Support for those of us struggling to walk away - tempted to text him tonight

[SomebodyStopMePlease]

I've read a few threads on here recently which are similar to what I'm going through, so hopefully one or two of those ladies will see this and join me for a hand hold.

I've been seeing someone for about 6 months and it's all been very toxic and shouldn't have happened. He is not a nice person and things came to a head earlier this week when he was particularly nasty to me. I just can't bloody stop myself going back for more, I'm obsessed with the man! It's now been three or four days with no contact and my thumbs are twitching. I'm desperate to send him a message. Somebody please stop me before I go right back to square one!

The last exchange was me calling him out on something, actually I indicated that I was done with him. I really did mean for it to be the end. But he just left it on read. I wasn't finished though, I wanted to flounce out properly and leave him feeling like shit! I don't know why I didn't block him immediately after sending that really. I suppose I still wanted the apology, I wanted a bit of grovelling. And now I'm angry that it's not going to happen!

Of course you haven't lost your mind. That's just something people say when they want an excuse to carry on doing something they know they shouldn't be doing. Pull yourself together, be a grown-up and cut contact.

How old is he? Are you likely to bump into each other?

He's 33. It was actually semi-long-distance, will definitely never bump into him again.

Well if it will help to give you closure then you could send a text getting off your chest how you feel, how he has made you feel but then you must block him after that so you can say to yourself- I suspect he would want to reply to that but I blocked him.

Time to throw yourself in to operation get in to a good place for a healthy relationship. Block him, it’s not a competition or a game, write a reality list/account of the truth of the relationship to read when you’re wearing rose tinted glasses, study your attachment style (read the book attached), work on your self esteem (the book overcoming low self esteem), do the freedom course online and stay away from men for a set amount of time, ideally 6-12 months.

Please please block him and move away as hard as it feels at the moment.
my daughter is currently lying in a hospital bed with life changing injuries caused indirectly by a partner we had tried and tried to persuade her was no good for her.
Toxic relationships will never change. You deserve so much better.

It just reeks of desperation. Imagine him laughing with his family and friends about this woman he has on elastic who just keeps on coming back for more of an emotional beating (his friends probably share his same morals). I mean this kindly, but have some self respect. Know your worth. You’re treated how you allow yourself to be treated, and your behaviour is embarrassing…

If you block him now he’s not going to know when you’ve blocked him is he?

As in, if he isn’t engaging with your text he may not know for sure when he was blocked?

I want another message from him. I want him to apologise to be honest. And then I want to block him and delete everything. For proper closure maybe?

I feel that while you're looking to him for "closure", which is a debatable concept, he's still in control. Why do you want an apology from someone that you dislike, distrust and have no respect for?

What use is a word that comes out of his mouth? You are the one that can provide yourself closure, it's not something that somebody else can bestow upon you. This is an excuse.

You either want to get over him because you believe our deserve better or you dont. Either way is fine, you're the only one you have to reckon with about this. If you do, remove his number, delete all his messages, remove all trace and stop looking to him for anything at all, including the some kind of apology to make you feel better. It wouldn't be worth a thing, he's not beneficial to your life and you know this. He's got nothing you need. Move on, you can but you need to choose to.

"when it's good, it's so good!"

When it's good it's not real. Stop gaslighting yourself.

Let silence be your weapon. Keep busy. Get out for a walk if weather permits. Stay strong.

Shit people don't recognise their shit behaviour, and certainly don't apologise for it. And if you did get an apology would you trust yourself enough not to be reeled back in by it? That dopamine craving of yours really wants any excuse to cling onto this dysfunctional dynamic.

Best just to accept that closure can only come from within and write him off.

He won’t apologise and by the sounds of it even if he does he won’t mean it so it’s pointless. Sometimes, it’s nice to have the last word - my teenagers will tell you that ha ha! In all honesty it’s meaningless. Just think of you and moving forward with a better future filled with happiness not games. Nothing will make you feel better initially…just time x

Wise words
I was n a similar situation for 2years and it has taken me 18 months to fully recover. Unfortunately we live near each other so was difficult to break away, but blocking really is the only snswe. It is painful. Try to find genuine other interests. At first will just be going through the motions but there WILL come a point where you start to enjoy things without thinking about him all the time.
It is hard, but please just delete everything and block.

Why do you want to play games and get a reaction with a bloke who quite frankly doesn’t give a shiny shit about you?

He’s not going to suddenly apologise and become a decent human being just because you want him to be. He’s probably not read your message because hes already out chasing other women. He’ll only be back when he doesn’t get a better offer and fancies an easy shag.

Why are you happy to humiliate yourself like this and let yourself be treated like shit?Find some self respect, block him and don’t look back.

And as someone else said, do the freedom programme and stay away from men until you’ve learned to love yourself.

The shit person is who he really is.

The nice person is who he pretends to be when he wants to reel you back in.

I know someone in a similar position to you- obsessed, can’t give them up despite how shit the relationship is because the crumbs of the rare high points are so “addictive”.

This has been going on for years. I saw her the other day for the first time in years. I was appalled and so sad for her, she looks ill, haggard and much older than she is. I think she noticed my shock and I quickly tried to cover that up, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She’s got him for that.

You said you know it’s going to end so why not now. Otherwise it may well go on for years and you could easily end up like her with all what is good, healthy and happy about you drained by a shit of a man.

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear that.