to go away for a week so he will be having his daughter then too he also has her every fortnight Friday til the Sunday
i just didn’t feel like I wanted to go back down that route with young children again especially when he has asked me to go to his as he had his daughter there again I declined and he said his daughter needs to get used to me ! We have only been dating 4 weeks !
what would you do if it was your situation would you choose to end the relationship all advice would be gratefully accepted thankyou in advance !

OP posts:
Olika · 25/03/2025 19:57

Just walk away.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 25/03/2025 20:01

Introducing random women to his five year old 🚩 (wants a nanny with a fanny).

TwistedWonder · 25/03/2025 20:01

By the time his poor DD is 18 she’ll have had more daddy’s new gf’s dragged into her life than Harvey Price has had step dads if he thinks this is acceptable.

Hes looking for a combined nanny with a fanny/nurse with a purse to make his life easier without worrying about what you or his daughter actually want.

More red flags than Moscow on May Day

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 25/03/2025 20:04

Any parent who tries to make their young kid meet a complete stranger who they've dated for a few hours is by definition a terrible parent.

This should send alarm bells ringing that the man does not put his child's best interests first and is therefore not worth dating.

Dotty87 · 25/03/2025 20:18

He isn’t interested in dating you, otherwise he’d get a babysitter for his DD and want to spend one on one time getting to know you.

He’s just lining you up for childcare, you’ll be stuck as step mum to his DD in no time. Run fast!

SometimesCalmPerson · 25/03/2025 20:20

He’s blatantly looking for a woman to do his childcare for him, so of course he’s nice and charming three weeks after meeting you. Unless you want to bring up someone else’s child with a man who will lose interest in you as soon as he’s got you sucked in, you need to run away fast.

Shitshower · 25/03/2025 20:27

My ex is like this, he’s a similar age, our child is a few years older than the one you describe, and he has a very new partner the same age (started as friends apparently)

He is exactly like this, he talks about her to our DD, he lets our DD read messages between them, on the one day he had her they “met for coffee” despite him having may other free days.

He has previously told DD at great length why he and other girlfriends have broken up.

He pushes and pushes, and always has. When we met he had a child and did similar and before I knew it I was stepmum and had missed out the girlfriend bit.

I would now be very suspicious of why someone would be like that now

Kitchensinktoday · 25/03/2025 21:27

Clickclare · 25/03/2025 19:05

He is a really nice man but it’s only early days so I can’t say if it will go anywhere I don’t mean to come across as being selfish but the thought of not having much time together as he works nights also without having his daughter along side is not what I envisaged in dating at my own age let alone his

Even if he was the nicest man on the planet, the 5yr old and the night-shifts mean he’s not right for you (and not much of a catch I’m sorry to say).

My ex is in a similar position; after our marriage broke down, he went on to have another short marriage (with a child, this time). He will now be 58 with an 8yr-old who has some additional needs. Not many women of a similar age, or younger, are looking for that.

Original poster
Clickclare · 25/03/2025 21:40

Kitchensinktoday · 25/03/2025 21:27

Even if he was the nicest man on the planet, the 5yr old and the night-shifts mean he’s not right for you (and not much of a catch I’m sorry to say).

My ex is in a similar position; after our marriage broke down, he went on to have another short marriage (with a child, this time). He will now be 58 with an 8yr-old who has some additional needs. Not many women of a similar age, or younger, are looking for that.

Show quote history

You are so right and after reading all these comments it has made me see sense, I don’t know how these men can even contemplate even trying to find a partner 🤷🏼‍♀️ because I did automatically think he was looking for someone to babysit his kid and my babysitting days are well over !

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 26/03/2025 10:17

Completely missing the point here but if he is 58 how old is the childs mother?

Bananalanacake · 26/03/2025 10:27

Put your foot down and say
" I'm happy to date you but do not want to meet your daughter for at least another 2 years".
His reaction will tell you how he sees you.

MattCauthon · 26/03/2025 10:31

After 4 weeks of dating I hadn't even introduced now DH to my best friend. It's completely batshit that he wants you to be taking on a mothring role this quickly so run becuse that's clearly ALL he wants.

JenniferBooth · 26/03/2025 14:20

Bananalanacake · 26/03/2025 10:27

Put your foot down and say
" I'm happy to date you but do not want to meet your daughter for at least another 2 years".
His reaction will tell you how he sees you.

He might just think that he will just have to leave the child with his elderly mum a bit more

Original poster
Clickclare · 26/03/2025 15:59

Psychoticbreak · 26/03/2025 10:17

Completely missing the point here but if he is 58 how old is the childs mother?

18 years younger than him ! Says it all doesn’t it really !

OP posts:
Original poster
Clickclare · 26/03/2025 16:08

Bananalanacake · 26/03/2025 10:27

Put your foot down and say
" I'm happy to date you but do not want to meet your daughter for at least another 2 years".
His reaction will tell you how he sees you.

I told him today that he won’t have much free time available for us to do anything together so will have to leave him to it .. his reaction was “okay I understand if that’s how you feel live your life because that’s what it’s for “ so basically yes you were all right thanks everyone for the comments I nearly ended up being manipulated there with that one !

OP posts:
scoobysnaxx · 26/03/2025 16:44

Babysitter..

Nannywithafanny..

😂😂

Aligirlbear · 26/03/2025 17:36

Sorry but this feels / reads like he is looking for a baby sitter for his daughter. Personally I would move on quickly, you don’t need to pick up someone else’s parenting issues.

JenniferBooth · 26/03/2025 19:41

Clickclare · 26/03/2025 16:08

I told him today that he won’t have much free time available for us to do anything together so will have to leave him to it .. his reaction was “okay I understand if that’s how you feel live your life because that’s what it’s for “ so basically yes you were all right thanks everyone for the comments I nearly ended up being manipulated there with that one !

Show quote history

So he didnt want to spend time just with you . Yes hunting for a stepmum

TwistedWonder · 26/03/2025 19:45

Clickclare · 26/03/2025 16:08

I told him today that he won’t have much free time available for us to do anything together so will have to leave him to it .. his reaction was “okay I understand if that’s how you feel live your life because that’s what it’s for “ so basically yes you were all right thanks everyone for the comments I nearly ended up being manipulated there with that one !

Show quote history

Roughly translated ‘oh bollocks that’s another potential nanny with a fanny sussed me out’

AnonAnonmystery · 26/03/2025 21:23

It’s really irresponsible parenting on his part and if im
honest, looks like he wants a partner to help with childcare! 4 weeks in should be romantic dinners ect not soft play or whatever it was. You don’t need to meet or be involved in his DDs life for a very long time!

Rainbowqueeen · 26/03/2025 21:27

Good decision OP. This man is bad news all round. Imagine introducing your 5 year old to someone you've only been dating for a week.

Kitchensinktoday · 26/03/2025 22:10

if I’m honest, it looks like he wants a partner to help with childcare! 4 weeks in should be romantic dinners ect not soft play or whatever it was

Totally agree

Wishingplenty · 27/03/2025 07:20

Believe me, he will be looking for free childcare. Men are notorious for doing this. Don't fall for it, he is trying to find some mug to offload his dd to when he has her, because he basically can't be bothered.

Kitchensinktoday · 27/03/2025 08:14

I think he may struggle to find a partner, I don't mean to sound awful but how many people of his age (or younger) are going to want a 58yr old man with a 5yr old?

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 08:21

Kitchensinktoday · 27/03/2025 08:14

I think he may struggle to find a partner, I don't mean to sound awful but how many people of his age (or younger) are going to want a 58yr old man with a 5yr old?

Agree. My friend went on a date recently (she’s 60 with grandchildren) and the 62 year old man dropped into the conversation he’s got school age kids. She was thinking teenagers and then he said ‘5&7’ - erm no thanks mate