I like my boyfriend’s best friend

[Camde]

Hi all, I’m not sure what to do. I’m 26 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years.

Increasingly, I have been feeling like we’re not right for each other. We keep arguing, and disagree on some pretty fundamental values like religion and ethics etc.

ive been thinking about breaking up with him, and I don’t think I love him any more.

the issue is, I really like his best friend. I’m really attracted to him and we agree on all the fundamental ethical questions. I would never ever cheat, but I’m considering how immoral it would be of me to pursue a relationship with him after I break up with my boyfriend. Id leave it at least 6 months before trying anything.

Is this really wrong of me? I don’t even know if the friend likes me at all. All I’ve got to go on is that before my boyfriend and I got together, the friend liked me on Hinge. But that doesn’t mean that he’s actually want a relationship with me.

Am I really evil for even thinking of him like this?

My question is about the ethics of pursuing his friend, following the break-up. This doesn’t really answer my question.

It should be obvious that should you date his friend that there would be a long lasting negative impact for your current boyfriend and potential boyfriend.

It would be really wrong.
Breaking up with your boyfriend sounds like the right decision but you really can't pursue his best friend!

It would be a shitty thing to do. If you don't want to be with your boyfriend, break it off and walk away. Leave his friend alone.

The OP says she’d do exactly that so I don’t know why you sound so outraged. Unless of course you didn’t actually read the OP…..

I think YANBU OP. You certainly have to break up with your current boyfriend, that’s for sure. Leave it a period of time and see if something with friend happens. Far weirder things have worked out in the past! It’s not unheard of.

Goodness, if you’re not happy in your current relationship. Break up.

Then you are entirely free to pursue a relationship with whoever you like.

It might work out, he may not be interested, but that’s for you both decide, it doesn’t matter what any one of us think here.

It’s whether you two hit it off.
I don’t think it’s morally wrong. You don’t sound married, there doesn’t appear to be children involved.

Your original boyfriend might not be happy about it, but he might not be happy about you seeing anyone else.

Life is short, be kind to people, and make the most of any happiness you can, and hope that he feels the same way.

Don’t put all of your hopes on a new relationship with the friend, as it may never happen.

Break up with your boyfriend and leave it a bit. I disagree that even if there is a reasonable gap it is automatically a dreadful thing to do - it depends on how your bf takes your split. I also think it would be the other man that your bf would be most upset with.

Some of these replies are very harsh!
If this other man was to be the love of your life, it would be sad if you’d not pursued it. I agree that it’s best to focus on ending your current relationship and let things settle there as you are planning to do. You never know - this guy could speak to your current bf in a few months once the dust has settled and might get the ok to ask you out. My brother met his current DP (and mother of his children) when she was going out with one of his friends.

(As a fellow vegan, I understand how nice it is to meet another vegan.)

If his bestfriend would even entertain you, he's a fairly lousy friend and person.

Try to move on from both of them.
If the friend pursues you then make sure it isn’t just to secretly fulfill his or your fantasies.

Dump the shit boyfriend first and foremost. Then take time for yourself before you do anything. Don’t dive into something with his mate, that won’t do anyone any good.

This. Unless your BF is truly sick of you, and doesn't give a shit, and the friend checks in with him and he says the equivalent of "go for it mate, I can't stand her any more". And means it.

None of which is anything to do with you. If your BF loves you, you take away his GF and best friend in one go. Shitty shitty shitty.

How do you even know this bloke likes you back? As if he's made a move on you he's a shit best friend and you're a shit girlfriend.

First of all, many of these relationships that develop in not so ideal circumstances don't end up happy, and don't last. So maybe stop feeding yourself that nonsense.

Secondly, if you were a bit more mature, you'd probably find that many people have different viewpoints on some things. That's not what makes or breaks a relationship. If anything, assuming you're right for each other because of dietary preferences and the same religion is a recipe for disaster, because you're not looking at the things that make or break relationships.

Finally: if he's the kind of guy to go after his friends ex, then you're probably doomed from the start. Don't be that girl. Feminists have fought too hard for women to be taken seriously for you to hop from one guy to the next because you can't be alone.

One of the first things that happened when I split up was my exes creepy friends sniffing around.