Husband says I have bad breath. Everyone else says I don’t. Who do I believe?

[Gina8]

Randomly 2 years ago my husband said your breath smells and it was really bad at the event we had attended.

Now, my family were at this event and many times due to noise we were talking closely and in each other’s faces to hear things. My mother and sister didn’t say anything.

When I asked my mother, she said my breath didn’t smell otherwise she would have told me. The day my my husband said it smelt, I asked someone else to smell it and they confirmed it didn’t smell.

Never in my life have I ever had anyone say to me or any of my exes.

Plus, I go to the dentist and hygienist regularly and get told my oral hygiene is good. I floss, use interdental brushes, brush teeth daily. They even said nothing wrong with my breath.

So that was that.

Yesterday, we are going on a date. I do my usual teeth cleaning routine.
We get back. Husband says your breath was bad today. That’s why I couldn’t stand opposite you. But weird thing is, he kept sitting next to me and getting close to my face whilst showing me videos on his phone.

I told him that I think he’s saying this to put me down. As recently I’ve had my teeth straightened and whitened and get compliments on it. Also in the past my husband has made remarks about my “looks”. And his own teeth are yellow and he hasn’t been to a dentist in years and doesn’t floss.

In return my husband just start getting more offensive. Saying he finds my breath offensive, it’s offending him etc. I felt I was going crazy. The same evening I met my mother. She smelt my breath and said it didn’t smell.

I’m confused on why my husband is doing this? Or am I possibly missing something about my breath?

sorry, sorry... wind back up a cotton pickin' minute.. so he has yellow teeth, hasn't been to the dentist in years and never flossed?!! OK righto and you are the one with the problem?! 🙄

Hi Op -
I'm not saying that you do have bad breath, but for the avoidance of doubt, this may be a useful tactic.

My husband used to raise my bad breath from time to time (despite the fact I take good care of my teeth and have good oral hygiene, and checked things out with the dentist and hygienist). But it seems the problem was my tongue. Now I do what he does, which is to brush my tongue with a small amount of liquid soap and try to reach to the back as far as possible (yes sometimes it may make you gag) - then gently scrape tongue with a soft plastic scraper. Finally it's something that seems to have worked.

Unfortunately it may be harder to get rid of an arsehole husband though.

Genuinely not sure where you go from here in the relationship OP. A partner telling you lies like this, and using the lies as an excuse to repeatedly insult you is about rock bottom in a relationship. It's bad enough him spewing out his insecurity at having a younger (and I'm willing to bet) much more attractive partner by putting you down generally, but to mess about with reality trying to convince you a lie is the truth, that's another level. I honestly don't see a way forward unless he admits what he's doing and gets help to deal with his issues. Even then you'd have to forgive a lot.

A) he's got a sinus infection and that's what he is actually smelling.
Or
B) He's a negging arsehole.

He doesn't sound very nice.

Could it be possible that when he's up close talking to you, it is actually his own breath that he's smelling?

I would suggest to him that he needs to improve his own oral hygiene before he is able to pass comment on someone else's.

Is he jealous or resentful that you have had work done to improve your teeth and he is putting you down to dent your confidence as he is insecure? He knows that your mouth is something you are conscious of, so is attacking your sensitivity. Still, no excuse for his behaviour.

Does he put you down in other ways too?

He told you your breath smells and your looks are washed up?

Why are you with this vile disgusting shit of a man? Get rid of him.

From what you say about his oral hygiene, I would say that he is smelling his own breath not yours. Tell him his breath stinks and see how he likes it

Next time, tell him, his nose is too near his arse….

so I'm doing a moonlight flit in a few months when he's away for the week on a business trip even though I'm 30 years in

All the very best to you going forward lovely lady ❤️. You’ll not regret leaving. I did after 38 years and life is very good.

@BestDIL

From what you say about his oral hygiene, I would say that he is smelling his own breath not yours. Tell him his breath stinks and see how he likes it

In Scotland we’d tell him his nose was too near his own a**e.

He's definitely feeling insecure because you had your teeth done OP - I bet you feel great about them now so he can't resist trying to spoil it for you. He knows you felt insecure and didn't like smiling. I've been there, I know. People are so teethist. Why not suggest to him that he gets his done and watch his reaction as he gets confused as to how to respond!
Seriously, just LTB now and save your future self the hassle..

If your GP and dentist especially have said you're fine, and you can't spot any link to what you're eating or have eaten the day before, then given your other comments too I would guess he's feeling insecure.

Instead of working on that, he's grinding you down to his level. He's aware that he's a decade older than you and I wonder if this is his attempt to make you feel low so that you don't feel emboldened to leave him.

I have an ex who said this to me. I check myself still. I was a mature student at the time and my house was 'home base' for a bunch of friends that I really liked working and socialising with.
He said they were only my friends because I lived near Uni and made them welcome at home.

Others have covered off what a dick he is, but as a tip you can check your breath by licking your hand, letting it dry then sniffing

Read this and see if there’s any similarities

www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Even if your breath was offensive (it's been established that it isn't) his behaviour is still that of an utter dick.

thank you

I really hope this is a joke?? Liquid soap?? 🤨🤨🙄🙄

Ah, so the 'inject yourself with bleach' approach to hygiene hasn't completely gone away.

Next time he brings it up, say along the lines of 'No, DH, it's YOUR breath that smells, it must be bouncing off my face and wafting back to you. Let me make you a dentist appointment, your teeth do look like they need a bit of TLC now'

She has asked other people. Her mouth is healthy , she's explained she goes to the dentist and hygienist regularly.

There was a thread on reddit, or something like that, where the man kept telling his gf that she had BO. it eventually transpired that his dad had told him a woman would never leave if you made them feel like they couldn't get anyone else. She dumped him when she found that out. She had been for tests at the gp, asked all her friends and family etc etc. Maybe he is doing the same?

I linked it upthread.

On the occasions when he's told you this, are they times when you have looked particularly nice or when someone has paid you a compliment?

It's so obvious that he's picking on this because it's something that he doesn't have, a nice smile, and that he doesn't want you getting out of your box about.