"contraception is a woman's responsibility"

[tinseltits21]

What do you think of the above statement? My sister's new bf apparently said it to her. I haven't met him yet but she says he's lovely and really good to her - consistent in communication, plans nice dates, listens to her - she can be emotionally vulnerable with him and vice versa etc but this seems a bit red flaggy to me? I guess women are responsible for taking the pill if they are on it but I do think the man has a part to play! She said he uses condoms if she asks and doesn't make a fuss (one of her previous partners did). I know it's none of my business really but I am interested to know whether I am overreacting by thinking he is being unreasonable with this.

I think it’s both people’s responsibility but not a red flag. He could have meant it like, ultimately, the woman bears the child so it IS her responsibility in that she will deal with a pregnancy.
other things sound positive so I think she should see how it goes. If he meant it in a macho way other red flags will quickly emerge

@wafflesmgee thank you for the reassurance; she is my little sister so I am very protective of her! I feel a better now having read your reply

Yes, that is a whacking great red flag.

Her best option for contraception right now would be the word 'No'.

She said he uses condoms if she asks
Tell her it is no good using them sometimes. It needs to be every time.

It is the responsibility of whoever doesn’t want a baby.

So if she doesn’t want a baby she should be 100% in charge of her contraception.

AND if he doesn’t want a baby he should be 100% in charge of his contraception.

That way everyone is clear about what is what and there won’t be any ‘accidental pregnancies’ which is a very different thing from an actual accidental pregnancy.

This.

His silly views won't protect him from a child support claim in due course.

Luckily this country is soft on feckless fathers.

Are they exclusive? Has he had STI tests and has she? Presumably he hasn't been using condoms with past partners who didn't ask?

Pregnancy is a woman's risk and right. Contraception is at least 50% the responsibility of the one with the sperm shooter.

Has he ever heard of STIs? His sexual health is his responsibility.

And if he's not ready to be a dad he's responsible for making sure he doesn't get someone pregnant.

I'd think he's likely a misogynistic twat.

This is definitely a red flag.

If he is lax with contraception with her, he’s likely to have been the same with his other sexual partners.

And if his previous sexual partners have been ok with not using condoms, then presumably they’ve had sex with other men without condoms as well, and so on and so on. This leads to you sister’s new bf being a human Petri dish of a man as far as STDs are concerned, and then passing something on to her.

Unless she’s seen a recent sexual health test from him showing that he’s free of all sexually transmitted diseases, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me.

To clarify, they are exclusive and I assume have had STI tests, she tracks her ovulation as she doesn't get on with hormonal birth control and he uses a condom during her fertile window which obvs isn't without his risks but they both know these risks so it's up to them really.

I did wonder about misogyny but he seems to treat her well in so many other ways and speaks highly of ex partners etc

I don't know about him but she did have an STI test a few weeks after sleeping with him for the first time and it was fine. I might suggest she does it again as I doubt they were exclusive then.

Wow, looking forward to being an auntie then?

This is spot on.

I think your sister's new bf has a deep misogynistic streak going by that bullshit.

His lax attitude towards using condoms would be yet another turnoff.

I wouldn't assume he's been tested if I was your sister.

I would wonder what else he's misogynistic about.

Ew. Ew. This one would be a toss back just due to those two things alone. This is a new bf, so on his best behaviour and he's spouting crap like contraception is on the woman and not him?

In that case she needs to say to him, "I am not using any contraception. I am willing to accept the risk of pregnancy. If you don't want a baby you need to use a condom every time."

Is she aware of the high failure rate with this method?

Oh this has big fat mess written all over it.
Condoms every time if she's not using anything else. Presumably he knows she isn't?! He's just washed his hands of any responsibility from the very high likelihood of her falling pregnant.

Seems like a strange thing to say because if she gets pregnant, he's equally responsible.

Big red flag and very high risk of pregnancy. They sound like a pair of idiots, I’m afraid.

she tracks her ovulation as she doesn't get on with hormonal birth control

Can she not get an IUD (non hormonal).

So he won't be getting a vasectomy when their family is complete then?

She'll just keep on tracking her cycle til she's 52 and if she falls pregnant after eg 2, kids he'll be happy with a third, a fourth etc.?

Do some serious STDs not the months to reliably show up?

She shouldn't have had sex without condoms until she had those,with the right time frame.

Ah, this’ll be one of those shock pregnancies we hear about on here so often.

This is a red flag for me. A considerate and responsible partner would want to be involved in the decision making on contraception to make sure of no STIs or unwanted children.