Would you date a man who was unfaithful ?

[riboon]

To his previous partner, at the end of a twenty year relationship. By his ex partners account, they were just waiting for their only child to grow and leave home before they parted ways?

No, once a cheat, the potential is there for them to do it again. And generally they do!!

Of course not.

My ex new woman knew he'd cheated and still decided to date him.

Same for my exH so it seems there are women who know the cheating history but don't care & get involved anyway.

In the context you describe then yes.
If I've understood correctly the marriage was over but they agreed to stay together until the child left home.. which is never a good idea and will end up in cheating because it's very hard and lonely to live in a loveless sexless marriage for years
I view that differently to someone who is a serial cheater
People are human beings

Yes, this. It’s a value system you either have or you don’t.

No, what's the point. He'll make you miserable.

I’d have to say yes because I did! My husband cheated on his girlfriend with me when we got together (he was only 23 and I was 21). He’d been trying to find a way to get out of their relationship for some time because she (according to his friends, not him) was not a very nice person.

I don’t know if it was my young age, infatuation or whatever, but I honestly didn’t consider her at all. We’ve been together since then with no cheating issues so I would say yes, depending on the situation.

Never. It's a sign of poor character.

I think that scenario is very different to someone who has said marriage vows to a person and has children with them.

It’s depressingly predictable that on this forum, 90% of replies will be ‘no, never trust him’. Not all ‘cheating’ is the same. If you’re talking about one relationship - that had already broken down - and his ex actually confirms that is the case, it’s a completely different scenario to someone who cheats / lies habitually, who constantly craves new thrills and attention. You can’t (or rather - shouldn’t ) generalise - judge him for who and what he is now.

Nope, I hate cheaters. I cannot stand being close to someone who I know has deeply betrayed someone they are suppose to love and respect, or at least respect. If they have children that makes it an unberable shit thing to do. How can you be so horrible and risk the health of your children's parent? It is beyond disgusting.

If they cheat with you they will cheat on you.

Not necessarily true. It's like the marry the mistress, create a vacancy quote. People who post it think they are clever and erudite.

They aren't.

It’s not clear the precise relationship between them. Had they agreed to part ways and were they effectively single but just living together? Or had they agreed not to see other people until they had properly separated?.

Generally, of course I would never be with someone who had cheated in a past relationship. You would constantly wonder whether they were going to do it to you. It’s so devastating to be cheated on - I think it actually affects you forever.

If the marriage was over in all but name and they made a mutual decision to open the relationship then that’s completely different to an affair but that’s now how your OP reads.

Trust is the lynchpin of relationships so no. If someone he knew and was meant to love for years didn't earn his trust and he couldn't be honest i wouldn't flatter myself that I would be any different in his mind. He made a decision to be deceitful rather than communicate. Not attractive.

You sound like you cheated on someone.

It's like stealing. If someone steals with your knowledge they will,.if they have the desire and the opportunity, steal from you.

Thinking that it will be different with you is magical thinking. You have to rely on someone not having the desire or opportunity to cheat on you.

Nope. FIL cheated on MIL and is now remarried which was met with much eye rolling. I just don't get the point of marrying someone like that. Marriage vows mean nothing to them, nor does the idea of commitment and fidelity. Basically they will uphold the responsibilities of being in a partnership or marriage as long as it suits them and then when it doesn't, rather than leaving, they'll just relinquish all those committments and do whatever they please. Married or not. "Committed" or not. Makes no difference to them.

If you want a relationship that's going somewhere, a person with a history of infidelity is a poor choice.

Well it depends on the person. If they’re on Instagram following loads of naked women and have an active Snapchat account while in their 40s. Then nope.

But if they’ve explained the dynamics and situation of the previous relationship. And open to counselling if there’s any underlying attachment issues - then yes!

No. They're not only a cheat but good at lying to cover their tracks as well. Tbh the lying and deception hurt more than the sex with someone else.

Yes. Not a repeat cheater but a one off I would consider depending on what else I observed in his personality. I dont think 1 mistake is a be all and end all.

I wouldn't date a man or woman who has been unfaithful. I have called out friends when they have been involved in borderline emotional affairs.
I have been cheated on in my 20+ year relationship and have been damaged. I will not be the person I was and it's a long hard road to recovery.

No. There's always some excuse. If you wouldn't do the behaviour yourself, don't accept it in a partner.

Depends.

If it was an "exit affair" which brought matters to a head or was in the midst of splitting, then I'd view it differently to a history of cheating in the marriage.

Wrong place to ask, OP. Unless you also live in a black and white world where MN often imagines we live in.

In reality - cheating happens a lot more than people want to believe. And most men we date have cheated in some way or other. Many women as well. People tend not to disclose it - foe the fear of the exact reaction you see here…
(as a society - we believe in rehabilitation of even murderers…: but cheating - there is never mitigating circumstances…)

No one knows the reality of a long marriage, and waiting for kids to grow up. And the fact than he told you about it all speaks about his character.
The rest is up to you to decide.