FWB advice?

[4Clover4]

I'm considering finding a FWB but how do you stop yourself from developing feelings? I've had them in the past when I was a lot younger and always ended up getting attached (they didnt) but some people manage it easily so any tips or advice? Those of you with a FWB how did you make sure you didn't get attached?

You can either have casual sex or you can't.

Nailed it.

You can't stop it if you are the type who gets attached, you always will.

Yeah, it's this.

It's like rolling your tongue. It can't be learnt, you just can or can't.

What everyone else has said. It's not something I can do either; I always end up catching feelings so I just don't do it.

I'm a lot older now so can probably manage things better now than when I was younger

My advice is to make sure they just want a FWB too.

My FWB is very keen and basically acts like we're boyfriend+girlfriend. I don't really know what to do about it, I seem to be sleepwalking into a relationship with him. He's just the right amount of hot and kind/sweet to make me not cut him off altogether.

Oh, one other thing you could do is make sure you keep going on dates with other men. That will help you not catch feelings for your FWB. Good luck.

It doesn't really sound like it's for you. There's sexual health to think of as well.

I don't think that will be hard most men I have come across only want sex anyway 😂

Being older is irrelevant if you’re someone who gets attached. That doesn’t change if it’s who you are.

Im nearly 60 and I still couldn’t do FWB or casual sex despite my advanced age because that’s just not in my make up.

As PP have said, you can either do casual or you can’t - there’s no right or wrong it’s just who you are.

Why not look for a relationship instead?!

Or be open to the possibility of one I mean. Rather than say from day zero you only want sex

Friends with benefits (plural)! Two makes life a lot easier.

Because I don't have time for one

I don't know if I could do that 😅

FWB is a sort of relationship where you spend time together as friends as well as sex.

Just sex is a fuck buddy.

I hear people calling them the same things tbh especially if it's someone you meet online its more sex than real friendship ime but either way I would still like there to be a friendship. I wouldn't do it with someone who I don't hear from so in the past we sold still talk a lot over messages

How often would you be able to meet up? I would personally just be open to feelings developing rather than give it a just sex label

A relationship wont be possible for me so even if feelings developed nothing would come of it and whose to say they would feel the same anyway? That's why I'm asking advice from people that have one. I know some have more than one and some pick people they aren't physically attracted to though that sounds difficult if you aren't attracted to them. probably once a week.

I second this.. I suspect you get too attached because you are over invested. Don’t do it

Why is a relationship impossible for you?

Thanks but I posted this elsewhere and got some good advice on how to keep them separate.. Once a week would be too much so once or twice a month

I had a fwb situation for 4 years and we both knew we couldn’t be together so that helped us not get attached. But in some ways I think we should have been together lol. We were both in horrible relationships.

If you were never able to completely separate sex and love, then you simply cannot have a FWB.

Even when you can separate both, you can never "guarantee" you won't develop feelings for a FWB, the same way you cannot "guarantee" you won't develop feelings for any person you interact with.

I can separate love and sex, and have had a number of FWBs which have been very successful and enjoyable. But in two occassions I ended up developing feelings for a FWB so had to break the situationship until I recovered from those feelings.

The other way around it also happens: you can meet (and have sex with) the perfect man on paper, and not develop romantic feelings for him. One of my FWBs is like that: stunningly handsome (he actually does part-time modeling), a great guy, sex between us is great, interesting conversations... but the romantic feeling was never there for me. I found it frustrating, because he would have been perfect as a partner and quite fancied me beyond being friends!

Interactions with people always come with the chance of developing into romantic attraction. It does not really matter whether or not you know a relationship would not be possible with them, you can't control who you develop feelings for. With one of the FWBs I developed feelings for, we both knew there was zero chance we could have a relationship. I still fell for him, annoyingly. It happens.

You don't sound like you are the type of person who can enjoy a FWB, OP. I wouldn't recommend it to you.

OMG coming back to this, the FWB in question is now my boyfriend 😂

It was a slow burn but we’re having a great time and I’m, well, in free fall 🥰🥰

@4Clover4 my advice would be find someone you wouldn't dream of dating. I had one who lived in a room at his parents, no real job, smoked weed, but was a fun, kind loser. We stayed in loads and had fun. I cut things off when I realised I wanted more from someone and I wasn't bothered whether I saw him or not. Unfortunately he had the feels for me. But it certainly helped give me confidence in myself and was lots of fun. If he had had more potential, I think id have gotten attached