Page 3 | Ghosted…rejected…whatever it’s called, it hurts!!

Original poster

SingleRoo123 · 22/03/2025 10:43

FluffyDashhound · 22/03/2025 10:14

I had a marriage breakdown 3 years ago been together since 17 to 33. We didn't get on he woukdnt accept it was over so I met someone else in haste anyways I hadn't realised I was grieving the marriage and what I wanted and needed. I put all that energy into a project of a man. Then was absolutely devastated (that wail you see on tiktok about a woman never doing this twice that one) when he just wasn't what my husband was and on reflecting I enjoyed his friendship I enjoyed the cuddles and feeling safe. I just wanted him to be everything I wanted I wanted to mould him. I paid for all his driving lessons taught him to drive as well he sacked 10 hours of the 40 I.pajd for. Spoke to my dd like.shit. ruined the holiday wrote 2 cars of of mine anyways I got him a flat thankgod as my subconscious mind knew I was being used. I find out he's a crack addict. I keep breaking up with him and when he's sober I.keep having him back but again I know deep down I'm being used now for sex and food when he's skint. My point is your head and heart need to feel and grieve your marriage even if you have grieved have you? Usually the first sign of fully getting over is you don't have any hate or anything for ex husband I now feel no hate for ex husband at all. Nothing. I wish him well. Change ya hair colour and cut and have a few casual sexual encounters. I need to do the casual but I just can't do it because I worry of the consequences for this on and off bf as he has a violent streak previous conviction not for women (not physical with me) but I know deep down I need to get under to get over. So in all honesty go on bumble and either state casual or long term partner.

As for the bloke you need to see what he's saying. Remember thoughts affect feelings feelings affect behaviour behaviour affects us physically. So actions do indeed speak louder than words it's took me ages to even comprehend this.

So he's told you he wants casual sex so do you want to leave it there or not if not put the feelers out and say do you want a fwb arrangement no jealousy no commitment and whilst doing this go on bumble and seek.out a long term.partner he isn't it.

Good god that is absolutely awful. What a complete piece of shit. I’m sorry you had to go through such an awful time with what sounds like a truly awful person. It is no reflection on you, you sound like a lovely human doing your best for someone whilst hurting deep down.

I am over my past relationship. I wish my ex well even though he broke my heart into a million pieces and was utterly vile to me. I do miss having someone though, which sounds exactly like you. I don’t miss him but I miss a relationship.

OP posts:

guineapigsears · 22/03/2025 10:54

I commented earlier but I will say this:

I’d rather be ghosted than subjected to a long and detailed list of why he didn’t want anything to do with me. 🙃

Ghosting is grim, immature and makes you feel dreadful.. but be grateful that you do not understand how someone can be so cruel.

You’ll be ok. Put your phone away and go do something nice for yourself x

FluffyDashhound · 22/03/2025 11:04

SingleRoo123 · 22/03/2025 10:43

Good god that is absolutely awful. What a complete piece of shit. I’m sorry you had to go through such an awful time with what sounds like a truly awful person. It is no reflection on you, you sound like a lovely human doing your best for someone whilst hurting deep down.

I am over my past relationship. I wish my ex well even though he broke my heart into a million pieces and was utterly vile to me. I do miss having someone though, which sounds exactly like you. I don’t miss him but I miss a relationship.

Show quote history

It was and it still in. When he had his moments during a disagreement he rsn off and expected me to chase him sending messages saying he's sleeping under a tree and sometimes I did til I didn't then he came in had a paddy and ran outside with a big knife and slept in garden woke hi. At 2am took the knife before hand and he jumped and went for the knife I'd taken already. Calmed down once he started his adhd meds. Beat the shit out of my fridge. Smashed multiple of his phones (I've since realised this was to stop him going to drugs) however hadn't at that point. Again no violence meds meds. But he's moved out now saw yesterday and then most likely had a drug binge tells me ill see him tonight but yano I'm starting to not care now. I've gone back on sertraline need to be indeoendant again. I've always been independent but I think I wanted someone to be in charge so to speak as I am and have always been and i wanted someone to maybe just be dominant. But not like that. Currently in the date um til u hate um and I'm nearly there we have to many issues he isn't changing he isn't seeking help for his drug addiction issue is my daughter loves him she reallt does. She doesn't no the drug issue obviously that's issue at min. So I'm trying to become independent again do things without feeling I can't. Point of this is I was like you wanting thr same and that's what I ended up with obviously it was like I just wanted and needed it so accepted it. Slow flade now

FluffyDashhound · 22/03/2025 11:05

Also journalists feelings and thoughts in my secure folder on notes so no one reads them my God is very helpful

NordicGiant · 22/03/2025 11:19

SingleRoo123 · 22/03/2025 10:43

Good god that is absolutely awful. What a complete piece of shit. I’m sorry you had to go through such an awful time with what sounds like a truly awful person. It is no reflection on you, you sound like a lovely human doing your best for someone whilst hurting deep down.

I am over my past relationship. I wish my ex well even though he broke my heart into a million pieces and was utterly vile to me. I do miss having someone though, which sounds exactly like you. I don’t miss him but I miss a relationship.

Show quote history

From what I can tell, the first failed relationship, or attempt at a relationship, after the breakdown of a significant long term relationship or marriage hurts even worse than the original breakup.

People get utterly defeated by it, because then you've got two failed relationships, as well as the idea that there might be no one suitable out there at all to cope with.

Not only that, but being ghosted just plain hurts.

If you haven't already, block this person's number so there's absolutely no chance of receiving a message from him. It's that little bit of hope that kills you, as you keep checking your phone over and over. If he was going to act like a decent human being, he'd have done it by now.

Spacehop · 22/03/2025 11:28

NatureOverNightclubs · 22/03/2025 05:46

As for judging OP if it makes you feel better. I know someone a little bit, not super well but enough to chat to a bit. I (secretly) absolutely fancy the arse off him. If he was a work colleague who left and then kept in touch via friendly texts for eight months and we got together for a meet up? I would drink a massive glass of wine for courage and then be up those stairs two at a time like a rat up a drainpipe. I'd be ripping his fucking clothes off before we even got to the bedroom... and this is coming from someone guarded who hasn't had sex for over three years and is VERY fussy. There. I hope that made you giggle; and it sounds like he was shit in bed anyway! X

If he's single why not ask him out? You've got nothing to lose!

NatureOverNightclubs · 22/03/2025 13:54

Spacehop · 22/03/2025 11:28

If he's single why not ask him out? You've got nothing to lose!

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Fuuuuck that! I've given him a couple of subtle compliments that's as much as I'm stretching to. If he wanted to... he would.

SabreIsMyFave · 22/03/2025 14:09

Oh my gosh, I do feel so sad for you @SingleRoo123 you sound so confused, upset, and wounded. And it's hardly surprising! What an absolute piece of shit this man is. Why do men do this? WHY?

I think if you asked every woman you met if something like this had ever happened to them, they would say yes. Sometimes several times! Men do chase for many weeks, sometimes many months, and then get you into bed, and then never get in touch again. As a previous poster said, it's the thrill of the chase for many of them, and once they've 'had' you, they move onto another woman.

I've been convinced a man was 'the one' 4 or 5 times (way back in the past before I met my husband,) as said man was all over me, complimenting me, showering me with gifts, calling me all the time, and buying me flowers. Then after 3-4 months, I gave in and shagged him, and it was like I didn't exist after that.

I was left perplexed, hurt, angry, wondering what I'd done wrong. I called them and left messages but never got a response back. Just cut off. Ghosted. Happened 5 times over several years. I actually stopped dating after the 5th time, (for 2 and a half years!) Then I met my now DH ... I made him wait a YEAR before I slept with him. Poor bastard. He was so patient. 😆

A few days after we first slept together, he rang me and suggested we start looking for a flat together. So I didn't get ghosted that time. (Still married over 30 years later!) You will find a man who deserves you OP!

.

AlexandrinaH · 22/03/2025 15:11

OP, are you absolutely sure he’s not already in a relationship?

Original poster

SingleRoo123 · 22/03/2025 15:14

AlexandrinaH · 22/03/2025 15:11

OP, are you absolutely sure he’s not already in a relationship?

Apparently they split…oh god do you think he could still be with her?

OP posts:

Bubblenum · 22/03/2025 15:17

SingleRoo123 · 22/03/2025 01:17

Hi 👋 I left a very long term relationship a couple of years ago. My ex partner was mentally abusive, he would play mind games and put me down, saying I wasn’t worthy and no one else would want me (nice guy eh?!). My confidence was shattered. I didn’t bother with anyone as I was focusing on navigating a new life as a single parent of two kids, two dogs and a fish 🤣 Anyway, I gave myself some time and as the dust settled, I met a guy at work. We got on really well, spoke every day. I didn’t get too attached as he was a casual and I knew he was leaving plus we worked together so nothing could happen. When he left we exchanged numbers. We texted, chatted about anything and everything. There was an obvious attraction on both sides and texts became a bit flirty. We agreed to meet up, it was so good to see him as I hadn’t seen him for a couple of months and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. When we parted he said he would text me but guess what…nothing. I am beyond devastated. I’ve texted a couple of times, just mundane stuff, nothing clingy or desperate and still nothing. I’m upset at the fact we have built up this friendship/relationship for about eight months, we sleep together and then I am rejected. Has he played me for months and months just to get me into bed?! I don’t understand it at all. That’s a hefty long game to play for half an hour of fun. I’ve obviously developed an attachment as this is hurting me, it is physically hurting. I am struggling to eat and I am on the verge of tears constantly. I just don’t understand how someone can just toss another person to one side and not even have the decency to contact them. All I wanted was a hi how are you message but I haven’t even had that. I feel like such a fool, a pathetic fool. The rejection is awful. Please don’t judge me for sleeping with him, I feel bad enough 😭 Thanks for reading my tale of woe 🥲 x

First of all don’t beat yourself up over this, it’s 2025 loads of people sleep together the first night, there’s no rules anymore and that’s what you wanted to do in that moment. you’ve done nothing wrong by having sex on the first night so forget about that. Secondly lots of men ghost women because they’re cowards and can’t be arsed to explain to a woman they simply don’t want to see her again. that has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you so don’t take it personal. He’s going to do the same thing to other women i bet you’re not the first he’s done it to and you won’t be the last girl. i understand it stings but that chapter is over, remember you’re a strong woman and pull your big girl pants up and carry on as normal. you will meet a man who’s nothing but respectful when it’s your time :)

Dery · 22/03/2025 15:57

@SabreIsMyFave - IME men do this because it avoids difficult conversations and potentially (in their minds) allows the possibility of coming back, if they want to come back. Also for them, failing to get in touch communicates the key message which is “I’m just not that into you”. That’s been my general experience in any case.

DDM16 · 22/03/2025 16:52

Don’t beat yourself up about sleeping with him. Take this as a lesson for yourself. He’s obviously a total jerk and not a nice person. You will be ok and you will get over this. I would take nothing to do with him whatsoever in the future. If he ever does message you ignore him. You deserve better. All these people saying well you shouldn’t have slept with him are sitting on their high horse. Big deal. You are an adult. Just be very cautious in the future and learn from this. Forget about him and dust yourself off. Take care. X

NordicGiant · 22/03/2025 16:56

SabreIsMyFave · 22/03/2025 14:09

Oh my gosh, I do feel so sad for you @SingleRoo123 you sound so confused, upset, and wounded. And it's hardly surprising! What an absolute piece of shit this man is. Why do men do this? WHY?

I think if you asked every woman you met if something like this had ever happened to them, they would say yes. Sometimes several times! Men do chase for many weeks, sometimes many months, and then get you into bed, and then never get in touch again. As a previous poster said, it's the thrill of the chase for many of them, and once they've 'had' you, they move onto another woman.

I've been convinced a man was 'the one' 4 or 5 times (way back in the past before I met my husband,) as said man was all over me, complimenting me, showering me with gifts, calling me all the time, and buying me flowers. Then after 3-4 months, I gave in and shagged him, and it was like I didn't exist after that.

I was left perplexed, hurt, angry, wondering what I'd done wrong. I called them and left messages but never got a response back. Just cut off. Ghosted. Happened 5 times over several years. I actually stopped dating after the 5th time, (for 2 and a half years!) Then I met my now DH ... I made him wait a YEAR before I slept with him. Poor bastard. He was so patient. 😆

A few days after we first slept together, he rang me and suggested we start looking for a flat together. So I didn't get ghosted that time. (Still married over 30 years later!) You will find a man who deserves you OP!

.

Edited

Scared Homer Simpson GIF by reactionseditor

Yep, it's happened to me. Chased and chased, bought flowers for me, cooked dinner for me, took me out several times. Then this...

Original poster

SingleRoo123 · 23/03/2025 01:29

SabreIsMyFave · 22/03/2025 14:09

Oh my gosh, I do feel so sad for you @SingleRoo123 you sound so confused, upset, and wounded. And it's hardly surprising! What an absolute piece of shit this man is. Why do men do this? WHY?

I think if you asked every woman you met if something like this had ever happened to them, they would say yes. Sometimes several times! Men do chase for many weeks, sometimes many months, and then get you into bed, and then never get in touch again. As a previous poster said, it's the thrill of the chase for many of them, and once they've 'had' you, they move onto another woman.

I've been convinced a man was 'the one' 4 or 5 times (way back in the past before I met my husband,) as said man was all over me, complimenting me, showering me with gifts, calling me all the time, and buying me flowers. Then after 3-4 months, I gave in and shagged him, and it was like I didn't exist after that.

I was left perplexed, hurt, angry, wondering what I'd done wrong. I called them and left messages but never got a response back. Just cut off. Ghosted. Happened 5 times over several years. I actually stopped dating after the 5th time, (for 2 and a half years!) Then I met my now DH ... I made him wait a YEAR before I slept with him. Poor bastard. He was so patient. 😆

A few days after we first slept together, he rang me and suggested we start looking for a flat together. So I didn't get ghosted that time. (Still married over 30 years later!) You will find a man who deserves you OP!

.

Edited

Thank you for your kind words. I know the right one is out there somewhere, I’ve got a feeling I’m going to have to kiss a few frogs first 😂

OP posts:

DDM16 · 23/03/2025 18:32

Forget about him. If he ever messages you definitely ignore him. You’ll get your power back that way. He’s been horrible. Take this as a lesson and move on from it. Protect yourself and your dignity and self respect in future. Good luck!

Original poster

SingleRoo123 · 23/03/2025 22:25

DDM16 · 23/03/2025 18:32

Forget about him. If he ever messages you definitely ignore him. You’ll get your power back that way. He’s been horrible. Take this as a lesson and move on from it. Protect yourself and your dignity and self respect in future. Good luck!

Thank you for your encouraging words. I am still completely shocked he has done this to be honest. We share a group of friends at work and he had all of them fooled too. Makes me feel slightly better as I’m not the only one taken in by him!

OP posts: