Exhausted by it all

[AllOpinionsAreMyOwm]

DH constantly irritated/agitated. By everything and anything. Especially being asked to do something (anything) around the house like unload the dishwasher, or with DC.

I do 90% of houswork but on weekends he won't do anything without me asking him to, and then most of the time he gets irritated if I ask. I get constant sarcastic comments like "ok, I'll follow my orders" or "do I have permission to do X and Y now?" He even said in front of his parents about him going to the football: "depends on whether AllMyOpinions gives permission" and "I just do what I'm told" which was mortifying as I have a lovely relationship with in laws. Flies into a rage easily, eg if I disagree with him on something. No name calling, just so angry and on edge almost every single day. It has absolutely drained me.

I suspect ADHD/anxiety but he was dismissive of that suggestion when I brought it up. I mentioned couples therapy but he said no because apparently I'd lie to the therapist and make him out to be the one at fault. I have got the ball rolling for individual therapy. Haven't ruled out splitting up but want to exhaust all other options first.

Any thoughts/suggestions/advice very welcome 🙏

It seems you are suggesting that if his behaviour is down to a MH condition it’s excusable and if personality then it’s not. As if you are trying to improve who he is by looking at him through a rose tinted lens.

Please think of yourself and look at what you need and deserve.

I don’t think you are going to change his behaviour - call it down to his MH / personality, it doesn’t really matter - any time soon. He doesn’t have the insight to see and reflect on his own behaviour, only to criticise and judge other people and find them wanting.

Have gone back and read the message you originally posted. I know a lot of people with ADHD and this doesn’t tally for that.
It’s very tempting to make allowances for people who are abusive of your self, your good nature and your boundaries.
The fact that he doesn’t make decisions outside work of course means you need to make them anyway - eg. Deliveries. Such a small thing that of course has to be escalated by someone as mean spirited as this.
You can’t always know when something will arrive and need to be signed for. How could you? And whether he tells you which day/s is acceptable or not, you need to retain some autonomy over your bloo@y lintel.
Do you think any of your friends has noticed a change in you?

Antidepressants aren’t a magic bullet that only works on depression. My experience is that they sort of blunt your emotions, so you tend to be less reactive to negative (and sometimes positive) events - they tend to make you more “yeah, whatever” than explode in anger at a trivial event.

They could work for depression, someone going through a difficult time or someone who is just a moody and miserable arsehole.

I suspect that he’s a cunt!