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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How on earth do I get husband to equally divide up chores?

54 replies

DameBaggySmith · 20/03/2025 22:24

As per the above really. Been with husband a long time and he is a very loving person. However, he will think of every reason under the sun not to equally share housework etc. We both work full time but his hours are slightly longer than mine. When I was on maternity leave he couldn’t be expected to do much as he worked all day. When I was part time, I had more free time than him so should do more. Now we’re both full time, I’m getting very little in the way of assistance. I think it’s probably the lowest it’s ever been. Now he says that we can do things fairly but ‘not equally as I like doing the housework more than him’, I mean I don’t, it just needs to be done. He will claim none of it needs to be done.

This is somewhat complicated by the fact he is autistic and I’m going to assume has PDA. I think it’s very likely.

Anyone found a way to share things fairly with a reluctant husband?

OP posts:
backoncrack · 23/03/2025 00:06

With dh I found it easier if we have set tasks. I work less than him but ours are split-
me
cook mon-thurs
laundry
pots
dusting/tidying
bathrooms

dh
cook Fri - sun
hoovet/mop
walk dog
garden
diy
technology
change beds
bins
recycling

i get kids ready in morning as dh leaves early. We share bed time

GreenCandleWax · 17/04/2025 18:53

DameBaggySmith · 21/03/2025 10:56

Think you may be right. Thanks for picking up on the autism… he is diagnosed as autistic. Therefore I don’t believe it’s just as simple as he can’t be arsed so isn’t doing it. I mean he can’t be arsed but he also sees things he is interested in and doesn’t see things he isn’t… to his own demise sometimes

Would he "see" his dirty underwear if you don't wash it? i don't wash my DH's underwear - i feel personal stuff like that should be done by each adult for themselves, so long as they are physically able to.

threenaancurrywhore · 17/04/2025 18:55

Whack him over the head with a mop, tbh

S0j0urn4r · 29/05/2025 17:36

Stop doing everything. Keep the kids fed and clothed. No washing, ironing, cooking etc for him.
Be very clear that you do not enjoy being his skivvy.
Draw up a fair plan together of who does what. Kids can have chores, too.
If he can't see what needs doing spell it out in the plan.
He will probably try weaponised incompetence. Don't fall for it. He can practice until he gets it right.
He is a parent not your 3rd child.

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