Support for those of us struggling to walk away - tempted to text him tonight

[SomebodyStopMePlease]

I've read a few threads on here recently which are similar to what I'm going through, so hopefully one or two of those ladies will see this and join me for a hand hold.

I've been seeing someone for about 6 months and it's all been very toxic and shouldn't have happened. He is not a nice person and things came to a head earlier this week when he was particularly nasty to me. I just can't bloody stop myself going back for more, I'm obsessed with the man! It's now been three or four days with no contact and my thumbs are twitching. I'm desperate to send him a message. Somebody please stop me before I go right back to square one!

Stop it!! Not worth it! Put your energy into someone who makes you feel good.

When you are tempted to contact him, Is it that you think he’ll change or just that you think it might be worth putting up with him the way he is?

Thank you. But when it's good, it's so good! That's the problem. Nobody gives me the same high or low for that matter that he does.

I think it might be worth putting up with him the way he is. There's no future in it, but neither of us want that anyway. He just gives me such a buzz. Argh.

It’s embarrassing. Have some self respect for god sake. Why would you lower yourself for a man who is nasty to you?

I am sick of seeing women gagging for men who are vile.

This is exactly what I'd say if a friend was in this position. I just can't seem to help it. It's ridiculous! Think I've lost my mind

Well clearly he ain't interested in you anyhow if he ain't at your door with flowers lol

Good relationships should feel calm and easy on both sides. This is not that.

Block him and delete all numbers - even from recycling bin - then the option is removed.

You need therapy. This isn’t attraction, this is your trauma speaking. You know you are self harming here?

I just hate how depressing it is seeing posts like yours encouraging shits to behave as badly as they do. Please give your phone to a friend and ask them to block, delete, erase every message and picture

If he wanted to work things out or take responsibility for his behaviour he’d be in touch with you. All you do by begging him to come back is tell him you’ll accept anything he does to you? How on earth does that benefit you? It’s not him you’re missing it’s the attachment. And not a healthy one.

This!

I'm feeling very similar, just come out of a 2 year relationship with a lot of stress for me as he was quite controlling, and I'm totally in my right to set boundaries and it makes every logical sense that I really can't continue the relationship, if I do the future looks dire for me. And I was actually feeling really happy and relieved for a couple of days that I got out and could just do my own thing without worrying. However tonight I suddenly feel very sad, I miss him and I feel really bad for him and think of the good things and beautiful moments and how he does care for me in his own way etc.
BUT you have to remember that as much as you currently think you can put up with things, it's only 6 months for you, this is not how it will stay, the boundaries will continue to be pushed further, the control he places on you now will increase. These types never get enough and will continue to set new limits and the way they explain these new limits to you still be done in a way that's going to be very damaging to your confidence and self worth. Therefore, you have to stay strong. Nothing good will come out of this, you will only lose and hurt yourself more by contacting him now and saying you miss him. That way you'll give him all the power back and he'll have a hold over you again.

Just stay strong now, it will be difficult for a bit but before you know it he'll be distant history and you'll never understand why you ever accepted and if his BS

💯 this👏👏

OP you say when it’s good it’s so good. So for a few crumbs when he gives you the bare minimum, you think it’s worth dropping your bar so low it’s subterranean to let yourself be degraded and abused by a complete cunt?

Its 6 months, you don't have any ties to him so stop humiliating yourself for cock, block him on every channel, have a good cry and get therapy to understand why you think being treated like shit is all you’re worth

And yes this is exactly what I would say - and have said similar - to friends who get involved with wankers

You just have to keep reminding yourself of all the shit he said and did to you, to remind yourself of how much of a bastard he is and how he doesn't deserve to be missed by you

It’s an addiction.

Go cold turkey. Block him. Move on.

I'm glad somebody else said it. It's closer to an addictive dopamine high than a bond. You can try and replace it. Tick off each day you don't speak to him. Leave it on the fridge. Do one nice thing each day. Tell yourself you're doing fabulously each night. Etc.

Also block block block. Everywhere. They come back you cannot let them undo what had to be done. Don't leave a crack in the door.

Also, once the number is blocked..delete all of his chats. Remove him from your contacts. So it's just the phone number that's blocked but there's no trace left. Delete every photo.

Thank you all for the replies, I needed to hear them, both the gentle ones and the tough love!

I actually decided to go to bed not long after 8pm because I didn't want to be awake and tempted anymore. I slept for about 11 hours! Must have needed it. Still feeling very low this morning though, so it's been helpful to wake up to these messages.

I totally agree that it's not him I want - I know he's a shitty person - I'm addicted to the high I get when my phone pings with a message from him. I don't think either of us ever saw a future together, we are both at a stage in our lives where we only wanted something casual. But it's morphed into something else and I got in way too deep. I crave his attention, as pathetic as it is.

@Howtohelpbirds, lots of love to you. I hope you found something nice to distract you last night x

It’s another beautiful day out there. If you can, go for a lovely walk, potter in the garden to some music and you’ll feel so much better for that. You’ll get there x

Also I'm finding it hard to block him because the last message was from me, and I don't want him to have the "last laugh" - I want another message from him. I want him to apologise to be honest. And then I want to block him and delete everything. For proper closure maybe? I don't think he will message me back, I think it's done. But he feels like he's won and I'm so angry about it.

What kind of message was the last message you sent that makes you think he will have the last laugh? It's tough isnt it, I think a lot of us have been there at some point. Block him though because you never know when he may decide to contact you again and then he will realise.

If you block him now then you have had the last word. He can't do anything to hurt you. You are taking control.
It takes time to break a habit. By blocking him you will stop checking your phone to see if he has messaged you. You will break the hold of "the high" you think he gives you.
You break a habit one hour at a time