Husband says I have bad breath. Everyone else says I don’t. Who do I believe?

[Gina8]

Randomly 2 years ago my husband said your breath smells and it was really bad at the event we had attended.

Now, my family were at this event and many times due to noise we were talking closely and in each other’s faces to hear things. My mother and sister didn’t say anything.

When I asked my mother, she said my breath didn’t smell otherwise she would have told me. The day my my husband said it smelt, I asked someone else to smell it and they confirmed it didn’t smell.

Never in my life have I ever had anyone say to me or any of my exes.

Plus, I go to the dentist and hygienist regularly and get told my oral hygiene is good. I floss, use interdental brushes, brush teeth daily. They even said nothing wrong with my breath.

So that was that.

Yesterday, we are going on a date. I do my usual teeth cleaning routine.
We get back. Husband says your breath was bad today. That’s why I couldn’t stand opposite you. But weird thing is, he kept sitting next to me and getting close to my face whilst showing me videos on his phone.

I told him that I think he’s saying this to put me down. As recently I’ve had my teeth straightened and whitened and get compliments on it. Also in the past my husband has made remarks about my “looks”. And his own teeth are yellow and he hasn’t been to a dentist in years and doesn’t floss.

In return my husband just start getting more offensive. Saying he finds my breath offensive, it’s offending him etc. I felt I was going crazy. The same evening I met my mother. She smelt my breath and said it didn’t smell.

I’m confused on why my husband is doing this? Or am I possibly missing something about my breath?

If he has form for putting you down then this seems the most likely explanation. Sorry, how horrible.

Hi OP. What’s he like when you have to talk to him about something. How well does he handle criticism? How self aware is he? Has he had conflict with people and his need to think well of himself had made it impossible for him to repair?

He doesn’t sound very nice, but having said that some people are more sensitive to smells and perhaps he is picking up on it where others aren’t. Have you seen a hygienist and asked them? You’ll get an honest answer.

He sounds an inadequate, snippy little man. It's him not you. What other comments ha he made?

Yes, he’s a threatened, insecure, inadequate, nasty little man, who’s trying to put you back in your box. What a spiteful thing to do to someone he supposedly loves. Awful.

What other nasty little jibes has he made about your looks?

Oh God. My husband went through a phase of telling me my breath smelled bad. He always seemed to do it when there was nothing I could do about it, like when we were just walking into a pub to meet friends or just walking into a car showroom to meet an advisor to talk about a car. He managed to persuade me to go to the Drs about it, who told me there was nothing wrong with me, along with the dentist. Similar to your position, I brush twice a day etc and go to the dentist regularly and my husband brushes once a day, doesn't go to the dentist unless he's in pain and he has yellow teeth.

Anyway, I was young when I went through this with him and now I'm decades older, I know its part of his routine of trying to undermine me and make me feel shit about myself, as part of his emotionally abusive behaviour. If it was genuine, why would he suddenly stop mentioning it? I think it's because he's done with that way of trying to devalue me and make me feel shit about myself and has moved onto other methods.

Another phase of undermining me just recently, was if he is driving the car and I get out before him so he can park in a space, I will shut the car door and he will immediately reach over and open the door and reclose it, as though I haven't shut it properly, even though I have. Day after day, week after week this went on for, every time he reversed onto our drive and now all of a sudden, it's stopped. Another little trick to try and make me feel bad. Does your OH do anything else to try and undermine you? Have a think.

So I would believe in yourself if I were you and what other people tell you. Be very wary of this man and think whether he has a habit of trying to devalue you and play with your mind. Because he has successfully got you thinking and worrying about this when other people are telling you there is nothing wrong.
I don't know about your man, but I've recently come to realise mine is definitely emotionally abusive and has been for years, so I'm doing a moonlight flit in a few months when he's away for the week on a business trip even though I'm 30 years in.

Did you not read her OP?

Yes. I go to them every 6 months for my clean. Hygienist has said nothing is wrong.

Gaslighting you because you're 'better' than him

Basically trying to neg you to keep you

Insecure man child

In anger once he said “look at the state of you”.

Another time he said my looks were washed up. Even though I am a decade younger than him. He claimed he said it in anger.

If you'd had asked friends, I might have said that perhaps they were lying to spare your feelings...but you said you asked your mum and if your family is anything like mine, she'll be telling you the truth.

What's your DH like generally outside of this issue?

Who are these disgusting little men? This is not love.

He’s emotionally abusive, OP. Like the poster said above, can you think of other ways he tries to undermine you?

Are you in a position to get away from him? He’s out to destroy you. Fuck knows why. 💔

His comments have wormed their way into your head and unsettled you (as they would me). You can’t take no notice. It’s a form of abuse. Interesting he’s picking on your breath after you’ve had nice new teeth etc. He’s an utter bastard

No, I agree, but it's a whole story about how it took me so long to see this!! All I can do is get out now and try to reclaim the rest of my life 💪and share my experience with others, so they can hopefully avoid wasting years like I did.

You could just leave him and take your beautiful smile elsewhere

Why the fuck is this prick still your husband?

"2 years ago my husband said...."

Should have ended with..
".....and the divorce was finalised about 6 months after."

You've had 3 individuals tell you your breath is fine and only 1 tell you it isn't. Presumably your mum and sister would tell you the truth and the hygienist is probably used to being asked that and has nothing to gain by lying - theoretically could even make money out of it by getting you to pay for more appointments! It's highly unlikely all 3 people have lost their sense of smell.

So you have your answer. Your husband is lying and must be saying it to put you down.

@TaTagSplashMaverick
Oh I'm rooting for you.
Please let us know how it goes 💐

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

He sounds awful, negging arsehole

Maybe he's smelling his own. His oral hygiene doesn't sound up to much.

I'd be telling him maybe he needs to look at his own teeth.

Tell him he is mistaken - it's his breath that stinks, he might want to go and visit a dentist!

CF! He is trying to make you self conscious.

He could be smelling his own breath and blaming you?
Or he's a prick

Have him smell your lipstick. It might be that. There is one brand that smells like bad breath to me, but only me!