Been close since university, met at 20/21 years old, but even after we left uni we were still very close as we live in the same city, speaking at least once every two weeks, but more like every few days. Our lives have gone in different directions (now mid thirties) she got married and had children whilst I had an engagement break down nearly 10 years ago and have been very single ever since.
The past few years, I've been feeling like things have changed, things don't feel balanced, things feel more on her terms. I feel her effort is limited, I don't feel the same warmth from her that I used to in texts, but when we meet up (recently more arranged by me) we have a great time and she says she's enjoyed it. But then I don't hear from her for weeks and weeks until I end up checking in and asking how are her and the kids.
Part of me thinks that maybe she is just busier now being a mum, but there is always time to drop me a text when the children have gone to bed? She very rarely messages me to say hi or ask how I'm doing and I just feel like this friendship isn't working anymore but I can't imagine my life without her in it and I'm feeling really upset by it. I don't want to loose her friendship, but it feels as though she's lukewarm about mine.
Another friend I confided in said that maybe she doesn't feel the need to be in touch all the time as we have a deeper friendship now, but I can't see how it can be a 'deeper friendship' when I feel we are never in touch anymore? It actually feels like she can take me or leave me. And I'm starting to feel like I don't want to be in touch because I might be irritating to her and if she wanted to chat more, she would make that effort? She does respond when I text her and tell me any news, but it feels like its always me reaching out first.
Can't speak to her about it as I tried that a few years ago, mentioned she seemed distant and is everything ok? She responded that it isn't anything to do with me and she's just busy but she hasn't made the effort to make things better.
Long story short, long time former best friend has gone distant on me in the past few years, rarely texting me, responding only if I text her first. But she is happy to meet up and spend time with me and seems to have a good time but then goes back to being distant in between meeting.