I dated someone like Kyle Clifford. He won't leave me alone and worried.

[NorthWorry]

I've been in touch with the police. Even reported rape. I'm too scared to pursue pressing charges and a criminal investigation. Reading between the lines, the police have said they can only really protect me if things escalate. He's launched a smear campaign and won't accept that I broke up with him. He's sent messages again from a new contact saying he wants to see me and to chat. I'm too scared to block him for what he'll do to me or my family.

Speak to the police again and see if you can get a non molestation order

You need to contact Rights of Women or your local Women's Aid, ask for their help in escalating your concerns in how the police have dealt with your concerns. Best wishes

These aren't worth a light for an out of control determined man . A relative went down this route and it didn't make a jot of difference to his behaviour .
Something needs to be done on a societal level with these men . I watched a documentary about a husband killing his wife in the 70's and realised nothing has changed in all these decades .

I really don't think that will do anything.

I have found out that this man has a track record for this sort of thing, including a family background like this murderer.

The police are really of no use because I've been told to block any new contacts, but I can't because he will likely attack in any way he can.

Non Molestation Orders can and do work for some Women but you have to be willing to report any breaches to the Police.

Could you call the National Stalking Helpline and talk this through with them.

I'm sorry you're going through this

I would re-consider pressing charges. The police are limited in their powers if you aren’t pursuing a prosecution, there’s only so much they can do. If you support a prosecution against this man, the police can arrest him then impose bail conditions (ie forbid him from contacting you). If he breaks the bail conditions he can be further arrested.

In terms of self-referring to get an injunction, this website is useful:

www.ncdv.org.uk/self-referrals/

We don't have 'pressing charges" in the UK. It's up to the CPS. Obviously if witnesses withdraw statements or don't engage it will make any potential case collapse. It doesn't sound like it's at this stage yet.

I'm sorry @NorthWorry it must be v scary. There are stalking charities. I would have thought the non mol might be worth a go because police can act if he breaches it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. In the UK victims don't press charges, that's a decision for the police and CPS. Have you been interviewed by specialist officers at all? Come off social media and change your mobile number. Does this person know where you work, etc?

Definitely don’t agree to meet him no matter how much pressure he puts on you. I know it’s really scary. I feel for you I really do. Are your family aware of the situation and if he turned up would they make sure that he didn’t get let in, et cetera.

Contact a local domestic abuse charity for support? They can help you navigate this situation and give advice about how to keep yourself safe.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/i-have-already-left-my-abuser/

i imagine you have looked at things like this xx but just in case.

Please please go back to the police and contact the charities, I’m sorry you’re going through this

If you agree to make a formal complaint, the olive can do more to protect you as a pp has said. They can also refer you to an IDVA who will support you and ensure that your home is target hardened and off emotional and practical support. Sadly he won't go away by himself.

The police not olive 🤦🏼‍♀️

What is going on with males? My teen says all the boys bar one when a girl ends the relationship turns really nasty. Out come vile misogynistic slurs and aggressive anger. And these are “nice” middle class boys. Sure their mothers have no idea.

So sorry you're going through this OP. Can you move to an address he doesn’t know? Improve your home security? (Ring doorbell, security cameras). Definitely contact Women's Aid. Please rethink blocking. It could help.

Probably glued to the likes of Andrew tait

Hard though it is, you need to agree to let the police take this forward as otherwise what they can do is very limited. I understand being scared - but currently you're scared with no support vs if you agree to be part of a charge you can be scared with the police backing you up.

In terms of things like being scared of what will happen if you block him, the reality is that NOT blocking him isn't benefiting you in any way. He's still chasing you. You cannot expect people like this to behave rationally so NOTHING you do, bar agreeing to 100% be with him again will have any sort of positive impact.

You have had some very good advice on here OP. This includes the Police, Women’s Aid and /or your local DA service. You might also want to go to Paladin or the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, who both deal with stalking and help you advocate with the Police. Whatever you do, do something.

Inform your employer also. Not sure where you work but inform front desk, reception, switchboard, managers etc to exercise extra caution with unsolicited calls/visits asking for you.

Tell everyone. Ask friends and family to be careful sharing any details about your life, no matter how small, on social media or mutual friends etc.

Don't be ashamed. It can happen to anyone and most people will want to help by doing the right thing to keep you safe.

If you won't press charges, the police are limited in what they can do.

I'd contact Women's Aid or the National Stalking Helpline for practical help.

I know it feels hopeless but you need to work with what you've got. Seek specialist advice from one of the charities that have been mentioned, and put it into action immediately, in conjunction with working with the police so you're not inadvertantly blocking their options to help you.

I listened to this today and thought it might be helpful to you.

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0029395?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

.