Ghosted…rejected…whatever it’s called, it hurts!!

[SingleRoo123]

Hi 👋 I left a very long term relationship a couple of years ago. My ex partner was mentally abusive, he would play mind games and put me down, saying I wasn’t worthy and no one else would want me (nice guy eh?!). My confidence was shattered. I didn’t bother with anyone as I was focusing on navigating a new life as a single parent of two kids, two dogs and a fish 🤣 Anyway, I gave myself some time and as the dust settled, I met a guy at work. We got on really well, spoke every day. I didn’t get too attached as he was a casual and I knew he was leaving plus we worked together so nothing could happen. When he left we exchanged numbers. We texted, chatted about anything and everything. There was an obvious attraction on both sides and texts became a bit flirty. We agreed to meet up, it was so good to see him as I hadn’t seen him for a couple of months and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. When we parted he said he would text me but guess what…nothing. I am beyond devastated. I’ve texted a couple of times, just mundane stuff, nothing clingy or desperate and still nothing. I’m upset at the fact we have built up this friendship/relationship for about eight months, we sleep together and then I am rejected. Has he played me for months and months just to get me into bed?! I don’t understand it at all. That’s a hefty long game to play for half an hour of fun. I’ve obviously developed an attachment as this is hurting me, it is physically hurting. I am struggling to eat and I am on the verge of tears constantly. I just don’t understand how someone can just toss another person to one side and not even have the decency to contact them. All I wanted was a hi how are you message but I haven’t even had that. I feel like such a fool, a pathetic fool. The rejection is awful. Please don’t judge me for sleeping with him, I feel bad enough 😭 Thanks for reading my tale of woe 🥲 x

Be aware of him replying when he wants sex again. I would block him

Happened to me a few times, some men can be like this and he will probably message you in a few weeks or months like he's not ghosted you, ignore him when he does. So Sorry it happened to you, I hate ghosting but you had a lucky escape because anyone that ghosts has no level of maturity.

First off thats shitty behaviour and I'm sorry. Secondly no matter what a pp said its got nothing to do with when you slept with him. You knew each other plenty well enough beforehand anyway. And lastly..as others have said he'll almost certainly be in touch like nothing happened at some point. I've seen that too often. So I'd do yourself a favour and block him in advance.

I hope you feel better soon, do something nice for yourself over the weekend

I have spent so much time trying to understand this sort of behaviour, Single.
I think some people are very goal oriented and don't know how to live in the moment, so they can't enjoy music or scenery, or lovemaking, but want to be able to say "job done" asap.
I also believe it's really common for men see every woman they manage to ejaculate into as a point on some sort of invisible but terribly important scoreboard of their self-worth.

The fashion for asking women and girls for nude photos is part of this game; it's about getting women to submit, to make themselves vulnerable, not to lead to pleasure but for the sake of it. It's hard to understand to those of us who see sex as something done for the pleasure and satisfaction of both parties.
I often think with a shudder of a phrase from The French Lieutenant's woman where the author refers to his male protagonist as having sex "for hygiene", the idea being that men need sex to keep themselves healthy and women are just there to receive their semen.
So many times I've wondered why, if that's the case, men who don't want to make a partner feel pleasure don't stick to porn and a Fleshlight, and I think the answer is below:

...patriarchy… eroticises domination and subordination. It institutionalises them as masculinity and femininity. So, it naturalises, it eroticises and it institutionalises domination and subordination. The brilliance of feminism is that we figured that out.
– Lierre Keith

Oh, and there's always some arsehole ready to tell you you deserve to be manipulated, lied to, ejaculated into and ghosted for daring to want sexual pleasure from a man. Often said arsehole will be a woman. That's the patriarchy for you!

You did say it was casual. Are you wanting a relationship, fwb or fuck buddy you need to decide what you want. Maybe join bumble or hinge. But tbh a casual encounter after a long term relationship helps. Most likely now your upset as it triggers from the breakdown or your marriage x

It doesn’t make sense to me, especially having built up a relationship over many months. There are so many threads on here where men have done this.

If they are so desperate for sex, why do they only want it once when they could have it again and again?

Anyway, what a coward to not even reply to you.

He will be back.

Sadly, they always come back. Never known a man not to.

When he comes back - you will have done a little bit of work on yourself, and will not want him back. Do not reply. Be dignified, be calm.. and do not contact him again.

Yes agree he will be back out of the blue. Do not give him the time of day.

OP you really do need to block him because the cunt will be back the next time he is horny and will try to suck you back in.

For your own sanity I would try to abstain unless you are committed to the next one and he you although even this is no guarantee unfortunately!

You sound utterly unpleasant

Just what we need on MN a man with a grudge.

Go away with your vile slurs and weirdo hang ups. Oh, and your inability actually to read into a backstory. Not the first night they met up at all.

Delete the messages. Stop torturing yourself. There is nothing to be gained from reading over them trying to work out why he hasn't replied. You are giving him too much of yourself. You can't control his actions but you can control yours.

He sounds very immature but unfortunately this is not uncommon. He saw an opportunity for a ONS and he took it. Was it really that good that you'd want to spend the rest of your life with this man? Or can you do better?

I would consider that he has blocked you. Return the sentiment. Block and delete. Feel your feelings and learn from the experience. Be clear on what you want from any future dates with anyone, if that is sex on the first private meeting, then do that. But do it with the expectation of nothing more, even if he leads you to believe otherwise.

Have you honestly never had sex with someone and didn't want to repeat the experience? Regardless of how well you got on socially. Especially a former work colleague.

Agree it's cowardly not to reply and at least be honest though.

Happened to me too. I’d know him for years , he chased me for 4 months , finally got me into bed, then did the slow fade. I still have to work with him.

No love involved but yeah I feel sick to the stomach, I thought I knew him. He isn’t the person I thought he was and it absolutely stinks x

Ha ha, thank you for the giggle 🤭 Well I hadn’t had sex for two years, like you VERY fussy, fancied him the second I seen him, he was younger than me and absolutely gorgeous. When we agreed to meet up I honestly don’t know what came over me, I became confident and not at all nervous (which I expected). I am so proud of myself for having the courage to meet him and end up having sex with him but obviously that soon disappeared when the prick didn’t bother his arse to get back in touch 🤦🏼‍♀️ x

We have all been there so what if you shagged him. Good for you. His behaviour is on him not you. Probably got scared or some other immature bullshit. Block him and forget the looser. Plenty more sausage out there.

I've just experienced ghosting. Together for 2 years. We were having some relationship problems that we'd agreed we'd talk about after a couple of days space. Then I had a full week of complete ghosting. It was one of the worst weeks of my life. I felt like I was actually losing my mind. To have the person you are emotionally invested in treat you like you don't exist is a pain like no other.

I've clearly communicated to him how I feel about this behaviour abd have deleted and blocked him everywhere. I hope I never hear from him again, despite being utterly heartbroken.
Disgusting behaviour.

OP, this behaviour shows a total lack of integrity and is a reflection of his poor character. I know it hurts so much, but honestly he could be cast in platinum, he'd still be a substandard person for doing this to someone. It's the absolute pits.

Rejection is always going to hurt but it sounds like you’ve taken this very badly and I suspect that’s related to your self-esteem, which was likely battered by your last relationship. I highly recommend the book overcoming low self-esteem as a way to work on that.

To be perfectly honest with you, I just wanted a friend. The sex was a bonus. I don’t make friends easily, I find it difficult. I am very socially awkward but I hit it off with him. We clicked from the off. Now I don’t even have the friendship and I’m left feeling like utter shit. It probably has got something to do with the breakdown of my relationship with my ex long term partner. He treated me like absolute dog shit and now it has happened again x

I had a marriage breakdown 3 years ago been together since 17 to 33. We didn't get on he woukdnt accept it was over so I met someone else in haste anyways I hadn't realised I was grieving the marriage and what I wanted and needed. I put all that energy into a project of a man. Then was absolutely devastated (that wail you see on tiktok about a woman never doing this twice that one) when he just wasn't what my husband was and on reflecting I enjoyed his friendship I enjoyed the cuddles and feeling safe. I just wanted him to be everything I wanted I wanted to mould him. I paid for all his driving lessons taught him to drive as well he sacked 10 hours of the 40 I.pajd for. Spoke to my dd like.shit. ruined the holiday wrote 2 cars of of mine anyways I got him a flat thankgod as my subconscious mind knew I was being used. I find out he's a crack addict. I keep breaking up with him and when he's sober I.keep having him back but again I know deep down I'm being used now for sex and food when he's skint. My point is your head and heart need to feel and grieve your marriage even if you have grieved have you? Usually the first sign of fully getting over is you don't have any hate or anything for ex husband I now feel no hate for ex husband at all. Nothing. I wish him well. Change ya hair colour and cut and have a few casual sexual encounters. I need to do the casual but I just can't do it because I worry of the consequences for this on and off bf as he has a violent streak previous conviction not for women (not physical with me) but I know deep down I need to get under to get over. So in all honesty go on bumble and either state casual or long term partner.

As for the bloke you need to see what he's saying. Remember thoughts affect feelings feelings affect behaviour behaviour affects us physically. So actions do indeed speak louder than words it's took me ages to even comprehend this.

So he's told you he wants casual sex so do you want to leave it there or not if not put the feelers out and say do you want a fwb arrangement no jealousy no commitment and whilst doing this go on bumble and seek.out a long term.partner he isn't it.

Guarantee he will be in touch for sex again soon. Usually along the lines of. Hi sorry I've not been well I lost my phone blah blah blah. I hope your OK if you wanna meet again etc etc. But you need to put a firm fuck of or tell him you don't see this going anywhere beyond friendship however open to Fwb whilst you date others

That is absolutely crazy, ghosting you but still working with you. What an absolute scumbag.

Oh my god what an absolute bag of shit. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That really is the pits.