I need some advice/direction here, because I feel like my emotions have me too fogged to make a sound decision. So my boyfriend and I have our first child together due in the next couple months. (I have other children from previous relationship, this is his first child). We do not currently live together, but we have been planning to get a home together before the baby is born. He is SO close with his mom, that since we are not married, he wants to get a home with him and his mom only on the deed and she has agreed to help with down payment/costs. I currently have my own rental and he wants me to move in with him once he purchases the home and says he will pay all the house bills. He wants to buy a home that has an in-law suite for her to live with us. I am on the fence about it. Although my name would not be on the deed, I would still be giving up my current home and this would still be our first family home and I just don't know that it's the best idea to have his mom live with us right off the bat. We have found only one home within budget that offers an in law suite. His mom is offering to help with the down payment so I think that is part of the reason he is wanting to have her live there also. We are within 10 weeks or so of the baby coming and I am super stressed. I told him that if we aren't able to find a house that has an in law suite soon then we probably just need to focus on getting one for just our family for now and his exact response was " No, it's not worth it."
I am ALL for being close with parents, but I feel as if the closeness they share is unhealthy to our relationship/growth as a couple. He is so dependent on her for many different things (finances, emotions, advice, approval, etc.) and it's becoming stifling because it makes me feel like I will always be on the back burner/2nd best. He values her opinion SO much, but when I voice my opinion, he argues with it or downplays it. As soon as she gives hers, he listens and pretty much goes with what she suggests. I never thought that I'd be in a position to feel almost "jealous" of my boyfriends mother/their relationship, but I can't help but feel some type of way. I hate that I even feel this way but I myself am a mother and we are in our 30's...I'm super close with my parents but at the same time, I don't call them for every single decision/issue that my boyfriend and I have. And I most certainly do not lay out stipulations based around if my dad can live with us. I'm at a loss here because time is ticking, and I have expressed all of this calmly to him and it doesn't change anything. Help........