Escort site - uk punting / adult work

[Newchapter25]

Has anyone had any dealings with this site, uk punting? I found out my husband has been active on this site and adult workfor many years. It got to the point he was going on it just like an extra social media check that you’d do daily. It is an escort site. He has made regular comments on people’s posts and left a handful of “reviews” in which he graphically describes his meetings with them…. I also have seen that he rang his regular on there recently from his own phone. He swears blind that he never met any of these and it was all a fantasy. He is very ashamed and remorseful. He had apps where he could text etc from secret numbers, he claims this is because it was all a big fantasy and addiction and if he used his own number all the time it would get him blacklisted as he used to book then cancel….. He describes things in his reviews including locations of meets in great detail and says he simply used previous reviews to copy to get these details… the acts described, if true have put my family in danger (we have kids) as we’re not protected and not though the traditional route shall we say…., I have sent off an STD test and needless to say he isn’t living here since I found all of this out! He wants to go through therapy for his own stuff but also couples to see if our marriage can be recovered. Has anyone got any experience of anything like this happening to them? I can’t find a single other example of it anywhere! My gut is screaming run for the hills,, my heart is screaming that I love him. There are other issues within our marriage (his behaviour around mood swings has not been ok, name calling, whole house atmospheres etc but that’s a story for another day, I just can’t get my head around this escort thing). Any personal experience would be massively appreciated! (Also sorry to anyone who has been through this as it hurts so so bad)!

He’s a liar and serial user of sex workers
there’s no marriage to save
sounds like he was investing time, money and emotion in all of this at the expense of you and your kids
he has no thought or care for you
start divorce proceedings
im so sorry and hope your health has not been compromised by his disgusting, selfish behaviour

@K8tee So sorry you. Are going through this. I find it very surprising if he had gone to all those lengths and not been making full use of these services. Would he have had opportunities away from the family to meet these women?
With the outline of the other issues you have I would be just running for the hills. He clearly has an issue and needs to get help.

I hope that helps hasn't passed anything to you and in time you are able to heal from this and move on. X

Thank you for the quick replies, yes he had opportunity, I can’t speak for the older dates but the most recent was summer last year and yes the date and time adds up perfectly to an opportunity for him. He’s very convincing saying he didn’t do the physical act but none of it makes sense. Not that it’s ok regardless but I’d feel less sick knowing it wasn’t physical

There is nothing to rescue and or save here and you think with your head, not your heart. Your heart may well be mixing up love here with codependency.

Quite apart from he being a punter you seem to be also describing an abusive relationship in your comment, "There are other issues within our marriage (his behaviour around mood swings has not been ok, name calling, whole house atmospheres etc but that’s a story for another day, I just can’t get my head around this escort thing)".

So it is really well and truly over. Commence divorce proceedings asap.

He’s talking BS of course he met them! They always say it ‘was just a fantasy’ when they get caught.
You may love him but he clearly doesn’t live or respect you or he wouldn’t have done it.

Even if your H didn't actually meet the sex workers- which is quite unbelievable - the fact he thought reviewing, and reading reviews, of women sex workers on UKpunting was an acceptable pastime makes him a repulsive and morally repugnant man. Its an absolutely appalling site.
I'm sorry you are going through this OP but really how can you even look at him again without disgust?

The explanations are so far fetched. Of course he used the sex workers he has left reviews! He thinks you are dumb enough to buy his lies.

@Timeistightagain , I can’t look at him, I really can’t it makes my stomach churn. I will reply properly to all when I get chance but just wanted to make it clear that I agree that the website is absolutely vile. I think I’m still in shock to be honest.

They always claim they never did anything.

I found phone numbers my ex had written down and googled them, finding out they were numbers for massage places. I checked his phone and found some of these numbers had been called, often coinciding with times when he'd had hissy fits at me and declared, "we're done" for the billionth time.

I kept on staying anyway. Then, once I came across a text confirming a booking. I deliberately called him 10 minutes after the booking time. No reply. He called me back about an hour later. This confirmed for me I knew he'd been at the booking. He denied it at first, but eventually did admit it and started therapy. However, it was too late and I'll never regain trust or respect for him again.

He claims he doesn't do that any more, but my understanding is that it's an addiction and, "once a punter, always a punter". UK punting is a vile site.

He’s remorseful because he got caught. That’s it. He’s now going to turn it on you and make it your fault. If you leave, he’ll say you’re the one who ended your marriage/split the family up.

IT WAS HIM.

He’s a liar, a cheat, and an abuser. You have a choice as to whether to put up with that, your poor children don’t.

Can I ask, what do you mean by “the acts described, if true have put my family in danger (we have kids) as we’re not protected and not though the traditional route shall we say”?

It sounds like he is manipulating you to believe his narrative when it’s highly likely he did use sex workers. Remember, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it may just be a duck. I’d also urge you not to see his other behaviours as a separate thing. What you’re describing sounds domestically abusive and this may be your way to escape.

Very difficult when you love someone, but I found out my ex was looking for swinger places within his local area as well as in another area he must have been planning to visit with friends and it took me ages to accept it was over, as he tried to gaslight me so badly. He lied and lied about dating sites and was very cruel, turning it all onto me.

I don't think I could accept this, period. It would be over for me and I'd be ensuring I didn't have any STDs. So sorry OP, I know that feeling and it stinks.

It's trickle truth. If they think you know more, they will give you a little more. But continue to deny and deny. Of course he did something. Reviews? No man sits writing fantasy reviews unless they're getting paid for it!!

Sometimes the lying is worse than the actual betrayal. In your case all of it just stinks. I concur with other posters, it's the end.

I assumed she meant anal without a condom. But I'm sure she can confirm after the school run.

There is a whole industry around sex work. That's being supported by men paying for it. If one of these men is not your husband, then who are these men?

Even if you suspend your disbelief enough to accept that his hobby, along with mood swings, name calling, and creating whole house atmospheres is spending copious amounts of time online fabricating reviews of sex workers involving the specific details, calling them, setting up covert text lines... do you actually want to be partnered with that man?

Even if you did decide to belive his bullshit, the best case scenario isn't even good enough.

This is shocking and shitty but it is happening and you will regret it if you don't deal with it now. Choose yourself. Don't go to couples counselling with this idiot, go yourself. Let him do what he wants, as long as it's not under your roof. This is not a partner, he's an excuse for one.

I've seen that site mentioned on here before and had a look at it myself, it's awful. It's not really an escort site, more of an escort review site and discussion forum. You would only join it if you were intending on finding a well reviewed escort and/or reviewing them yourself. You don't need to be a member to look.

IMO it's very very unlikely that he hasn't seen a sex worker. Even if he hasn't and this is all just one big fetish, surely this will lead to him doing it in the future? And what does it say about him that his fetish is the purchase of a woman's body?

Does he have cash lying around? Check the reviews with bank statements etc to see when he's withdrawn the money. Go through your text messages with him to recall what you were doing on these days etc.

I am reading an and digesting your replies, thank you. To clarify, by putting me and my family at risk I was meaning that according his reviews, he has received oral and anal from a few different working girls. Condoms were used according to his reviews but I did see a comment where one had split when receiving a bj. I have been in contact with
womens aid over the past year about how
behaviour and it has been confirmed that it is emotional / verbal abuse. It feels completely different in real life when feelings are involved to what you read / watch but a lot of the boxes are ticked sadly.. the more I pulled him up on his attitude, the worse it got, he referred to it as my strong Independent woman stage (taking the mick) and would tell me we can’t all live in my
fairytale world. He blamed me for our marriage failing as I couldn’t ever meet his demands around the house being tidy enough etc (always trivial stuff but it left me burnt out trying to manage work, college, kids and the house). It sounds bad when it’s written down like this. He did help a lot around the house. He says he regrets his behaviour and is getting help to become a better person. He’s now going down the route of the escort stuff being an addiction … he doesn’t generally have cash lying around but does have an account where he sells stuff on eBay so transfers his proceeds into there. He is using these funds to pay for the counselling he says. We are technically separated but it was very recent, our finances are still joint and he is reluctant to separate them, says he will though. I am benefiting from the financial situation remaining as is but can see that I need to completely separate myself to become independent fully. There is so much to think about so just trying to take one day at a time. I will be reading your replies but my responses might be a little later today as I’m with my youngest.

Name change by the way, didn’t want identifying I am the OP

I’ve been reading about the trauma bond and believe this might be what I could be experiencing. I need to get my head around what’s happened, accept it and move on. I do know this and will do it for my children but my god it hurts so deeply. This life is all I’ve ever known.

Have you ever completed the freedom programme? I think it would be really beneficial and you can do it online for a reasonable cost. I’d also recommend reading why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft.

I have actually done the freedom programme in person and found it very useful. Honestly I think I’m just in denial as I’m scared of the unknown and what’s to come. I know deep down how this needs to go though and will put me and my children first.

Hi. Sorry am older ish thread I know but I just wanted to say I know how you feel as I’ve been going through pretty much the exact same situation with my husband. It’s gut wrenching isn’t it! I had proof that mine drove to a brothel (found the message to say he was outside) but he said he felt guilty and never went in. Also said he used it as a fantasy to get off on and never did anything. Funny as he can’t home and messaged another one! I hope you are ok. I know it’s a few weeks since you posted but it stays raw for a long time, my situation happened last year and I’m still here with him and full of anxiety all the time, sending hugs xx

You’ve had name change fails above as @K8teesorry. You could report and ask MNHQ to remove/alter for you.

Been through this myself so I know exactly how you must be feeling. They will try and tell you all sorts of bs to justify their disgusting selfish behaviour. They all blame it on addiction/only looking/didn't go through with it,etc. Crap! Look after yourself and children and not him. Once a punter, always a punter - how right that saying is! There's no way back from this, sorry, so move on in life without him. No wife deserves to be treated so badly. Wishing you all the best x

I wouldn't believe him, tbh his claims/excuses are ludicrous.

Also, aside from him being a serial cheater & user of prostitutes, he sounds abusive at home.

I would look after yourself, get shot of him and stay shot of him.

(Oh and there's a phrase "once a punter, always a punter" - that even prostitutes believe, because they constantly see punters whose last time it is; but never is. Paid/prostitute sex is different from regular sex and once it becomes a habit for a man, it's unlikely to ever truly stop).

It's also not cheap - he's wasting loads of your family money, as well as risking your health and betraying you.