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Original poster

So disappointed - revealed his true colours

66 replies

GoldenKitty36 · 05/03/2025 21:41

About 5 months ago I struck up an online friendship with a guy, which soon became quite intense. There was lots of flirting and sexy messages, we enjoyed sharing pictures etc. We have exchanged messages more or less constantly over the last five months, every day. We live quite some distance apart, and have spoken a lot about meeting up but it never happened. The one time it almost did, he was the one who was less keen for it to be a hookup and said he would prefer to just meet for a drink the first time. This is despite him being the main instigator of the sexual conversations, referring to me as his FWB etc. To be clear, neither of us has been looking for a relationship at any point, and the whole thing has just been for fun, albeit very intense.

Last night we were sexting and I fell asleep. This morning I apologised, but he didn't reply or message me for the rest of the day (which has never happened before). This evening I sent him a voice note saying I hoped he was not annoyed with me because I hadn't meant to fall asleep, and explaining that I'm absolutely exhausted at the moment. He replied to the voice note saying "no need to huff and puff in your voice note, [offensive word for a masculine woman]"

I am not a very feminine woman in general - I have long hair and wear dresses etc but I don't wear makeup and some of my interests might be considered masculine. I feel like this is such a slap in the face, and for me there is no coming back from it. It hasn't knocked my confidence at all - I'm happy with who I am and have plenty of male attention if I want it - but god it really hurts that he's become such a part of my life for the last five months and now I realise that this is the sort of person he is! And has been thinking that about me all along. Why pretend to be attracted to me if he clearly wasn't?! The ego boost, I'm guessing.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this really, I just need to get it off my chest before I go to bed I think. Just what an utter pillock!!

OP posts:
yourmaw · 06/03/2025 06:24

peg him..........i actually hate me,but lol

Mach3 · 06/03/2025 06:56

GoldenKitty36 · 06/03/2025 06:03

Yeah I totally agree with you. I'm not actually offended that he called me a dyke, what upsets me is that he thought it would be an insult, if you see what I mean. I thought he liked me for who I was, but obviously not. Sad to have seen his true colours. Not sad to come across as a "dyke" - I fully embrace who I am!

Show quote history

I absolutely see what you mean.

Disappointing.

But lucky escape!

BringMeTea · 06/03/2025 08:58

Ew he sounds dangerous! One last message to say actually you were bored not tired. Then block the subpar specimen.

Hoppinggreen · 06/03/2025 09:01

You sent nudes?
I am not judging that on moral grounds, you are an adult and can do what you want but you hadn't even met this man. Bit risky as you have no idea where they could end up

crossstitchingnana · 06/03/2025 09:16

What stood out for me was the bit where you fell asleep and he got the arse. I don't see the need for you to apologise over and over either, if he stonewalls you because of you falling asleep then that's him also showing his true self. Run.

MissDoubleU · 06/03/2025 09:31

So he got his ego bruised by you falling asleep, went in a huff, then tried to act like he didn’t care, while trying to take you down a peg or two himself by flippantly using a slur against you?

Right. Block and move on. Dodged a very nasty bullet here.

PoltergeistsStartLowKey · 06/03/2025 09:32

Any man that uses dyke as a pejorative term deserves the response, "Fucking hell, with you as an example, I wish I was."

Original poster
GoldenKitty36 · 07/03/2025 11:26

God I'm so pathetic, a song just came on about missing a friend and it's made me really tearful about this whole situation! Someone give me a slap and remind me how ridiculous I'm being. I'm going through a lot of crap in my life right now and this guy was such a wonderful distraction from it all. I feel so let down. I'm not missing him but I'm really missing the person I thought he was Sad
Got to pull myself together...

OP posts:
0ctavia · 07/03/2025 11:37

He wasn’t a friend. All that time and energy you poured into him over 5 months you could have spent on YOU . Or on developing RL friends who actually like you as a person and aren’t just using you as wank fodder.

He is a waste of space who used you, he’s a distraction from your real life. You’ve now seen what he’s really like . This is a sign to you to MOVE ON in your life. Not just from him but from wasting your life on your phone instead of actually living it.

SallyWD · 07/03/2025 11:51

Foxlovesfruit · 05/03/2025 21:52

Are you sure he meant it in that way? I always thought 'huff and ouff' meant someone was annoyed. Either way, his reaction to you falling asleep is rude and a red flag in its own right.

Exactly, I have never heard the term huff and puff to mean a masculine woman. Does it actually? Are you sure about this? I thought it meant kind of being a bit annoyed like "she walked off in a huff." or "I broke his favourite mug and he was huffing and puffing all evening".

AFairDistance · 07/03/2025 11:51

GoldenKitty36 · 07/03/2025 11:26

God I'm so pathetic, a song just came on about missing a friend and it's made me really tearful about this whole situation! Someone give me a slap and remind me how ridiculous I'm being. I'm going through a lot of crap in my life right now and this guy was such a wonderful distraction from it all. I feel so let down. I'm not missing him but I'm really missing the person I thought he was Sad
Got to pull myself together...

Think of him as a temporarily useful fantasy that did its job for a while in getting you through a difficult phase. The real person was never going to live up to that. I’ve had a similar situation (non sexual/romantic) with a similarly difficult end. A couple of years on, I think I can see that I was also fulfilling a temporary need for the friend in question, and they moved on abruptly before I did.

SallyWD · 07/03/2025 11:56

SallyWD · 07/03/2025 11:51

Exactly, I have never heard the term huff and puff to mean a masculine woman. Does it actually? Are you sure about this? I thought it meant kind of being a bit annoyed like "she walked off in a huff." or "I broke his favourite mug and he was huffing and puffing all evening".

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Sorry, just seen what word he used to describe you. You're better off without him!

Original poster
GoldenKitty36 · 07/03/2025 11:57

0ctavia · 07/03/2025 11:37

He wasn’t a friend. All that time and energy you poured into him over 5 months you could have spent on YOU . Or on developing RL friends who actually like you as a person and aren’t just using you as wank fodder.

He is a waste of space who used you, he’s a distraction from your real life. You’ve now seen what he’s really like . This is a sign to you to MOVE ON in your life. Not just from him but from wasting your life on your phone instead of actually living it.

Thank you, this is exactly the kind of thing I need to hear. I know exactly where I should be pouring my energy, but it's hard whereas this was easy and fun.

I do have quite an active social life in real life, but I'm also very introverted and prefer staying at home on my phone most of the time if I'm totally honest! Something I need to work on I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldenKitty36 · 07/03/2025 11:58

AFairDistance · 07/03/2025 11:51

Think of him as a temporarily useful fantasy that did its job for a while in getting you through a difficult phase. The real person was never going to live up to that. I’ve had a similar situation (non sexual/romantic) with a similarly difficult end. A couple of years on, I think I can see that I was also fulfilling a temporary need for the friend in question, and they moved on abruptly before I did.

Show quote history

Thank you. Although I don't wish the misery on anyone else, it does help to feel less alone!

OP posts:
0ctavia · 07/03/2025 12:39

GoldenKitty36 · 07/03/2025 11:57

Thank you, this is exactly the kind of thing I need to hear. I know exactly where I should be pouring my energy, but it's hard whereas this was easy and fun.

I do have quite an active social life in real life, but I'm also very introverted and prefer staying at home on my phone most of the time if I'm totally honest! Something I need to work on I suppose.

Show quote history

In that case maybe you can find some more productive things to do when you are at home alone. there are hundreds of online courses/ groups / hobbies that will be more helpful to your mental, emotional and spiritual well being.

Take up baking or art or any kind of craft, learn a language or mindfulness or meditation. Take up a musical instrument or learn to sing. Do exercise or yoga classes on YouTube.

Search Pinterest / Houzz / insta for colour schemes you like and repaint your flat. But vintage furniture from gumtree and learn to upcycle it .

Anything that is creative or interesting or fun and healthy and positive that you can do from home in your down time . It will build your skills and confidence and help you stay away from things like sexting losers than you know will end up being a negative in your life. It’s too easy to get sucked into toxic stuff online, we’ve all done it it one way or another.

its like quitting smoking - you have to distract youself with something good, not sit there saying to yourself “ I don’t want a cigarette they are bad for me. I’m such a loser why do I still have cravings “.

FartSock5000 · 07/03/2025 14:24

@GoldenKitty36 he was negging you. He builds you up, gets you emotionally invested and then starts taking you down bit by bit until you are running after him begging for his attention.

Ghost him. It will drive him nuts.

You didn't imagine anything. He was deliberately drawing you in. The real person was carefully hidden though and you are very lucky you've seen his true self so soon and not years later when you are stuck in his house with his kids with no funds to escape.

Manifest all the positives you got into someone new. Not every man is like the cockwomble. There are men out there who would love a confident, sassy lady to be their best friend and partner in life. I know because I got one after MANY many toads.

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