FWB advice?

[4Clover4]

I'm considering finding a FWB but how do you stop yourself from developing feelings? I've had them in the past when I was a lot younger and always ended up getting attached (they didnt) but some people manage it easily so any tips or advice? Those of you with a FWB how did you make sure you didn't get attached?

@Crushed23 - so pleased to hear that. I only saw this thread today and thought it was a shame you were keeping this guy at arms-length when he had so much going for him!

I’m in an LTR but read FWB threads because I think I might go for something like that if my LTR ever ended. That said, I’m sure I would develop romantic feelings - I’m more of a romantic person than a sexual person - but I’m well into middle age and wouldn’t imagine ever settling down again so I don’t think it would matter if there was no real commitment there.

What's your attachment style? If it's anxious in any degree then FWB isn't going to be possible. I have always managed them fine because I'm avoidant. That's not necessarily a good thing; but you do need to understand your patterns before you can start anything like this

Know yourself and know your attachment style.
You can't keep yourself from catching feelings, if that's who you are.

Also, be very clear on what it is exactly that you want. Do you want a FWB or do you want a booty call?
Because a FWB is in the first place a friend, who you have friendly interactions with. You just happen to also have sex now and then.
A booty call or f*ckbuddy is just for sex, nothing else.
You're less likely to have feelings for the latter, although it tends to feel more empty and unsatisfying if the only thing that you have in common is that you share a physical attraction.

Agree with PP that firstly, you have to have the ability to separate sex and feelings, and secondly, you still can't guarantee that feelings on either side won't develop. If you find yourself always catching feelings after sex I just wouldn't recommend trying to get a FWB at all.

Having said that, if you and your FWB are obviously incompatible in any non-sexual way, that will go a long way. The ideal is that you enjoy their company and some sexual chemistry, but the idea of being in a relationship with them is inconceivable because your lifestyles or personalities aims in life are poles apart, or there are practical obstacles that can't be overcome, or there's a time limit like one person planning to move abroad.

I think if you’re someone who gets feelings through sex alone it just won’t work out.

I also need to have my emotional needs met for that to happen. I have considered this arrangement but I just can’t be arsed tbh I doubt the sex will be worth the hassle of finding someone 🤣

Having been in a few friends and lovers situationships, IME they have to compliment your life not complicate it.
So, you have a full life and are contented with that life. Friends, family, hobbies, career are all fulfilling and keeps you busy.
The FWB is an addition to that. Someone who you have dinner with, spend time shopping, cinema, sightseeing and occasionally a weekend away. A fantasy kind of moment away from your already fulfilled life.
Obviously it helps if they have the same SOH and tastes in food and sightseeing. At the end of the date they return to their life and you return to yours. Just like any friend you spend time with.
Sex happens if you're both feeling it, in the mood and ready. If not then it shouldn't happen.
It takes time to find the right one. Patience is required.
It's different to a FB. That's just pure sex.

Me and mine have fallen in love and are still together after 4 years.

Some lovely happy endings on this thread 🥰

Many years ago a woman posted about how not to catch feels with a fwb.
as soon as you’ve had sex, get dressed/shower/start gardening whatever.
just dont lie about in a post coital daze letting Oxytocin do its evil work.

so no bed time sex for you!! :)

I think I’d feel like a sex worker if the guy immediately got up and left afterwards!!

Especially if he left you your bus fare home!

My fwb made it clear that we could never be together. But to this day every time we see each other she still makes it clear that she wants to do things together. She really helped me make some very interesting friendships over the years lol.