Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend hates when I go to the gym

27 replies

caroBe · 01/03/2025 22:52

My boyfriend(partner) hates when I go to the gym. I stopped going to gym for a while because it was always a problem but I do not want to stop doing the things that enjoy the most because somebody has some insecurities. So I was a gym rat before having a relationship with him, we had our daughter three years ago and even though I lost all the weight I had gained during the pregnancy, I want to workout and keep myself healthy and fit, well he gets upset when I go to the gym at 5am before work. I go for about 35 to 40mins, then I come home to get things ready before leaving to work. This is the only time that I can go because after work I go home to get food ready and things done around the house and he picks our daughter from the daycare. At first he used to video call me but not anymore. His reasons are that I can workout at home, that we can workout together and even have mentioned that he does not like the fact that I am wearing tight clothing when I go the gym. I tried to explain to him that I go to gym to exercise not to socialize and that this is the only time I get for myself and I refuse to give it up. I think he has some controlling issues, he does not like when I go out with my friends which I don’t do often, once a year or twice the most. What to do in this case?

OP posts:
TourangaLeila · 01/03/2025 22:54

You say "stop going on about it or we are done." and mean it.

Neveranynamesleft · 01/03/2025 22:54

Keep going to the gym.

Lentilweaver · 01/03/2025 22:54

I'd dump him but then I go out at least 3 times a week on my own. I can't put up with a possessive, controlling man..
He's abusing you.

Alifemadelessordinary · 01/03/2025 22:55

Ultimatum. He either trusts you and drops it, or you leave him. 🚩🚩🚩

Bananalanacake · 01/03/2025 23:29

He's controlling and you need to get rid of him.

Rivari · 01/03/2025 23:30

I would dump him. He's controlling and he won't change.

EVHead · 01/03/2025 23:33

You tell him to get to fuck.

vivicoco · 01/03/2025 23:35

He is trying to control you. Leave him.

Imbusytodaysorry · 01/03/2025 23:35

TourangaLeila · 01/03/2025 22:54

You say "stop going on about it or we are done." and mean it.

This !
I think he is projecting. .
He thinks this way about women intight clothing so other men are doing the same to his women and “that’s his women” how dare they .

Imbusytodaysorry · 01/03/2025 23:37

@caroBe He will eventually wear you down
Nake the changes now . The fun without complaints and time with friends . He gets over it or gets out . No more controlling.
Call him out on it OP and say no more

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/03/2025 23:37

He's extremely controlling. He is worried you'll meet a nicer man that you deserve at the gym. Run.

Dotty87 · 02/03/2025 00:07

It's not about the gym, he's trying to control you and make your life smaller. Don't give in to this, make sure you're going out with friends and not losing touch. He sounds the type who will try isolating you, don't let him.

Thelnebriati · 02/03/2025 00:37

Don't bother giving him an ultimatum thats anything to do with the gym, he knew you liked going to the gym when he met you.

Its the controlling behaviour thats the problem. Tell him to get therapy for that or its over. Otherwise it starts with your hobbies, then your friends, and next they go after your job. And they don't stop until they have ground down every part of your personality.

RogueFemale · 02/03/2025 00:41

@caroBe His reasons are that I can workout at home, that we can workout together and even have mentioned that he does not like the fact that I am wearing tight clothing when I go the gym. I tried to explain to him that I go to gym to exercise not to socialize and that this is the only time I get for myself and I refuse to give it up. I think he has some controlling issues, he does not like when I go out with my friends which I don’t do often, once a year or twice the most. What to do in this case?

Leave him. It's a very bad sign that he's trying to control your activities. Leave before it gets worse and you start thinking you're a bad person for wanting to go to the gym or have a social life.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 02/03/2025 01:14

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-46347957

Katie Ghosh, chief executive of Women's Aid describes it like this: "If your partner is constantly chipping away at your self-esteem and rubbishing you."

"If they are monitoring who you see, what you wear, where you go and taking away your ability to see your friends and family."

Seem familiar?

Shoxfordian · 02/03/2025 08:06

He's abusive, and it's not ok for him to control you like this, leave him

TagSplashMaverick · 02/03/2025 08:45

You keep going. And you tell this inadequate, controlling Shitstain of a boyfriend to fuck off.

Crichel · 02/03/2025 08:50

You say ‘You’re boring me now’ and keep going.

WakingUpToReality · 02/03/2025 09:03

His behavior is concerning. This doesn’t bode well for you in the future as he will only likely get more and more controlling. You need to lay down your boundaries now. You should be going to the gym as often as you want, wearing what you want as you are not a child and I’m sure you know how to dress yourself appropriately. You could be going out with your friends once a week if you so wanted, as could he, with you taking it in turns to be with your young child. You don’t need to ask permission for this, you just need to discuss that is what is reasonable. Childcare and housework should be split 50-50 or such so that you both have the same amount of free/leisure time. How is it split for you at the moment? You’ll have to be very careful in monitoring how controlling he is as he doesn’t sound healthy.

mambojambodothetango · 02/03/2025 10:16

Any time he objects yo you going somewhere or doing something, you just say 'don't tell me what to do'. Who does he think he is? Being in a male/female relationship does not mean you have to make him happy by not doing things he objects to.

MzHz · 02/03/2025 23:32

I think he has some controlling issues, he does not like when I go out with my friends which I don’t do often, once a year or twice the most. What to do in this case?

you think @caroBe ?

there’s no think about it, he IS controlling you

and will only ever get worse

last chance- tell him you’ll go to gym every day if you want to, see your friends and generally make the decisions for yourself and he can get used to it or leave today.

mean it.

JemimaFlubberCluck · 02/03/2025 23:33

EVHead · 01/03/2025 23:33

You tell him to get to fuck.

👆this

Gtbb · 02/03/2025 23:54

Controlling abusive relationship.
Call Women's aid asap.

Chiseltip · 03/03/2025 00:08

He's committed a criminal offence.

Coercive and Controlling Behaviour.

Why are you in a relationship with a criminal?

Sodthesystem · 03/03/2025 01:23

He doesn't try to control you because he is 'insecure', he just wants to you to think it's insecurity so you'll make excuses for his behaviour. It's abuse and it's designed to make you give up seeing the people you love and doing the things you enjoy. To slowly chip away at your self esteem and confidence until you never go out. Normal men do not pull this shit. It's straight up psychopath bullshit. Get away from this nutcase.