To end things?

[ThisGladViper]

I'm an anxiously attached person and my partner is without a doubt avoidant. This is something I've worked on for a while and have managed to get in control of my emotions more, learned how best to navigate disputes etc.
But it's now getting to the point I'm starting to wonder whether he just lacks the ability to comprehend emotions at all/completely lacks empathy.
I've been having a shitty week mentally and have verbalised this a number of times. Some of which he just flat out ignores, other times he offers something practical (to cook etc). I know this is his way of feeling like he's helping, but honestly I just want him to wrap his arms around me and offer me some verbal reassurances. It's been 3 years now and I've tried time and time again to make it clear that I need comfort in times of stress, but I've witnessed him truly not understanding and grasping what that is. I think he really doesn't know what offering comfort is in the way that I need it.
I have got to the point that I'm wondering whether there is just no future path for us. It feels like it's been me that has done all the work to manage my emotions better (which I'm glad for and is important for me regardless), but fuck me is it that difficult to put your arms around your partner when she's upset and just be there / tell her everything is going to be okay?
He's not going to just suddenly 'get it' at this point, is he?

OP , the shouting at the top of his lungs at you, was this in your home? And is he still there?

From reading your updates, I would say that this is nothing to do with his relationship style and everything to do with the fact he's a nasty abusive prick.

I hope you have got him out of your home. And then please get him out of your life altogether

I’m a few years more into my relationship. In a curious way it has been good for me because I’m learning a lot about myself, I’m currently considering my next steps and reading a LOT of books and research articles trying to figure out how much of the issue is my own fear of abandonment and lack of self esteem and how much is his part.
He is, slowly, making changes and realising his part to play in some of the issues. My decision to stay or leave will depend on whether he continues to do that. If we can communicate well enough in the future and work together to overcome each of our own personal barriers and build something that can ensure we both get our needs met I will stay.

It isnt easy, but there is also a lot of very positive things about him that I haven't found in anyone else. I have managed to step back enough emotionally to prevent the damage that it was causing me before, and I can see change. If this wasnt the case I would leave, and as well as working on us I’m working on myself and my life to make sure that I will be ok if that is my decision.

You ARE enough, in yourself, to be happy. All those great feelings that you get when you are around your partner are as much from you as they are from him. You DO deserve respect, no-one should shout at you for raising reasonable feelings that their actions have triggered. If you truly don’t think he has the capacity to change then I would get out. No-one is worth destroying yourself for.

I think you might be surprised how much more energy and peace you might find without him. This relationship is taking an awful lot from you, for seemingly little reward.