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Original poster

BF reluctant to meet my friends and family

37 replies

HappyOlive33 · 26/02/2025 12:11

I’ve been dating my bf for 7 months. He has never had a relationship longer than 2 years for various reasons he said some haven’t treated him well and others he has decided he didn’t want to commit to. He has also never moved in with anyone. I would like to have children and commitment. When I originally started dating him he said he wanted to same thing has me but since our relationship has gone on he hasn’t said no but I know this scares him and he says I am trying to trap him with a kid.

At Christmas I asked him to meet my family and he made excuses why he couldn’t go to a family meal with me. So I went alone and we ended up having an argument over the fact that he doesn’t want to meet people. I left it a few months thinking it might too soon and decided to ask him if he would like to meet my parents. His response was very defensive and basically after moaning at me he has agreed to meet them but I feel like I am forcing him. He doesn’t have a great relationship with his family so I’m wondering if this is the reason why or if he has commitment issues and I am wasting my time with him. I’m currently thinking should I cut my loses and move on to someone who does want to integrate with my family.

OP posts:
ruddygreattiger · 15/05/2025 07:43

Just the accusation that you're trying to trap him with a kid would have ended it for me.

You are completely wasting your time with this so set him 'free'.

Now you know why all his relative been short term, learn from this and move on with someone that actually deserves you.

KentCatLady · 15/05/2025 07:45

This is a definite red flag and you must decide if this relationship has a future.
He clearly has a problem with commitment and if you’re constantly having to push the relationship to the next stage, it’s never going to work.
See how he behaves if and when he finally meets your family and also try and find out what they think of him.

CheFaro · 15/05/2025 07:46

nc42day · 26/02/2025 13:49

You want children and commitment, but you know this scares him. He has told you you're trying to "trap him with a kid". Not exactly the dream scenario to add a child into?

I honestly couldn't get hot under the collar about the thought of sharing a life with, and having babies with a man who was blatantly scared of doing so, but whatever floats your boat.

You are in an unsatisfactory cycle, with you chasing commitment and him avoiding it, until so much time has gone by that you're no longer able to have children and that choice is removed.

You have a decision to make, do you love him and want to be with him to the point where you are willing to sacrifice your need for commitment and children, even though you know he doesn't feel the same?

Good post.

Loloblue · 15/05/2025 07:48

Been there with this kind of guy, leave him to it and find someone who does want to meet your family. In a good relationship it shouldn't feel like an ordeal for him. Good luck

beAsensible1 · 15/05/2025 07:48

Why would think about a future and family with this guy? He is just going to run out your clock with false promises and then move on.

you are flogging a dead horse

Loopytiles · 15/05/2025 07:50

You’ve wasted your time with this one. You even continued dating him when he said you are ‘trying to trap him with a kid’?!

User37482 · 15/05/2025 08:15

He’s not as invested as you are, in my experience men who are genuinely enamoured tend to get on with it. If he’s dragging his feet it’s because he doesn’t see this relationship the same way you do. Honestly I would just move on.

SpryCat · 16/05/2025 08:58

He doesn’t have a great relationship with his family nor wants to meet your friends and family is not just because he’s a commitment phone, he sounds like he has antisocial personality disorder

Lighteningstrikes · 16/05/2025 09:27

You won’t ever change him.

Chuck this one back before you start to resent the time you’ve wasted on him, because he will waste your time if having you around suits him.

MounjaroMounjaro · 16/05/2025 09:41

There's no point in continuing this - you are wasting precious years of your life with someone who will never commit to anyone.

S0j0urn4r · 16/05/2025 09:44

Taxi!

WayneEyre · 16/05/2025 10:26

SpryCat · 16/05/2025 08:58

He doesn’t have a great relationship with his family nor wants to meet your friends and family is not just because he’s a commitment phone, he sounds like he has antisocial personality disorder

Don't be ridiculous. Where the hell have you got that from? Do you know what it even means? He doesn't want to meet her parents. Why does that suggest he's got ASPD?

OP, ignore this crap.

However, he isn't a good investment of your time. Christmas was quite soon for a long visit but I think if he was keen he could have come round for a mince pie. This is showing he isn't going to want the same level of commitment or engagement as you. For whatever reason, he's keeping you at arms length. Don't waste time. The 'why' isn't important, . All that's important is that he doesn't want the same things and sees it as you trying to push him into commitment he doesn't want. Fine. Off you go, sonny.

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