So disappointed - revealed his true colours

[GoldenKitty36]

About 5 months ago I struck up an online friendship with a guy, which soon became quite intense. There was lots of flirting and sexy messages, we enjoyed sharing pictures etc. We have exchanged messages more or less constantly over the last five months, every day. We live quite some distance apart, and have spoken a lot about meeting up but it never happened. The one time it almost did, he was the one who was less keen for it to be a hookup and said he would prefer to just meet for a drink the first time. This is despite him being the main instigator of the sexual conversations, referring to me as his FWB etc. To be clear, neither of us has been looking for a relationship at any point, and the whole thing has just been for fun, albeit very intense.

Last night we were sexting and I fell asleep. This morning I apologised, but he didn't reply or message me for the rest of the day (which has never happened before). This evening I sent him a voice note saying I hoped he was not annoyed with me because I hadn't meant to fall asleep, and explaining that I'm absolutely exhausted at the moment. He replied to the voice note saying "no need to huff and puff in your voice note, [offensive word for a masculine woman]"

I am not a very feminine woman in general - I have long hair and wear dresses etc but I don't wear makeup and some of my interests might be considered masculine. I feel like this is such a slap in the face, and for me there is no coming back from it. It hasn't knocked my confidence at all - I'm happy with who I am and have plenty of male attention if I want it - but god it really hurts that he's become such a part of my life for the last five months and now I realise that this is the sort of person he is! And has been thinking that about me all along. Why pretend to be attracted to me if he clearly wasn't?! The ego boost, I'm guessing.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this really, I just need to get it off my chest before I go to bed I think. Just what an utter pillock!!

Extremely rude. Now would be the time to tell him he bored you to sleep 😂

Just want to say that you've all made me feel a million times better. Knew I must have posted here for a reason. Thank you x

Oh, we’ve all been there, when someone turns out not to be as we’d imagined them. It’s always a particularly depressing shock, like putting your foot on a step that isn’t there.

What are "masculine interests"? Goodness.

is he 12-? way before lgbtq and rainbows was national ciriculum - "lezzer"was a g t for lesser evolved boys who felt their attention seek needs werent met.
it doesnt make it any sweeter bnut 100%on him.dont get upset bout it

What kind of adult behaves in this way. At least now you know who he really is. A sad little man who likes to insult women. Thank goodness you arent wasting any more time on this pathetic excuse for a human

Homophobic people are not friends. Sorry he wasted your time.

Sounds like a horrible prick to me and lucky you that you haven't gone any further.

From an actual dyke, who likes the word, you've dodged a huge bullet. If you're looking for fun you'll sure find someone who has a better personality elsewhere.

Ah, of course - you must be a lesbian for falling asleep as a sexy man like him would have every woman awake for 24 hours straight desperate for his every text…

Yep, it’s his hurt ego lashing out. You didn’t give him your full attention. He can’t cope with that. In short, he’d be a bloody nightmare long-term with sulks and insults and silent treatment if you did anything he didn’t like.

Pat yourself on the back for shrugging this loser off by doing no more than falling asleep after work! He’s a knob!

Wow fuck him! What a horrible thing to say to someone who is supposed to be your friend. Dodged a bullet for sure!

He called you a dyke?

I'm laughing, what an absolute tool.

It's a fucking compliment.

Lean in to your dyke energy.

Look. I'm a pretty 'masculine' woman (whatever that means). I always take it as an absolute compliment when some dickhead calls me a dyke/lesbo.

It essentially means, 'I know I have no power over your opinions about me because you do not care about me, and that makes me feel small, so I will resort to what I, as a very limited male human being, can use as THE WORST insult, which is dyke. Because what could be worse than a woman who has absolutely no interest in my ego (which is very precious and special)'.

Don't be sad, be glad.

Falling asleep bruised this man's fragile ego. He clearly thinks the only reason you'd have fallen asleep rather than message him is that you are attracted to women. You are well shot of him

This.

OP, you need to block him.

@Mach3 yyy to your post.

The last time some dickhead called me a dyke was when I was on a train full of drunk football fans, I'd alighted mid-journey between two city stations. There was a group of blokes near the door, lairying it up with every woman on that train, but this particular 6' 3" twat was being more vocal than most.

There was a young woman by herself in front of me that he kept 'bantering' at.

I was on edge, I wasn't happy with the situation, it was a packed train, standing room only.

And then he said to her 'I'd like to come on your face'.

No. No. No.

I said very loudly, 'That's not fucking ok, you've crossed a line, you're a big fucking bloke, you don't speak to women like that, you don't do that you dirty bastard. You are intimidating and big and it's not fucking banter'.

The young woman came and stood in front of me for the rest of the journey. The coach was full of men. They were all looking, and I have no doubt that if he'd tried to get physical with me, some fucker would have stepped in then, in hero mode.

SomI had to put up with this twat making snide comments in my ear for the rest of the journey whilst I chatted to the young woman.

Anyhoo, we got to the station, got off, and as we did he said, 'You know it was just banter and joking'

To which I replied 'Fucking banter and joking isn't banter and joking when you're a big pissed bloke, it's intimidating and frightening'.

That's when he called me a 'Fucking dyke, fucking lesbo'.

Just fuck off, just fucking do one with your mates before I get the transport police.

Was my rejoinder.

And the young woman and I had a lovely chat as we walked down the platform and out.

He did fuck off.

I'm not scared of men like that, they're just weak and stupid usually.

Sorry for the long story!

Edited for grammar, 'twas a long post!

Great post 👍

What a stereotyping homophobic twat he is. Hope you’ve blocked him OP, and told him why.

This just makes me feel old. You haven't even met him so why waste your energy? Just move on.

Sorry, i completely misread what you'd put. What an absolute shit he is.

I have to say though, I feel empowered enough to play this game (the game of saying fuck off to arseholes), in the UK because I know, from experience, in the UK 'decent' men will stand around doing fuck-all. I think for a few reasons, 'decent' men are scared of violent men, so they 'don't want to get involved', I've got lots of things to say to 'decent' men about this.

I've been in many situations where I've stepped in to be in front of a woman, always witnessed by 'decent' blokes.

And they always say, 'If it had kicked off I would have got in there'

Which, maybe they would, but they're always quite happy for a woman to actually step in and do something.

Why can't decent blokes just say, 'No'.

'That's not ok'.

Is it because men are scared of men or is it because they have a general paternalistic nature that always back blokes no matter?

I honestly don't know.

I know in so many countries, the men just join in. Teach her a lesson with corrective rape.

I never see men take men to task in public, for their bad behaviour. I see them possibly not liking it, but I've never seen actual moral force with men in a group. I've never seen any man face up to another for this kind of shit apropos of bugger all than doing the right thing.

This evening I sent him a voice note saying I hoped he was not annoyed with me because I hadn't meant to fall asleep, and explaining that I'm absolutely exhausted at the moment.

Why on Earth are you apologising to someone for falling asleep?

Don’t do that again. Nobody is entitled to have instant responses from you. Nobody.

Please block this person, raise your bar and improve your confidence.

Block him, move onwards. He showed you who he really is.

His willy had fallen off?

Seriously I know almost exactly how you feel. Reconnected with someone I'd known years ago, had a snog and then messaged constantly and chatted for hours inc some very tame rudery. Until he suddenly announced he'd got back with his girlfriend because his friend had been having an affair with the girl that he fancied (all ridiculous childish stuff)... I was really really upset, and just cut him off. A few weeks later he messaged me asking how I was doing and for the first time in my life I felt self esteem and ignored it BUT I "wrote" on my WhatsApp for a while so it looked like I was replying just to screw with his brain.

About a year later he tried again and this time I didn't know who it was as had deleted his number, so then he said "musta deleted my number heh heh". I wrote back "musta" and he asked how I was which I never replied to. I got great satisfaction out of that.

I was gutted because I missed him and really had thought I'd found someone who was on my wavelength but he was very childish. At least he didn't call me a horrible name though!

He will I suspect get in touch again so I would suggest blocking him. I'm glad you saw his true colours before you got too involved. You'll bounce back from this sooner than you might think, but it is a blow,I get it.

Its also possible his feelings were hurt because you admitted you fell asleep sexting him (when presumably you should have been wayyyy too turned on by what he was sending to want to sleep). A little bit of a dent to his ego. That isn't a pass for him - as you say it shows his true colours, but it isn't that uncommon for men to call women lesbians when they feel rejected. So the "dyke" comment could well be because of that rather than referencing your masculine energy. Either way it reflects badly on him not you.

Yeah I totally agree with you. I'm not actually offended that he called me a dyke, what upsets me is that he thought it would be an insult, if you see what I mean. I thought he liked me for who I was, but obviously not. Sad to have seen his true colours. Not sad to come across as a "dyke" - I fully embrace who I am!