Leaving after five years of abuse

[icandothistoo]

I'm finally doing it. There's been five years of domestic violence. He broke my arm at one point.
But I keep going back, no kids involved.
He would always blame me, the age old story I made him do it etc.

I left last night. The police brought me to my mums. She won't let me to stay long term but at least I'm out.

I just need to not go back this time whatever he says .

Block him, move on.

Why do you think you're so weak? What exactly do you think he gives you other than broken bones and anxiety? Can you satisfy those needs in other ways? Use the time and space you now have wisely, you can have a happy , secure future without him.

^^ This is what will happen if you go back to him Redfed00 is quite correct.

Well done 👏🏻 on leaving him. It’s so flippin hard.

Please please block him for the foreseeable. Disconnect.

Spend your time reading up on trauma bonding etc.
Lots on YouTube.

Educate yourself on abusive relationships so that a) you understand where you’re at now…
and b) how not to do the same thing again.

This. Call the police if he continues to harass you.
he will likely try everything to get you back so he can teach you a lesson. Do not read anything he sends, meet or listen to him. He could kill you next time.

Block him or get a new number.

Thanks for all the replies . I can't block him yet cos we've got so much to sort out . (That sounds like an excuse )

More messages promising the world, then when I've called him out on his behaviour the nastiness has started , which has done me a favour really.

From people who have been through this how the hell did you see it through ?

You stay strong by telling people the truth instead of hiding or playing down whats going on. Put yourself first and dont be ashamed. Realise you are worth more than this.
What advice would you give a friend in your position? Stick with that x

It must have been serious for the police to take you to
your mum’s.
Has he been arrested? What have the police said.
Women’s Aid are brilliant.
Sadly when we leave a highly distressing situation we want to feel better as soon as possible, so the perpetrator coming at you with calls and promises is like a short term fix to take away the pain.
It just leads to more pain in the long run.
Can you imagine really loving someone and breaking their arm? No.
He’s clearly controlling with the calls and messages and now you won’t resound as he wants he’s turned nasty.
I am sorry you don’t feel able to block him as you need to.

Look up the cycle of abuse. You need to break the pattern x

If the stuff you have to sort isn't about kids, I'd be inclined to get a solicitor to deal with it all.

If it's things, see if you can get a police escort to go with you retrieve them. Otherwise, leave them. They aren't worth the hold he had over you.

If your name is on any bills he could run up, phone up and tell them you've moved out. They can write to him for renewal.

Always remember, he is going to do everything he can to suit his agenda. His agenda: 1. Con you into coming back. And 2: hurt, belittle and make you as insecure as possible.

2 is ALWAYS his agenda. So it completes with 1 because he just can't hide it sometimes. Hence the ease the nastiness shows through at the slightest challenge to his fisad.

You need to think as if you were him. With what he has, how will he look to hurt you? And how do you stop that? The best route is sometimes to stop caring about things: eg, items left behind. Just let them go, they aren't worth the joy he'd take in making it impossible for you to get them and, likely, damaging them.

It's hard because you've been trained to placate him to keep the peace. Now you need to learn to stop that. To withdraw from him and keep pulling until his nasty little tendrils break away from you one by one.

You cannot reason with a hungry bear. It doesn't want what you want. It wants to eat you. Do what you can to minimise contact.

Please read this over and over again, and please block him or give your phone to your mom for the time being.

He's trying to wear you down and losing your resolve puts you in grave danger.