I've decided to end my relationship that no longer her serves me. Now for the hard bot, to tell him...

[Purpleseashellblue]

Nc for this one.

Hi all, I have made the decision to end my current relationship that does not serve me and is making me feel unhappy.

For context we have been together for over a year a proper exclusive relationship.

The last couple of months something has felt very off and he has been distant. We live separately.
I rarely see him and also these days I rarely hear from him.

The reason it has taken a couple of months for me to come to the decision is because he made excuses such as illness and then mental health reasons. I have tried talking to him about us rarely seeing each other and he just shrugged it off.
In all honesty I don't feel like I have a partner anymore and I'm feeling lonely because if this.
Don't get me wrong I enjoyed being single before I met him, I feel more alone in this relationship than I did for the 3 years I was single! What's up with that??

He has also cancelled a few times on me .
The last straw has been that I backed off on the msging and checking he was ok ( I'm not a huge texter myself but we used to always check in atleast once a day with each other ) and it has now been 5 days without so much as even a txt message to say hi to me. I started a new job this week which he knew about ans I didn't get a msg to say good luck or even asking how it went.
I know if i reached out I would eventually get a reply but it would be quite short. I won't be reaching out now. I'm feeling like I'm done.

The last we spoke we made plans to spend this weekend together , now the advice I am asking is shall I tell him face to face this weekend? Or can I do this over the phone?

Before anyone says he's probably got another woman ... he may have ? However I will never know the answer to that and I'm going to look after myself now and walk away I'm not going to waste any more time waiting to find out!

I'm also feeling pist off as I have been out and about with friends for work events the last couple times and was asked out for a drink by a lovely man twice now and obviously I've said no as I am in a relationship and I'm not a cheat..... however I'm now thinking 🤔 this is some shit show of a non existant relationship!

I know this part may sound silly too but also he has our photos on his social media profile pictures and his phone , and I'm feeling resentful about it! Like how dare he? He's giving me the bare minimum here , yet has me as his partner online!

Feeling deflated but also thinking with clarity and strength
Life is too short for this!
I love this man but at 40 I can honestly say that I've learnt from my past experiences that love is not enough!

Sorry to rant, I'm just getting it all out.

Need people to talk to as my best friend is currently out of the country & my sister is going through grief of her husband passing so I'm not going to burden her with this one

I think I’d send a text, if he can’t be bothered to wish you luck on your new job or to ask how it’s going I wouldn’t spend more than two minutes on dumping him.

Glad you see that. Your mental health trumps his. You can't do anything about his mental health issues, but you absolutely can protect your own.

I wouldn't bother with a phone call either. You can think clearly about what you want to say in a text and not have him make excuses while you are stating your position.

Wish him well and say goodbye. Don't engage after that. Enjoy your new job and go for drinks with anyone you fancy!

I agree with pps. A text should do it , you don't owe him a f2f explanation or even a phone call when he can't be bothered to communicate with you unless you initiate.

Good luck.

It’s already ended a while ago, it doesn’t now need a text, a phone call or a face to face meeting.

It’s you making all the contact, he barely replied for a couple of months and now he’s not even bothering to reply at all.

He ended it ages ago, he just didn’t have the balls to vocalise it, he hoped you’d take the hint.

Don’t waste another second on him.

I wouldn't contact him at all.
Just block and delete.

Thanks for all of your replies. I think it's a slow fade thing also so I am going to take control. The bit that's the biggest head fuck is the last time I saw him he was saying I love you , miss you lots when your not around. Etc ... why do they bother saying this shite! I've been aware his actions and words haven't aligned for a while. I was just sitting back and watching b4 I processed and made my decision.
Thanks all ill update when I've msg him.

Yeah, message him goodbye, you might get a flood of messages/calls cause he was happy to "be in a relationship" without any effort. Remind yourself that all these calls could have been before you broke up with him, he couldn't be bothered. You have relationship.to get over, so chase up that other guy or anyone else you fancy!

*no relationship to get over

I think you are doing the correct thing. You do need to take control here, as it is clear that he isn't going to. I reckon he is just waiting for things to fizzle out and not have to face the discussion.

I am also one who likes to do things face to face, but quite honestly in this situation I would just fire off a message. If he hasn't had the decency to even ask how your new job is going, I would give him the equal amount of effort, even in ending this.

Just a direct message saying things aren't working and you wish him the best going forward. Don't leave anything open, in which he has to reply to.

Guilt makes them say it.

Take control, end it without emotion, move on. He’s making no effort or showing any signs of giving any kind of shit, so I’d do this by text. Match his effort.

Live happily ever after. Probably.

What a complete waste of YOUR time and you have just drifted too.

As for blowing off teo invitations by someone else?
Madness.
Get him dumped by a brief text and block.

See if you can message the other guy and move forward.

Learn from this OP.
Value YOUR time.