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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My child’s dad slapped me tonight and kicked me.

57 replies

purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 21:14

Just that really, he did this all while I had my 3 year old in my hand. He’s also hit the door and the door frame and then spat at ne twice aswell. She’s told me her daddy needs to go to jail cause he wasn’t very nice to mummy and told me not to cry although in that moment I wasn’t crying.

we already don’t live together and I don’t want to be with him but how do I stop this! How do I stop this from getting worse. As I got out he told me he was calling social services… to find out all about me. We’ve had them before. I don’t want them to take my baby

OP posts:
Sunnydays25 · 27/02/2025 21:48

As all pps have said, you need to call the police now. You're not going to be able to move and hope he forget's about you.

He's made serious threats and you need to take action to keep your daughter safe. Now is the time to call the police when there's physical evidence of assault.

Listen to your daughter and us, the problem won't go away by moving.

Quitelikeit · 27/02/2025 21:52

She doesn’t want to call the police because she told social services she would keep her kids away from her relationship w this monster

He knows that due to this she won’t call the police because they’ll tell SS

Op what did you expect?! Keep him out or expect more of the same - you know what he’s capable of and you know why you need to safeguard your kids from him yet you still let him in

Original poster
purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 21:54

i am just waiting for my mum to get here and then I am making the calls I need to make.

my child sees him every week once a week and then probably on a Sunday most weekends .

He said he felt a weird vibe from me and that’s what started it off. I’m poorly I’ve been poorly all week.

the reason I still seen him was so I could be aware of what was going on around my daughter. Tonight is the first time that has happened in her life. I left her with him 4/5 weeks ago and he tried to refuse to give her back.

I won’t be doing it again.
He would need to go through court now.

OP posts:
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 27/02/2025 21:56

Do you have anything in writing (texts etc) where he threatens or references any of his threats?

Hedgingmybetching · 27/02/2025 21:56

You need to report to the police OP, you need to show to SS you are keeping your daughter safe by reporting him.

Original poster
purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 21:56

@Quitelikeit

we had them before at the start he did all the courses all the therapy all the talking ans they dropped and left within 6 months and said we were fine to be together etc. I cried the day the left us. I don’t want him or to be with him. I geniunely just want me and our child to be free and happy and if I have to fight the storm and prove I’m ok I’ll do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 21:57

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 27/02/2025 21:56

Do you have anything in writing (texts etc) where he threatens or references any of his threats?

Nope. All
face to face or phone call.

OP posts:
JustSawJohnny · 27/02/2025 21:59

OP come oooooon!!!

What do people do when a person assaults them?

You know the answer.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 27/02/2025 22:00

You phone the police and all child contact is supervised from now on.

wandawaves · 27/02/2025 22:05

purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 21:54

i am just waiting for my mum to get here and then I am making the calls I need to make.

my child sees him every week once a week and then probably on a Sunday most weekends .

He said he felt a weird vibe from me and that’s what started it off. I’m poorly I’ve been poorly all week.

the reason I still seen him was so I could be aware of what was going on around my daughter. Tonight is the first time that has happened in her life. I left her with him 4/5 weeks ago and he tried to refuse to give her back.

I won’t be doing it again.
He would need to go through court now.

Well yes he'll go through the court and be seen as a lovely caring normal father... because you haven't reported anything otherwise.
Call the police ffs, then you will have this documented for when he's trying to get access to your child.

Yellowcircle90 · 27/02/2025 22:07

You really need to report to the police. If you protect him and it escalates then SS are likely to take your daughter. They won’t if they can see you’re doing everything possible to protect her. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Please report, tonight

DorothyStorm · 27/02/2025 22:11

Yellowcircle90 · 27/02/2025 22:07

You really need to report to the police. If you protect him and it escalates then SS are likely to take your daughter. They won’t if they can see you’re doing everything possible to protect her. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Please report, tonight

Absolutely report him to the police. And yes id keep very quiet about the move and not tell him the new address. He is dangerous.

Cucy · 27/02/2025 22:16

Definitely ring the police OP.

He is dangerous and you might be strong enough to take it but your DD is not.

Show the police the damage he did to you and the door.

Tell them everything about the acid threats etc

You will then have actual proof that he is dangerous and you can stop him from seeing his child unsupervised and a court will back you up.

Witnessing domestic abuse is classed as child abuse.
So not only has he physically abused you but he’s also abused his own child by making her witness it.

Thank goodness he didn’t accidentally or purposely hurt the child.

Cucy · 27/02/2025 22:18

Yellowcircle90 · 27/02/2025 22:07

You really need to report to the police. If you protect him and it escalates then SS are likely to take your daughter. They won’t if they can see you’re doing everything possible to protect her. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Please report, tonight

Yes I completely agree.

I know of someone who had their kids removed because she protected her violent partner and so SS deemed her an unfit parent (and rightly so).

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 27/02/2025 22:18

purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 21:57

Nope. All
face to face or phone call.

Show quote history

Well then you’re going to need as much professional support as possible, so please report to police, children’s services, your DD’s nursery. Tell anyone and everyone. Its not your shame to hide, its his. Your best bet is to get the pressure on him from outside authorities so that he fucks off and never wants to see your DD again.

Him threatening to not bring her back is a clear sign that he will use her to hurt you. You need to make it as difficult and uncomfortable as possible for him to spend time with her, particularly unsupervised. Experienced professionals are your only hope to keep her safe and to keep children’s services on side. You have to show that you are capable and willing to keep her safe.

Original poster
purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 22:19

@Cucy

my mum’s just got here.

we wasn’t at my home just his and I’ve got no evidence of a single thing but it’s my word against his which is ok. He will show them who he is the minute they come and put pressure on him.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 22:21

@SnowflakeSmasher86

this is it!! I know this and want this he needs to be made to feel small and uncomfortable and out of control to literally want to run away and hide under his rock and leave us be because we already do it on our own anyway 98% of the time

OP posts:
Dolambslikemintsauce · 27/02/2025 22:25

Apply for a lives in order incase he tries to snatch her. . Do not tell anyone but your dm where you are moving to..

fraughtcouture · 27/02/2025 23:37

Why has there already been SS involvement? Is because as a PP suggested he was deemed a risk and you kept seeing him against their advice?! If so why on earth would you?!

I can't fathom you putting your 3 year old in a position where she says "daddy should go to jail". Jesus Christ.

Original poster
purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 23:50

@fraughtcouture

i actually referred us back while I was 6 months pregnant and they stayed until she was 6 months old. I’ve already explained he did all of the assessments and therapy group therapy they named it, he did it. He was moody miserable and quite controlling back then. The reason we don’t live together is because of my social worker didn’t force me into it but said she highly recommended it and left it with me 2 weeks later I rang her and told her it was all in place 3 months later she was happy for the case to be shut. Besides the bad moods and the attitude from time to time mostly all on phone calls it wasn’t esculated until tonight.

i rang the police they are contacting me once my daughter has gone to pre school tomorrow to make an official statement and go through it all . They’ve said if I don’t feel safe they will help but my mums staying with me and my siblings and brother in laws are all
a 3 minute drive a way maximum

OP posts:
MumChp · 27/02/2025 23:55

purpleblue2 · 27/02/2025 21:54

i am just waiting for my mum to get here and then I am making the calls I need to make.

my child sees him every week once a week and then probably on a Sunday most weekends .

He said he felt a weird vibe from me and that’s what started it off. I’m poorly I’ve been poorly all week.

the reason I still seen him was so I could be aware of what was going on around my daughter. Tonight is the first time that has happened in her life. I left her with him 4/5 weeks ago and he tried to refuse to give her back.

I won’t be doing it again.
He would need to go through court now.

You need to report to police so court has this information ans SS knows you put ypur child first not your ex. Do it. Now.

Original poster
purpleblue2 · 28/02/2025 00:02

I just don’t know how to switch off. My daughter hasn’t woke up tonight and by now she’s usually awake telling me she wants food telling me she wants to watch her iPad etc every night for the last week she’s had a 3/5 hour nap from 7 and woke up and began a new day essentially leaving me tired but tonight tonight of all night she’s sleeping well which I’m grateful for I just don’t know how to switch off. Ive been to check and give her a few cuddles and she is okay I worry so much about her little brain and her feelings I wish I was holding onto her now but I know she would sense my feelings even in her sleep.

I’ve washed and I’ve washed and cleansed and cleaned and everything I possibly could do to my face where his spit landed but I still feel
like I can feel it like it’s only just happened.

OP posts:
TeaNtoast25 · 28/02/2025 00:23

Report this to the police, I know this is hard but even your 3 year old knows all about it, if the police and social services know that things have happened and you have not called the police they will see it as you not protecting your child

TeaNtoast25 · 28/02/2025 00:25

Just seen your update, you have done the right thing

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 28/02/2025 00:31

Spitting at you is so disgustingly disrespectful. It really shows the level of contempt he has for you. Its no wonder you still feel it, the emotional impact of it will be stronger and have a longer lasting effect than the physical saliva. I’m so glad you’ve reported this assault. As you say, he’ll show them exactly who he is, they see men like this every day.