What kind of GM wont allow her gc in her house

[needagoodnightsleep1]

Just looking for a safe place to rant really. So fed up of ex mil. Exh and I are separated and he's been living with him dm. He is saving up for his own place.
Ex mil refuses to allow my dd round there when he is there at the weekends. Shes been away this week/weekend and actually messaged him saying dd was not allowed in the house even though she is not there!!
I know she can have who ever she wants in her house but why be so cruel to a 5 year old. It's her dgd, her son's dd not a stranger.
I honestly cant get my head around it

Is it definitely the MiL and not your ex using her as an excuse to get out of childcare?

As pp said - have you seen the messages ?

I’ve honestly never heard of such a thing. Is there a back story?

Definitely the mil, she has never ever been asked to have dd. Dd attends a couple of activities on Saturday with a couple of hours free in between them, so she wouldn’t actually be there for long. I also saw her message saying dd better not be at her house

Is this the DGM who has never had any interest in grandkids and leaves presents in a bin bag at the door? She’s not going to change, she sounds batshit.

Honestly no back story whatsoever, other than i ended my marriage and asked her ds to leave. We have never had a cross word or a disagreement ever.

@Bailamosse yes the exact one!! I at least thought she would be able to see her df in his home!!

That's awful. What a bitch. What does your ex think about this?

What was her relationship with your daughter like before the split? Is this behaviour, while awful, unexpected?

He obviously not very happy about it, but when he tries to discuss it with her she gets aggressive throws things and threatens to throw him out on the street. He knows he has to get somewhere sooner rather than later. Ive just never know of or heard of a gm treat her dgc so awfully. I go nowhere near the house or her that would never be an issue.

Is he a bit of a shit parent and she’s tired of him being there causing chaos in her house? Not saying that’s an excuse, but that would be my assumption what’s behind it.

That said, my MIL met and married a man who is not allowed contact with children (I’ll let you use your imagination there), so my dc haven’t been allowed to her house since (about 10 years now) because having a man in more important than your grandchildren. 🙄

She actually hasn't seen my dd for about 4 years, her choice, as a pp mentioned from a previous post I wrote a long time ago she would take over Christmas and birthday presents and leave them in bags in the bin. Then text after she had left to say they were there. I thought she might welcome the chance to get to know her dgd without me not been there

It's too weird without a 'reason'.

Has your ex MIL or your ex ever offered anything that even resembles a reason?

Playing devil’s advocate here but is it possible that he does no parenting or tidying etc when dd goes round and his mum doesn’t want the mess? (If dd broke or ruined something I assume MIL or your ex would have told you)

To be fair he is a pretty hands on dad, would never ask her to look after dd. Saturday is spent running between activities so she wouldn't be there for long at all. This weekend she wasn't even there but left notes in the kitchen and messaged to make sure he would not take her there

When you were with ex, did MIL visit you or did you visit MIL? If she generally visited you then I suspect it’s mess that he isn’t clearing up.

My daughters grandparents (my inlaws) want nothing to do with her either, no explanation given. They don't send gifts, cards, texts and never visit. They cut off my partner when she gave birth, no explanation. Despite us trying to make amends, we always get so far and then back to ignoring us. We have learned to live with it and now wouldn't let her anywhere near them on account that we know nothing about what they've been doing for the best part of 10 years. Think it might be a blessing in disguise that your daughter isn't exposed to someone who sounds volatile. If you have a decent relationship with your ex - could he visit her at your house until he finds somewhere else?

The only reason she has given is that she will not have me dictate who she has in her home. Because i once suggested to exh that he could have his daughter overnight at his dm's

How often did she see her granddaughter before the split?

Awful behaviour from the grandmother. I have several young GC and cannot think of any circumstance where they would not be welcome in my house, regardless of their parents

Well she's obviously completely barking 🙄 your ex needs to get his own place! I wouldn't want the grandmother anywhere near my children anyway.

She has not seen her 5 year old DGD for 4 years? That’s the wider problem. Why not?

Dd has never been round there to make a mess or break anything. She hasn't seen her gm for about 4 years. Ex mil used to visit in the first year after dd was birth. We were rushing out one Christmas eve when she came to drop off presents, I apologised and said we are running late to an event and i couldn't ask her in for a cup of tea. Since then she never came round. We obviously explained at the time we didn't mean to offend her

Could it be the Mil has some kind of OCD type anxiety concerning say germs, or other fears about contact? This somehow smacks of extreme avoidance on her part that may be nothing to do with you or Dd yourselves, but something she wrestles with.

Wow. I can imagine it’s hard not to feel hurt on your DD’s behalf. But your ex-MIL sounds really strange and unpleasant so perhaps it’s just as well she’s excluding herself from your DD’s life!