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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confident or just too big headed?

30 replies

Itsjustme543 · 23/02/2025 15:26

Boyfriend has an inflated sense of self-worth and I'm not sure if it's normal. I have never been confident in myself anyway so maybe it just seems big headed to me as I'm quite humble and never big myself up.
He just always seems to think he is the best. He often says things like 'the messiah has arrived' as he enters rooms or how he is the best and he's the God.
He says you should love yourself because you can't expect anyone else to love you if you don't even love yourself but it comes across egotistical and big headed. It's becoming a turn off.

I obviously find him attractive and handsome but to anyone else he is a 30 year old man with very thinning and receeding hair. He makes out like I should be lucky to be with him as other women would kill to be in my position dating someone as good looking as him with the good job that he has. Yes, he does have a good high paying job, he earns nearly triple what I earn but he often speaks negatively about other occupations (such as bus drivers or the council etc) and I have told him I don't think that's fair. I think it's a really ugly trait to speak of someone's job like that when they have also worked hard to get to where they are.

He is funny and smart and has lots of good qualities. But when I do compliment him and say something like 'you are looking really fit in that outfit/you scrub up well' his response is usually something like yeah I know I do. Same when I say I like how smart you are, you know lots if interesting facts, you're so intelligent. He just responds with yeah I know I am.

He doesn't have many friends and I don't know why he does this. It's starting to put me off and give me the ick. I think in life you have to back yourself to a degree but it's important to stay humble amd understand how to take a compliment gracefully.

OP posts:
GrainneIsAinmDom · 23/02/2025 15:27

🤢 that is all so off-putting. I know you say he has other attractive traits, but they'd need to be very attractive indeed for me to put up with that

vodkaredbullgirl · 23/02/2025 15:28

Bigheaded yep, wonder why he has hardly any friends.

ShamrockShenanigans · 23/02/2025 15:29

Christ, I couldn't put up with a twat like that for than 5 minutes, let alone feel attracted to him.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 23/02/2025 15:29

It's great to be confident. But he needs to be gracious when accepting compliments.

He just sounds a bit of a dick. Sorry.

category12 · 23/02/2025 15:33

He makes out like I should be lucky to be with him as other women would kill to be in my position dating someone as good looking as him with the good job that he has.

Does he ever make you feel good about yourself or that he respects and values you?

Cos he sounds like he makes you feel bad about yourself. In which case, dump the fucker already.

Whiteglovehandling · 23/02/2025 15:35

If I had to pick one extreme or another, I would find this one less draining than someone who needed constant encouragement and reassurance, the latter is more likely to be the true narcissist than the grandiose in your face one. Grandiose are not as insidious.

Watendlath · 23/02/2025 15:39

OP, that’s not healthy self-confidence, that’s someone either deluded or pathetically boasting to cover up an inferiority complex. Either way, it’s not something you need.

Sortalike · 23/02/2025 15:45

Well I've got the ick...He sounds like a prick.

I'm a poet-

Having a good job is one thing, but to make disparaging remarks about others choice of career is incredibly rude - that alone would make me dump him.

Whenim63 · 23/02/2025 15:46

People with high self worth don’t behave like this. I would bet that underneath all his outward, rather embarrassing bravado, he has a crippling lack of self esteem.
However, that is his issue to resolve, not yours. And the “messiah has arrived” comment not to mention the “how lucky you are to be with him “ bullshit made my legs clamp shut, so I would throw this one back.

Boopeedoop · 23/02/2025 15:48

Is he Russell Brand?

Kittygolightlyy · 23/02/2025 15:49

Whenim63 · 23/02/2025 15:46

People with high self worth don’t behave like this. I would bet that underneath all his outward, rather embarrassing bravado, he has a crippling lack of self esteem.
However, that is his issue to resolve, not yours. And the “messiah has arrived” comment not to mention the “how lucky you are to be with him “ bullshit made my legs clamp shut, so I would throw this one back.

Exactly 💯.

Last thing you need is an insecure but outwardly boastful twat. He sounds like the most annoying kids from my kid’s primary school.. (years ago).

Easipeelerie · 23/02/2025 15:52

He’s putting me in mind of Ness - “I know. I feels it”.
Seriously though, he sounds a bit weird and the criticising other jobs is mean. I’d bin.

Sosoweary · 23/02/2025 15:54

Given your description of him OP I think you know why he hasn't got any friends.
He sounds unbearable.
And I would suspect that your lack of ego and self worth is one of the reasons he finds you attractive - he feels he can safely boast away to you and he thinks you will be taken in by him.

MyShare · 23/02/2025 15:56

I'm sorry but 'the messiah has entered the room' 😂

I'm not surprised you are getting the ick. Nothing wrong with having some confidence and backing yourself and he is right in saying you need to love yourself but this is just bordering on big headedness. What a massive ego he has.

Stickystickysticky · 23/02/2025 15:56

He doesn't have many friends
I wonder why? 🙄
He sounds insufferable and probably massively insecure under all the bluff.

ohyesido · 23/02/2025 16:00

Saying the "messiah" has arrived is out of the ordinary most of us would acknowledge that this is highly blasphemous even if we aren't particularly religious! He must be a narcissist of the highest level

Itsjustme543 · 23/02/2025 16:07

I'm glad its not just me that thinks this then. I called him out on flagging off other jobs, one occupation in particular, but one that is very popular in day to day life and it's always awkward now when I mention that thing.

I am a little religious, not one to get het up over being blasphemous but yes I have said before about needing to go to church as I've not been for a long time and he has said I'm the only God you need right here. 🙄 I can brush it off and take it as a joke, because I don't take my religion seriously but it does show inconsideration.

The friends thing is a touchy subject and he has broken down about this in the past. I feel there is some past childhood experience and friendship things that have led to this perhaps but he shuts down, refuses to talk about it and says its rude for me to bring his childhood/family into it. They are not emotional people, and thing he does care deep down that he has no friends. He has got so used to being on his own that he has become selfish and self centered a little. He refuses to see a therapist, couples or otherwise to help.

OP posts:
Trunksarebetter · 23/02/2025 16:13

He doesn't have many friends

Quelle surprise.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/02/2025 16:15

Make this man your ex now. He is your Mr Wrong.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/02/2025 16:16

You cannot help him and besides which he does not want your help or support. You need a partner, not a project.

Edcc · 23/02/2025 16:17

OP, he's a head wreck and obviously so insecure.

Why would you try and talk yourself around when he clearly has so many issues, not least being a total twat?

How could you listen to such tedious drivel?

cocoromo · 23/02/2025 16:33

”oh to have the confidence of an mediocre man” - there is a reason these type of quotes exist.
see also:
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts and the stupid ones are full of confidence."

DoYouReally · 23/02/2025 16:53

It sounds like he's actually trying to convince both you and him thst he's great when he really knows he isn't. Major over compensation going on.

It's not self confidence. The most self confident people I know are just quietly self assured. They don't feel the need to talk about how great they are.

I couldn't listen to him.

Specso · 23/02/2025 16:57

I’d bin him, it’s slightly giving you the ick now. Give it a couple of years and you’ll find him completely insufferable. Don’t waste your time.

Itsjustme543 · 23/02/2025 17:02

cocoromo · 23/02/2025 16:33

”oh to have the confidence of an mediocre man” - there is a reason these type of quotes exist.
see also:
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts and the stupid ones are full of confidence."

😂 ha brilliant quote! I will definitely be thinking this next time.
He wasnt like this the first year I met him, but the mask has slipped it seems.

OP posts: