34, city based and dating is bleak

[Getitgirl]

I’m feeling quite sorry for myself and would love your wisdom - especially from single mumsnetters.

first date last night via the app, Breeze, with someone (m39) who clearly couldn’t wait to leave after the first drink. I had another first date a matter of weeks before (same app) with someone who did the same - and happened to be the same age. I’m slim, put together, sociable, fit, good job, never seem to struggle to get dates. I could accept there was no spark with either man, but two occasions where they’ve clearly been turned off is.. hard.

I’m genuinely interested in people and accept that not everyone will find me alluring (!) and that first dates are a total gamble, but both chaps wanting to bolt has left me feeling a bit raw.

this comes off the heels of someone I was seeing since November ghosting the week leading up to Valentine’s Day. I thought we were getting closer after references to future plans from his side. Prior to him, I went on a handful of dates with someone who didn’t ask me any questions and acted like I was his career counsellor when he got made redundant. I kindly ended things and he circled back last week (a month later after total silence) to tell me he wasn’t in a position to date me and that he’d had an amazing holiday!

so apart from the obvious of taking a dating break (which I need) from all the dead end chats and sex pests and people who can’t string a sentence together/actually hate women, I’m at a loss. I have a lovely life but just want some companionship with a man who doesn’t make my nervous system feel like it’s been shot.

please don’t tell me to get a hobby. I run ultramarathons, am a member of a club, have lovely mates, live in a city, good job etc. But I’m finding things really crushing at the moment dating-wise and would love some practical advice on how to feel a lil better right now.

thanks for reading.

Not really got any advice @Getitgirl but just keep hope. Maybe take regular breaks from the apps to recharge?
You have to remember that things don't always fit, but it's not you, it's never you. It's just that they aren't your person.

I won't bore you with my situation other than I'm still single, have had hardly any dates, and could probably make a rather tragically embarrassing film about it all. But I know I'm awesome and one day i reckon someone else will figure that out.
You just have to keep the hope alive.

Honestly in my experience the man who was the most rude to me was the least attractive in every way. He wasn't good looking or charming or funny or even rich. He was just a complete wanker. I would have been nice to him, because I am a nice person but he couldn't manage that even through he had nothing to offer.
The better looking more interesting nicer men were without fail either at least decent or actively nice even if they didn't want to date or have sex with me. So these two chumps have outed themselves. Wankers gonna wank.
It's absolutely no reflection on you at all. Keep going if you can face it.

It may be that he had been badly treated by a woman at some point on account of his looks. Still no excuse to be rude. Next!

open.spotify.com/show/6w0DZahAeRIseAxZPmjhXg?si=EWH9CcvQQFGyLa_3stgVpA

This podcast, single ladies in your area, is so funny and it's just about this very thing. It's two comedians, Amy Gledhill and Harriet Kemsley. It's worth listening in order from the first.

I think what's happened with your dates, OP, is that they realised that you weren't going to have sex with them that night and so they went off. You had a lucky escape.

I no longer date. Similar age to you but I also know 2 younger people that don’t bother now as it’s so difficult/unpleasant.

I was thinking about my life earlier - growing old and so on and I can’t see a place for a man in it anywhere. Perhaps as a live out boyfriend but not more than that.

Wankers gonna wank 😂must use this one. Thanks for the kindness, ladies.

And @Msmoonpie i find myself thinking similar things often. I’m personally victimised by my attraction to penis people! In every other aspect my life is grand without a man, and having lived with a couple of long-ish term partners before I have totally sworn off that arrangement. I would just love someone fun and attractive to go on regular dates with, but as my best mate surmised recently ‘they all seem to lose the plot after 3 dates or go completely insane on you. Just take a free dinner where you can!’

I honestly wish she wasn’t so bang on the money.. and I’m completely not anti men. I have male friends who experience strangeness but I do think men on the apps are particularly badly behaved as experience has taught me.

I might understand if I looked like the backend of a bus and stank/had poor social skills/laughed like a foghorn. Truthfully, I am none of those things. It just seems universally shite for singles