I've decided to end my relationship that no longer her serves me. Now for the hard bot, to tell him...

[Purpleseashellblue]

Nc for this one.

Hi all, I have made the decision to end my current relationship that does not serve me and is making me feel unhappy.

For context we have been together for over a year a proper exclusive relationship.

The last couple of months something has felt very off and he has been distant. We live separately.
I rarely see him and also these days I rarely hear from him.

The reason it has taken a couple of months for me to come to the decision is because he made excuses such as illness and then mental health reasons. I have tried talking to him about us rarely seeing each other and he just shrugged it off.
In all honesty I don't feel like I have a partner anymore and I'm feeling lonely because if this.
Don't get me wrong I enjoyed being single before I met him, I feel more alone in this relationship than I did for the 3 years I was single! What's up with that??

He has also cancelled a few times on me .
The last straw has been that I backed off on the msging and checking he was ok ( I'm not a huge texter myself but we used to always check in atleast once a day with each other ) and it has now been 5 days without so much as even a txt message to say hi to me. I started a new job this week which he knew about ans I didn't get a msg to say good luck or even asking how it went.
I know if i reached out I would eventually get a reply but it would be quite short. I won't be reaching out now. I'm feeling like I'm done.

The last we spoke we made plans to spend this weekend together , now the advice I am asking is shall I tell him face to face this weekend? Or can I do this over the phone?

Before anyone says he's probably got another woman ... he may have ? However I will never know the answer to that and I'm going to look after myself now and walk away I'm not going to waste any more time waiting to find out!

I'm also feeling pist off as I have been out and about with friends for work events the last couple times and was asked out for a drink by a lovely man twice now and obviously I've said no as I am in a relationship and I'm not a cheat..... however I'm now thinking 🤔 this is some shit show of a non existant relationship!

I know this part may sound silly too but also he has our photos on his social media profile pictures and his phone , and I'm feeling resentful about it! Like how dare he? He's giving me the bare minimum here , yet has me as his partner online!

Feeling deflated but also thinking with clarity and strength
Life is too short for this!
I love this man but at 40 I can honestly say that I've learnt from my past experiences that love is not enough!

Sorry to rant, I'm just getting it all out.

Need people to talk to as my best friend is currently out of the country & my sister is going through grief of her husband passing so I'm not going to burden her with this one

*bit

Just block him and move on. He hasn't had the decency to be up front with you fuck him

• Ive tried to edit the typos in the title also but can't seem to be able to!

He knows he’s not messaging you so it won’t be a surprise when you end it. Do it in whichever way works best for you.
He’s not considering you in his actions so you shouldn’t be the one thinking about how he’ll take it.
FWIW I think you’re doing the right thing. He’s adding nothing to your life.

Feels like it’s fizzled out or he’s just not that into you I’m afraid.

What’s so hard about ending it exactly?
If contact had dropped to really low levels I’d just send a text saying it was fun, but it’s not working longer term, so time to move on, all best wishes, let’s not keep in touch etc.

Also if I was about to end it, I wouldn’t even consider spending the weekend together WTF!

Good question , I guess it's hard because he has said he has struggled with his mental health in the past so I feel a sense of guilt? Yeh your right it should not be hard

Thank you. I know deep down it is 100% the right thing to do

A phone call is sufficient if he’s not putting any effort into the relationship. It sounds like you will be happier and free-er without this non-relationship holding you back.

make the call, then maybe reach out to the one who has asked you out twice.

I wouldn't spend the weekend with him.
I would see him face to face and tell him and then leave. What I meant by this is he is expecting to see me this weekend

Just phone him.

'Bit of an awkward phone call but I didn't want to text it or wait to see you. This isn't working for me anymore. Wish you all the best etc"

Going by what you've said he'll probably agree.

Don't overthink it

Thank you

You’re not in any sort of proper mature committed mutual relationship with this zero effort loser.

Personally I’d dump him by text - he doesn’t deserve better than that

This did make me laugh , so true! The sad part is wrong were . It's obviously fizzled and he is being a wimp in not telling me or keeping his options open

I'm glad I posted this. For some reason I thought I would get a load of replies saying I need to consider his mental health blah blah... but what about mine? He hasn't even checked in on me

Oh I see fair enough.
I’d only meet F2F it fit in with other plans, I wouldn’t make an effort to do it. Plus he might be weird or dramatic or annoying when you give him the news.

He hasn't got the balls to be up front and finish it with you. He's checked out but forgot to mention it.

So you take control of the situation.

Tell him the pair of you no longer appear to be compatible and you feel he'll be happier without you.

Walk away, don't make arrangements to see him, don't discuss it, don't let him pull you back in.

Good luck

You’re his (ex) girlfriend not his social worker.

You’re not actually in a relationship - he’s opted out unilaterally and he’s not had the balls to end it. Shitty thing to do.

He may protest and make MH excuses but basically sounds like he likes the idea of a relationship rather than the reality.

He's treated you very disrespectfully for some time now.

I would definitely not spend the weekend with him. You don't even owe him a phone call based on his behaviour lately. It's perfectly acceptable to dump him by message.

I'd say:

Dear X, I'm ending our relationship now - things have been distant for some time and it isn't working for me. Best wishes, OP

Best to be blunt and factual but not too detailed. I wouldn't engage in any further discussion. If he messages you, I'd just say please don't contact me any more - this is over.

I think he’s effectively ended it anyway hasn’t he? 5 days no contact including when you’ve started a new job; I’d consider myself a single lady. Text him - I don’t think you need to do more than that given how he’s treated you.
‘Dave, I can’t see this relationship going anywhere so I’m calling time on it. I wish you well for the future’ 🙃

Yeah tops would be a text! Keep us posted on potential new one!

Yeah sounds like he's already ended it anyway, he's obviously not bothered so I'd just do nothing...let it fizzle out

1. Dump him by text
2. It's not cheating to go out for a drink with someone

It sounds like he’s slow faded and potentially ghosting. Is there any need to speak to him? If would be over for me but I don’t think I’d bother to even contact him unless he messages and then I would simply say ‘This is over.’

Like what @Vkad said. You don't need to see him. He's been doing a slow fade anyway and will probably be relived, no disrespect to you.
Move on.