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Original poster

Texting patterns

32 replies

BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 22:50

So I've met someone and we exchanged numbers and have been texting since last weekend about when to meet up and general chatting. He has told me he has been single for a long time, he lives fairly local to me and seems keen to have a date.

I've noticed that every day since we met last weekend he texts in the morning, mid to late morning, whilst he is at work and then once in the early afternoon sometimes. I'm not a big fan of texting, I'm too old and actually so is he. I know he works a 9 to 5 office job so I find it a bit odd that he doesn't engage with me in the evenings.

For example today, he asked where we should go and where to meet. At 9.30 this morning. I did think why doesn't he ask me after work. Anyhow I responded with some dates and places that worked for me and then have heard nothing back. That was lunchtime. This is on Whatsapp and he was last online after reading my message at lunchtime. The reason I'm a little befuddled is that in my mind, in the type of job he is in, although he does have some freedom, he has to meet certain deadlines and why doesn't he wait until the evening. I've read posts on other forums where women seem to find out that men who never contact them in the evenings are usually very much attached.

Maybe I'm being overly cautious. Does anyone else find it odd? He tells me he's single and available pretty much any night I'd like to meet with him. But my spidey senses are a-tingling....

OP posts:
livelovelough24 · 27/02/2025 22:59

Hello OP,I do not have any experience in dating. Had been married for twenty five years and divorced for about three, but I would say, no reason to continue with something that makes you feel uncomfortable. I would just move on.

Cookingtea · 27/02/2025 23:03

it does seem a bit odd. It’s hard to know why, it could be that he’s in a relationship but there other plausible reasons. Have you tried looking for him on social media to see if you can see if this tallies with what he’s told you. I’m not sure why you think you are too old for messages. My relatives in their 70s message.

Original poster
BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 23:08

I've found his profile on Facebook and he has a handful of friends, including his adult children from his previous marriage. There's very little to see there. I guess I just need to be patient and wait until we actually meet. He's telling me he's pretty much available every night, which doesn't tally with him being with someone.

Maybe I'm just a cynical middle aged old sod!

There is a nice spark and chemistry between us. I found him very attractive. I met him in a local pub last weekend and a few people in there seemed to know him.

Sigh. This dating malarkey!!

OP posts:
BananaBubbless · 27/02/2025 23:12

I would be wary if he goes silent outside of work hours. It’s still very early days at the moment but if it continues like that I’d drop him.

livelovelough24 · 27/02/2025 23:13

@BlueisBeautiful Sigh. This dating malarkey!!

Yes, I know, I could not be bothered. I am my self's best company.

Original poster
BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 23:16

BananaBubbless · 27/02/2025 23:12

I would be wary if he goes silent outside of work hours. It’s still very early days at the moment but if it continues like that I’d drop him.

Yes, thanks for concurring. I do find it strange. I have a very busy job and busy life and evenings are my time for chatting usually, despite having stuff to do for my child. It's catch up on personal stuff time, and that's usually also the case for most people working a day job. He doesn't work shifts.

Going to give him the benefit of the doubt as they say and see how we connect at the weekend, if it does even happen. And then after that, if he goes silent in the evenings and there's no rational explanation, then that means something is up.

OP posts:
PoopingAllTheWay · 27/02/2025 23:19

Can you suggest a call in a evening and see what he says

InishBiggle · 27/02/2025 23:20

why not just ring him and see if he picks up - if not leave a VM and ask him to call you back.

Original poster
BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 23:21

PoopingAllTheWay · 27/02/2025 23:19

Can you suggest a call in a evening and see what he says

Good idea. Will see how the date goes first. Then if we get on, I'll do that.

I noticed quite a few people in the pub knew him and were saying hello. One of them works at another pub I go to and she is an old school friend. I think I'll ask her about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 23:23

I hate feeling like this. I mean suspicious and a bit cynical. I haven't dated for a while and start wondering why am I bothering and I know it's not everything, I have a very full life in so many other ways, but it's so rare for me to even notice an attractive man let alone get talking to one. I need to just chill a bit!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 23:32

PoopingAllTheWay · 27/02/2025 23:19

Can you suggest a call in a evening and see what he says

Just observing that's such a funny user name!! Or scary possibly! 😂

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 23:34

I'm not a big fan of texting, I'm too old and actually so is he.

There's your issue.

No one is 'too old' for texting... This alone says you are incompatible.

User1786 · 27/02/2025 23:38

Does he have a hobby or go to the gym or something in the evenings? Or maybe not an evening person. I hate speaking to people on the evenings after work, I just don’t have the mental energy but I’m not an evening person. Guess you should just meet and see how it goes

Original poster
BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 23:38

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 23:34

I'm not a big fan of texting, I'm too old and actually so is he.

There's your issue.

No one is 'too old' for texting... This alone says you are incompatible.

Mmmm, bit of a stretch? We haven't even had a first date yet...

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 23:45

BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 23:38

Mmmm, bit of a stretch? We haven't even had a first date yet...

Show quote history

You are going on about how people your age shouldn't text...

... That's weird. Texting isn't age related. It's mentality related.

PoopingAllTheWay · 27/02/2025 23:48

BlueisBeautiful · 27/02/2025 23:32

Just observing that's such a funny user name!! Or scary possibly! 😂

Show quote history

💩

Beesandhoney123 · 27/02/2025 23:53

I'd meet up and ask him. Get it out of the way on the first date when you're not overly invested.

He texts you mornings etc because he is thinking of you. He might not at night because he is busy at keep fit, clubs, whatever.
I don't text much because I don't have my phone with me always plus I only look at messages once a day:)
Other friends respond instantly. As long as they don't expect me to slavishly await messages it's fine.

I prefer a call in the evening, to catch up on the day. Just tell him, he might not like to bother you in the evenings! YET

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 27/02/2025 23:54

You're just observing something unusual, that's totally normal. See how the date goes, if you feel comfortable you could bring it up and see what he has to say - not in any kind of suspicious/accusatory way, just because it's something you've observed. Most people will text at various/random times of day, so it is unusual to have a pattern/whole excluded sections of the day.

AlexandrinaH · 27/02/2025 23:55

You say your evenings are for chatting - maybe his are for putting the phone down and switching off, especially if he has a busy job with tight deadlines.

Just a thought. I have to keep my phone on silent because the sound of any phone ringing after being at work stresses me out.

InishBiggle · 28/02/2025 00:03

Maybe hes a drinker or bar fly ....

Chunkilumptious · 28/02/2025 08:58

I know how it looks and that's a possibility.

Another could be that he wants to keep dating chat quite restricted until you meet (not you personally but dates). Evenings could be his time for himself, any in person dates, friends, hobbies. Perhaps chatting pre-meeting happens in a small window. I wasn't so organised as to have certain times of day but after dating a while I wasn't enchanted by anyone until meeting. The swiping and chat was a means to an end and I learned to keep it limited as there were so many false starts.

Depends how much you want to see how it goes. You could meet, see if he is genuinely available in the evenings or if no, ask why, then let him go, or decide it sounds too much like hard work and cancel now.

Ferrazzuoli · 28/02/2025 09:03

So what happens if you text him in the early evening? Does he read your message and then not reply until the next morning? I would find that a bit odd actually. Not that I need people to reply instantly, but as you say I would expect him to have more free time in the evenings. If you go on a date I would ask him in a conversational way about how he spends his time after work.

OldChairMan · 28/02/2025 09:08

Just tell him, he might not like to bother you in the evenings! YET

Has any man ever not texted a woman who he's interested in, because he's concerned about bothering her during the evenings, @Beesandhoney123? When she hasn't indicated that it would be a problem, in fact the opposite.

OverthinkingOlive · 28/02/2025 09:10

RedToothBrush · 27/02/2025 23:34

I'm not a big fan of texting, I'm too old and actually so is he.

There's your issue.

No one is 'too old' for texting... This alone says you are incompatible.

I'm a huge texter and absolutely refuse phone calls. I despise them. It could be this OP, doesn't mean he's married but it does mean your communication methods are incompatible.

RetroTotty · 28/02/2025 09:21

Yep 70 here and loathe phone calls, much prefer WhatsApp messaging.

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