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Original poster

BF reluctant to meet my friends and family

37 replies

HappyOlive33 · 26/02/2025 12:11

I’ve been dating my bf for 7 months. He has never had a relationship longer than 2 years for various reasons he said some haven’t treated him well and others he has decided he didn’t want to commit to. He has also never moved in with anyone. I would like to have children and commitment. When I originally started dating him he said he wanted to same thing has me but since our relationship has gone on he hasn’t said no but I know this scares him and he says I am trying to trap him with a kid.

At Christmas I asked him to meet my family and he made excuses why he couldn’t go to a family meal with me. So I went alone and we ended up having an argument over the fact that he doesn’t want to meet people. I left it a few months thinking it might too soon and decided to ask him if he would like to meet my parents. His response was very defensive and basically after moaning at me he has agreed to meet them but I feel like I am forcing him. He doesn’t have a great relationship with his family so I’m wondering if this is the reason why or if he has commitment issues and I am wasting my time with him. I’m currently thinking should I cut my loses and move on to someone who does want to integrate with my family.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 26/02/2025 12:13

You’re wasting your time with this commitment phobe who will always have an excuse for why he can’t

Dump him and move on.

DontBeBlueBeARainbow · 26/02/2025 12:14

I would agree with your thinking, cut your losses and move on.

You could spend a few years back and forth, with him trying decide whether he can commit and grow up, etc, but initial signs show no this isn't the one and he can't do it. So don't waste your time, as you'll probably regret it, given you want children.

Alalalala · 26/02/2025 12:15

Don’t waste time on this guy, he doesn’t want what you want and you’ll devote time and energy building an attachment to a guy who lets you down.

Doggymummar · 26/02/2025 12:15

What age are you?

wednesday32 · 26/02/2025 12:19

He is not as invested in this relationship as you are. He will tell you what you want to hear but won't put his money where his mouth is. Move on

CuteEasterBunny · 26/02/2025 12:25

I’ve been there. He will want relationship behaviour while never really committing.

I wish I’d walked away earlier than I did.

Wishimaywishimight · 26/02/2025 12:26

You are wasting your time, you will spend your life trying to force things; moving in, marriage, babies etc. Why bother. Just dump and move on and save yourself the hassle.

Lostworlds · 26/02/2025 12:27

If you’re wanting someone to feel like part of your family and sees a commitment in the future then I don’t think he’s the right guy for you.
You shouldn’t need to feel like you’re forcing him to meet people who are important to you.

I understand he has his own family and past relationships problems but at some point he needs to face them.

Personally I would talk to him and explain exactly what you have here. It’s not giving him an ultimatum but telling him clearly that you want more from a relationship and he can’t seem to give that right now so it’s probably better to cut your losses and end it.

Mumlaplomb · 26/02/2025 12:28

He’s a commitment phobe and too immature for the kind of relationship you are looking for. Move on now and leave him to his own company.

Shoxfordian · 26/02/2025 12:28

Saying you're trying to trap him is enough of a red flag to move on

MrsSlocombesCat · 26/02/2025 12:38

I dated someone like this for six years. He has never been married or had kids. His driving license etc still had his parents address when he moved out for a few years before I met him, he had moved back in with them by that time. He begrudgingly agreed to marry me, but when we went to pick a ring he suddenly had a budget (after spending £10,000 on a stereo). I told him not to bother.

NattyQuail · 26/02/2025 12:44

He's avoidant through and through and will only waste your time if you're looking for something serious.

These people have a knack of making you feel like you repulse them. It's horrible.

Diningtableornot · 26/02/2025 12:45

You’re wasting your time OP and to fair your partner has not tried very hard to pretend he’s up for commitment and kids.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2025 12:54

There will be someone out there that wants to meet your family and friends and will want you to meet his in return.

Don't waste anymore time with this man that doesn't value you at all but maybe also have some therapy to look at why you even started something with him as well so you can understand yourself better to make healthier choices in your future partner.

Chuchoter · 26/02/2025 13:05

Woman wants commitment and children.

So she dates a man who's made it clear he doesn't want commitment or children.

Where's the logic in that?

Come on op, he's not made of plasticine that you can shape into the boyfriend you want rather than what you have.

Kiss him goodbye.

outerspacepotato · 26/02/2025 13:12

He doesn't want a committed relationship with you. You want a commitment and children. You are incompatible

Why would you even keep seeing him after he accused you of trying to "trap him with a kid"?

Riapia · 26/02/2025 13:15

He must have something about him that is so irresistible to you that you think it’s worth continuing with the relationship.
Quite a man!!

Sunat45degrees · 26/02/2025 13:42

A man who accuses you of "this scares him and he says I am trying to trap him with a kid." is a man you don't want to be with.

I have some (small) sympathy for not wanting to meet family - if he's not family orientated, this might feel lik ea step too far in a relatively new relationship. But ifyou ARE family orientated, then this suggests you are not compatible.

What about friends? Surely after 7 months you've met each other's friends? Nights at the pub? Dinner parties? Birthday events? Sporting occassions? if you haven't, then I'm inclined to suggest you're not actually his girlfriend at all but actually the OW.

nc42day · 26/02/2025 13:49

You want children and commitment, but you know this scares him. He has told you you're trying to "trap him with a kid". Not exactly the dream scenario to add a child into?

I honestly couldn't get hot under the collar about the thought of sharing a life with, and having babies with a man who was blatantly scared of doing so, but whatever floats your boat.

You are in an unsatisfactory cycle, with you chasing commitment and him avoiding it, until so much time has gone by that you're no longer able to have children and that choice is removed.

You have a decision to make, do you love him and want to be with him to the point where you are willing to sacrifice your need for commitment and children, even though you know he doesn't feel the same?

SunshineAndFizz · 26/02/2025 13:53

Stop wasting your time.

After 7 months it's perfectly normal to meet family etc.

It would be a major red flag if someone didn't want to. He definitely doesn't want commitment.

Miaowzabella · 26/02/2025 14:13

I'm sorry, he does not see you as a long term partner.

Avatartar · 26/02/2025 14:21

Hmmm either incompatible, married or wanted man

Sassybooklover · 26/02/2025 14:21

If a man can't even meet your friends and family after 7 months, then it shows he's not invested in the relationship. Why on earth is he accusing you of trying to 'trap him with a kid'?! That seems a rather bizarre statement to make, unless you've had pregnancy scare since you've been together? Relationships have to evolve and go somewhere, they don't and can't stay the same forever! You both very clearly want different things, and he's not interested enough to committ to you in any shape or form. For your sake, I think you need to part ways, because it's not working, and is never going to, with you both pulling in opposite directions.

Bigcat25 · 15/05/2025 04:34

Dump. I would say dump him over the comment you're trying to baby trap him alone.

jubs15 · 15/05/2025 07:26

I recently ended a 10-month relationship with someone who'd never been married or lived with anyone. For the whole 10 months not a single person in his world knew I existed, other than his son in the same house. To him I was described as "a friend" and didn't even have a name.

Your boyfriend is unwilling to become more involved in your life. If you break things off, don't be surprised if he makes no effort to get you back.