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Original poster

Nappy Argument - Again

28 replies

NappyArgument · 22/03/2025 12:29

I posted a month ago about how I made DH change one of our babies nappies and he got really funny about it.

Last weekend, she needed changing and I needed to go to the loo so I asked DH if he'd do it and he said yes so I thought oh great, passed him to her and went to the toilet. TMI but I was on my period and it took me a little longer than usual.

Eventually I heard him get up with a sigh and take DD to change her, I went downstairs straight away because I could sense he wasn't happy, and he started saying to her "lie still!" he wasn't shouting at her but he didn't have a nice or joking tone with her. I went in and asked if he needed me to do anything, he said no so I went out but then he shouted at me to come and do it. I told him to wait while I came back, and I went and took over and did it.

I feel awful for DD that he was like this again with her, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that last time was a one off, someone on the last thread said he was training me not to ask and I didn't want that to happen, but it has.

We talked about it afterwards and he said he isn't lazy, that he does stuff for her, that he'd had her in the carrier earlier and that he felt like I just want to "make him" do the nappy. I said it wasn't that, that I just needed to go to the loo, if he is feeling angry about doing it he should have told me before etc.

I can never ask him to change another nappy now can I.

To have made DH change the nappy? | Mumsnet

I need your opinion on if IABU or not. DD is 8 months old and needed her nappy changing earlier. I made DH do it. He wasn’t happy about it, as he wa...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5280440-to-have-made-dh-change-the-nappy

OP posts:
madaffodil · 22/03/2025 12:33

He sounds horrible. Are you sure you want to stay in a relationship with someone who views their baby as an annoying inconvenience?

parietal · 22/03/2025 12:34

sorry, I can’t see the previous thread. Does he actually know how to change a nappy? He needs to do it regularly to get good at it. And you might need to show him. Or you both need to agree that he does other jobs instead.

UncharteredWaters · 22/03/2025 12:34

He needs to change 50% of them without attitude. Otherwise he’s training you not to ask.

moanafan · 22/03/2025 12:37

He sounds so unsupportive I’m not sure why he deserves to have a family that puts up with this! Having read both of your posts I would 100% be saying very clearly to him that he steps up immediately and gets a grip on what a parents expectations are, or that is it. You haven’t got time to be pandering to his childish ways! So sorry you’ve not got the support you should have from a partner.

madaffodil · 22/03/2025 12:38

parietal · 22/03/2025 12:34

sorry, I can’t see the previous thread. Does he actually know how to change a nappy? He needs to do it regularly to get good at it. And you might need to show him. Or you both need to agree that he does other jobs instead.

I don't suppose the OP magically knew how to change a nappy either. Having a penis does not prevent you from learning how to do it yourself.

sexnotgenders · 22/03/2025 12:39

Honestly OP, I’m shocked you’re still with that prick after reading your last thread. Please tell me that you at least realise that both you and your daughter deserve better than this?!?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/03/2025 12:41

Isn’t this far worse than the answers above and not simply about changing a nappy?

he got angry at a baby for not staying still.

im no therapist, but in my mind that is get your babies out of his contact as fast as you possibly can.

NurseButtercup · 22/03/2025 12:54

I'm willing to bet that this behaviour of your husband is not just limited to nappy changing. I urge you to look up & absorb the advice of these three ladies who you can find on tiktok or Instagram:

Rose.hackwoman
Thatdarnchat (Laura Danger)
Mel Hamlett

Good luck

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/03/2025 12:58

Why are you with him?.

Do not remain with such a man because of or for your child.

Gowlett · 22/03/2025 13:03

You wanted to “make him” do the nappy…

You needed to stop blood flowing out of yourself.

You had to jump in to do it yourself.

Because he just didn’t want to do it.

Now you’re in the wrong. Sounds familiar!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 22/03/2025 13:06

@NappyArgument he is not ready to be a dad, is he???? give him a clothes peg and tell him to get on with it! he cannot pick and choose what he wants to do for his baby!

FaerieGodmother · 22/03/2025 13:07

You feel awful for dd, but are planning to just let him away with shouting at a literal baby? Are you for real?

Buttonknot · 22/03/2025 13:09

When he said he felt that you wanted to make him change the nappy, you should have agreed with him. Why do you feel that you need a reason not to do it? He's her dad, he should change her nappy sometimes, it shouldn't always be you. Does he pull his weight in other ways OP?

TwistedWonder · 22/03/2025 13:10

So your previous thread was 90% in your favour and you haven’t taken that on board so what are you expecting by different from this thread?

Nk one is born knowing how to be a good parent - we all learn as we go along and changing nappies is something we need practice. Having a vagina doesn’t mean you’re the default nappy changer - he needs to grow the fuck up and step up. Shouting at a baby - what a prince he sounds!

RunLikeTheWild · 22/03/2025 13:16

Eventually I heard him get up with a sigh and take DD to change her, I went downstairs straight away because I could sense he wasn't happy, and he started saying to her "lie still!" he wasn't shouting at her but he didn't have a nice or joking tone with her. I went in and asked if he needed me to do anything

If it was anything else, like making dinner or vacuuming, I'd say let him get on with it without going downstairs straight away because you sense he's not happy, without asking if he needed you to do anything.

I'd be asking you what would happen if you let him be unhappy?
Why do you feel the need to jump in and ease his unhappiness or discomfort?

But obviously this situation involves real live baby with feelings that is getting treated less than lovingly just for needing a nappy changing so you can't just let him get on with it. You can't let him deal with his own discomfort and irritation because of the risk to the baby.

It's normal to feel very resentful that he is using this passive aggressive bullshit ie loudly sighing, not expressing himself directly, training you to understand/sense his cues etc

LurkyMcLurkinson · 22/03/2025 13:41

NappyArgument · 22/03/2025 12:29

I posted a month ago about how I made DH change one of our babies nappies and he got really funny about it.

Last weekend, she needed changing and I needed to go to the loo so I asked DH if he'd do it and he said yes so I thought oh great, passed him to her and went to the toilet. TMI but I was on my period and it took me a little longer than usual.

Eventually I heard him get up with a sigh and take DD to change her, I went downstairs straight away because I could sense he wasn't happy, and he started saying to her "lie still!" he wasn't shouting at her but he didn't have a nice or joking tone with her. I went in and asked if he needed me to do anything, he said no so I went out but then he shouted at me to come and do it. I told him to wait while I came back, and I went and took over and did it.

I feel awful for DD that he was like this again with her, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that last time was a one off, someone on the last thread said he was training me not to ask and I didn't want that to happen, but it has.

We talked about it afterwards and he said he isn't lazy, that he does stuff for her, that he'd had her in the carrier earlier and that he felt like I just want to "make him" do the nappy. I said it wasn't that, that I just needed to go to the loo, if he is feeling angry about doing it he should have told me before etc.

I can never ask him to change another nappy now can I.

I don’t think it’s as simple as not allowing him
to change another nappy, it’s more about whether you’re happy for your daughter to be exposed to her mother being domestically abused and living in a home where she learns that people do as they’re told and don’t advocate for themselves or have to live in an environment full of tension and hostility, treading on egg shells, fearing what will set off the perpetrator next. If it helps research would suggest your daughter in that instance would be more likely to be a victim of domestic abuse as an adult herself, more likely to suffer with her mental health and more likely to have problems with substances.

mindutopia · 22/03/2025 14:08

I assume this is your first child, because changing a nappy is literally the easiest thing to do. Wait til they’re 3 and projectile vomiting everywhere and he’s on washing load 3 and having to shampoo vomit out of the carpet. Or when they’re 14 and telling him they hate him and he can’t tell them what to do and storming out the door. Like it doesn’t get easier from here. 😂 He needs to buck up his attitude and parent his child. It’s best he learns now while life is still easy.

Bubblenum · 22/03/2025 15:23

NappyArgument · 22/03/2025 12:29

I posted a month ago about how I made DH change one of our babies nappies and he got really funny about it.

Last weekend, she needed changing and I needed to go to the loo so I asked DH if he'd do it and he said yes so I thought oh great, passed him to her and went to the toilet. TMI but I was on my period and it took me a little longer than usual.

Eventually I heard him get up with a sigh and take DD to change her, I went downstairs straight away because I could sense he wasn't happy, and he started saying to her "lie still!" he wasn't shouting at her but he didn't have a nice or joking tone with her. I went in and asked if he needed me to do anything, he said no so I went out but then he shouted at me to come and do it. I told him to wait while I came back, and I went and took over and did it.

I feel awful for DD that he was like this again with her, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that last time was a one off, someone on the last thread said he was training me not to ask and I didn't want that to happen, but it has.

We talked about it afterwards and he said he isn't lazy, that he does stuff for her, that he'd had her in the carrier earlier and that he felt like I just want to "make him" do the nappy. I said it wasn't that, that I just needed to go to the loo, if he is feeling angry about doing it he should have told me before etc.

I can never ask him to change another nappy now can I.

i haven’t seen your other thread but your DD has two parents whom should both change the diapers. it shouldn’t just be a woman’s job. sometimes men need to be told what to do otherwise they won’t ever do things but it sounds like he doesn’t even want to be asked or told to do anything. He’s a man child and needs to grow up. have a convo with him and tell him if he doesn’t start being a parent you will move on. i hope you’re on contraception also because if you have another baby to him you will raise 2 kids alone

Easterbunnygettingsorted · 22/03/2025 15:31

Is it be possible it's because she is a girl? Awkward getting her clean if it's a poo? Could you suggest he pops her in the bath instead?

lottiegarbanzo · 22/03/2025 16:14

WTF? Did he not want children?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/03/2025 17:04

I can never ask him to change another nappy now can I.

How on earth is that your takeaway from this?! Of course he should changing her nappies. You shouldn’t even have to ask. ‘Having her in the carrier’ for a bit is nothing. She’s his child and just as much his responsibility as she is yours. He should be pulling his weight with regards to all childcare, which includes shitty nappies.

How is any of this even a question, OP?

Original poster
NappyArgument · 23/03/2025 22:21

ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/03/2025 17:04

I can never ask him to change another nappy now can I.

How on earth is that your takeaway from this?! Of course he should changing her nappies. You shouldn’t even have to ask. ‘Having her in the carrier’ for a bit is nothing. She’s his child and just as much his responsibility as she is yours. He should be pulling his weight with regards to all childcare, which includes shitty nappies.

How is any of this even a question, OP?

I feel like I can’t ask him again because it’s not fair on DD, I don’t want her to be getting changed by an angry Dad, she’s done nothing to deserve that.

He did change one today, completely unprompted by me and with no issues, to be fair to him.

He also does one most mornings, I think it was my other thread I said it, but I think he just does it so I clean up after our incontinent dog and make him his breakfast and packed lunch.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 23/03/2025 22:25

She shouldn’t have to put up with an ‘angry dad’ full stop. Ever. Leave.

sillysmiles · 23/03/2025 22:27

How is he going to mind her alone at any point if he's not capable of this?

Switcher · 23/03/2025 22:44

Yeah that isn't going to get better. I'd explain his behaviour is a deal breaker and see if he's willing to engage at all. Otherwise really not a keeper.