Please be kind as I am having a very hard time navigating my way around this and what to do for the best. I would appreciate any thoughts.
Last weekend, myself, my husband and his friend (he is not a massively close friend, but still a friend, he doesn’t see him often but he lives near us and we do see him in passing, he is recently single and probably a bit out of sorts so we offered to go out with him to cheer him up, DH is a very nice guy) went out and basically got quite drunk all of us. Very unlike me and DH to do this.
Long story short- husband went to toilet- his friend made a pass at me and kissed me. It was passionate but not long. My problem is- I cannot hardly remember the kiss or anything that happened. I remember the kiss briefly and that it was him that instigated it.
Basically the evening was so messy it resulted in my husband putting him to bed at his home (DH was also very drunk) but I know that’s no excuse.
I had a message from husband’s friend the next morning asking how I was feeling and that if I remembered we kissed. I said yes and apologised to put him in that position. He responded with don’t be sorry and it takes 2 to tango. I said should I tell my husband. He said it might not be a good idea because it may split us up but it’s up to me. We both ended up agreeing to just leave it and not say anything. I do feel we could all move past this but the guilt I am feeling is very painful. This is so out of character for me to do something like this.
I know DH was also texting friend the next day in normal conversation and they have also made a plan in a few months time to meet again but not involving drink. How can I allow that to happen?
What do I do?
1- tell husband what happened gently. He has had his suspicions about the evening and noticed friend being flirty with me. If I tell him I’m worried it is going to cause a massive distrust, he has self confidence issues and he is distrustful of me anyway (previous relationships)
2- not tell him, like friend suggested. But I am worried this will get to DH before me. I don’t 100% trust that his friend won’t say something to another mutual friend, I don’t know. We don’t have a close friendship group as such but we have a few mutual friends.
I am leaning towards option 1, I would want to know if that was me. I know for a 10000% fact this would never happen again and I am willing to work through this to secure his trust again. even pay for us to go to counselling and understand why this happened. I also never want to be in a position where I am alone with friend again, let alone allowing DH to see him.
I am worried if DH sees friend again and then finds out what happened and he would never forgive me for allowing that.
I hope that makes sense, sorry if any of the above doesn’t, I am feeling very lost at the moment and so upset with what I have done to him We also have a DS who is 3.
Please be kind but equally I would like others opinions. Thank you for reading