Dating MAMILS - Are the midlife adventure seekers to be embraced?

[SpokeTheBear]

I am recently back on the dating scene and, after some definite frogs, have connected well with a guy: interesting and attractive. (I know, gold dust).

However, I am filled with a cold terror about this adventure sport thing. Much conversation and focus is on extreme sports, particularly cycling (after work trips, weekend trips, holiday trips). I am not exactly sure why things didn’t work out in his last relationship but it is possible that this played a part.

Do I need to put this in the bin now?

Haha, yes - both drive, live within 40mins of each other, and neither smoke.

Much talk of "Weekend trips/holiday trips"... of just things that he wants to do? I dated a cyclist for a while, lovely thighs! He asked me to go on club rides with him and I declined, and he was fine about it. In the end, we just fizzled out nicely, no big drama, but my point is (as I sigh remembering those lovely thighs), that you don't have to do all the things that he does. Really happy couples have their own lives and interests independent of their partners. Tell him what is your idea of a perfect weekend/holiday. Actually, if he hasn't asked you that yet, maybe do bin him, or tell him to get on his bike!!

I think it depends on your stage of life - my DH is now a triathlete so 3 sports, not just cycling but it does take up a lot of time from our lives and if he had done it when the kids were small I might not have been so happy, but kids are grown up and he loves it and he looks very good because of it - but he trains 6 days a week and Saturday and Sunday mornings are given over to long bike rides and long runs but this gives me time to do my own stuff so it doesn't bother me at all - but as I say it would have been very different 15/20 years ago as I would have been left holding the baby/toddler

It depends just how much of his free time he spends on his hobby .
are you going to have your dates cancelled or have to rain check every time he has a date with his bike or will he make time for you too .

Sometimes if a person has been single for a while they’ve had time to make a life for themselves and it’s if he has time to fit you in to this life too .

You don’t want to come second place to his hobby if things get serious coz youl be back here making a post coz he’s got no time for you .

There are some huge generalisations here. OP if you like this guy and he likes you then give it a go. If you don't have a shared hobby then make time to see each other when you're not doing your own stuff.

My DH has cycled a lot in the past but also pulled his weight with childcare and household chores and had an inexpensive (he had one second hand bike) hobby which kept him mentally and physically fit. It was a good thing.

A hobby can be great, so long as it’s not his only topic of conversation and he also engages with you on topics you’re interested in.

If you’re bored of cycling chat at this point it might be good to knock things on the head.

How many dates have you had? How much time have you physically spent together? Sounds like you are getting a bit ahead of things.

Personally it's great having someone with outside interests and hobbies as they are able to do stuff without you needing to be involved and leaves you plenty of free time.
I like having my own space and time and availability to do stuff. But everyone is different. What works for me may not work for you

I do wonder if you're asking the question because you want people to tell you what you already know... you're just not into what he's into and you want to end it.

Harsh? Maybe, but this is Mumsnet 😅

I’d appreciate the hot body but get bored if he talked at length in a dull way about his hobby

I have a friend who always advises people to have a different hobby to their OH so they will still have something to do when they die😮Anyway, I do agree with her to the extent that you don’t need to share the cycling hobby with a potential future partner. But whether this relationship is worth pursuing depends on what you are looking for. If you are content with doing your own thing while he does a Sunday morning cafe ride (that might last most of the day) then a hobby that keeps him fit and healthy is surely a good thing. But if you are envisaging spending every weekend together, perhaps on some Bridget Jones style mini break, then he might not be the man for you.

But then it also depends what you are looking for in the relationship. A short relationship isn’t necessarily a failed relationship. It can still be fun and make you both happy.

I have a good friend who does ultramarathons in extreme places (Arctic, the marathon des Sables etc) — his wife divorced him because of it. Virtually all the people I’ve met through him are fellow extreme athletes, male, and divorced.

I chose my partner in part because he was a MAMIL. Fit, healthy, great arse. But mainly I liked that he had his own interest outside of us.

I was 44 who I met him so no raising kids together

Depends if his hobby is his entire personality