Leaving after five years of abuse

[icandothistoo]

I'm finally doing it. There's been five years of domestic violence. He broke my arm at one point.
But I keep going back, no kids involved.
He would always blame me, the age old story I made him do it etc.

I left last night. The police brought me to my mums. She won't let me to stay long term but at least I'm out.

I just need to not go back this time whatever he says .

Well done Op, you've made an important start. Get help staying strong from Womens Aid. Hopefully the police will charge him but I'd look into a non molestation order to keep him away.

Well done! Be strong and don't go back. He isn't capable of love if he can hurt you that badly so don't believe him if he tries to get you back.

Now you can start again.

Well done. I’d stay baby steps, call womens aid. Do you work, I’d have a chat with your boss, people tend to want to be supportive. Do give yourself time to heal when you have been abused for a long time, it takes a while to come back to yourself. Have a look at the freedom program.

Big well done. Ignore any self harm threats, they are nothing to do with you. I don't know how long you were together when you moved in but next time give it a good few years so that if you sense they are in any way abusive it is easier to end the relationship.

@icandothistoo never, ever go back!! that kind of abuse can lead to murder!

Can you speak to WA and ask for a refuge place?

Thanks for the replies. My mum is being amazing so i can stay here indefinitely.

But the messages off him have started already . How much he loves me etc. I can already feel myself wobbling but I know I can't this time .
Why am I so weak

You’ve done brilliantly. Please block him on everything and delete his number.

Congratulations on leaving! You need to be a little bit stronger right now and block him on your phone and social media accounts. If you can't physically/mentally press the button then hand your phone to your mum and ask her to do it. I bet she'll do it before you have a chance to say thanks 😉

Co-dependency, trauma bonding.

It's so difficult to leave an abusive relationship. One day at a time and yes keep him blocked and delete his contact information.

I left 7 or 8 times and went back. The violence escalated each time. The last time I left I knew I had to stay gone because I'm pretty sure he would have killed me. It absolutely will be worse if you go back. It took a lot of therapy and time for me to get better. I was so headfucked and damaged after.@icandothistoo you need to remember THIS IS NOT LOVE. THIS IS NOT PASSION. It about power, control and domination. You deserve better.

Please block him. You know that it’s just lip service, the promises to change are never kept. Men like this are extremely dangerous. Block him, meet up with friends, days out with your mum, don’t be tempted to unblock him, as you know the violence will start up again pretty soon.

Don't you dare go back to him. You are not weak and pathetic.

Go you!!

@icandothistoo have you blocked his number yet????

No I haven't . And I've had 31 missed calls off him tonight already

Ignore him op start your new life

If he loved you he wouldn't have broken your arm. People who love you don't do that.

Ask Women's Aid to help you. The Freedom Programme is strongly recommended by lots of people.

If someone can help you with getting a new phone, I'd switch to that at least for a bit and then he can't keep bothering you.

The police got you out of there. 31 missed calls has got to be harassment.

You owe it to yourself to stay away this time. Willing you strength x

I don't know how to tag people .

But thankyou to people who've mentioned freedom program . Will look into that right now x

Block his number and before you do, screenshot all his harassment and report him to the police.

He can't get you back if you stop all contact.

Get a new phone number.
Block him on everything else.

People who love us don't break our arms.

What is there to go back to?
It's not a case of it being safer there.

You need to practice self soothing. Going back there won't stop you being scared and anxious. You'll just be scared and anxious for different reasons AND unsafe added on top.

Harassment. Call the police to report. Do this with everything. Message him once to tell him not to contact you and report report report. Stay strong with friends and family support. Don't engage with him at all. I've been in your position. You will feel so much better off and stronger in a few weeks. This is the tough part but you will get through it.

Police may tell you to block. That's your decision but I couldn't with mine as he would message and it was like a warning that he was going to do something so I had the advantage of some notice to prepare or leave where I was.

Look up grey rock.

Have you got a DV charity? Get an assessment for an IDVA for support.
Look at the Freedom programme but maybe wait a bit for that once this bit has passed so you have the capacity to take this in.

Block him. No contact whatsoever. He knows he can manipulate you back with these messages. Protect yourself from that and keep a watchful eye in case he comes around. Call the police if he does.

Broken arm this time
broken neck ( and dead ) next time.

no children involved, so no excuse or reason to be in contact with him ever again.

block delete and move on, probably with therapy / lots of reading the articles/books advised.

Send your Ex one message Op, say your relationship is over and the constant messages are harassment and you want no more contact with him, then block him. If he tries to contact you or see you after that you should go back to the police. Keep strong @icandothistoo ,you'll have a much better life witoiut him