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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confident or just too big headed?

30 replies

Itsjustme543 · 23/02/2025 15:26

Boyfriend has an inflated sense of self-worth and I'm not sure if it's normal. I have never been confident in myself anyway so maybe it just seems big headed to me as I'm quite humble and never big myself up.
He just always seems to think he is the best. He often says things like 'the messiah has arrived' as he enters rooms or how he is the best and he's the God.
He says you should love yourself because you can't expect anyone else to love you if you don't even love yourself but it comes across egotistical and big headed. It's becoming a turn off.

I obviously find him attractive and handsome but to anyone else he is a 30 year old man with very thinning and receeding hair. He makes out like I should be lucky to be with him as other women would kill to be in my position dating someone as good looking as him with the good job that he has. Yes, he does have a good high paying job, he earns nearly triple what I earn but he often speaks negatively about other occupations (such as bus drivers or the council etc) and I have told him I don't think that's fair. I think it's a really ugly trait to speak of someone's job like that when they have also worked hard to get to where they are.

He is funny and smart and has lots of good qualities. But when I do compliment him and say something like 'you are looking really fit in that outfit/you scrub up well' his response is usually something like yeah I know I do. Same when I say I like how smart you are, you know lots if interesting facts, you're so intelligent. He just responds with yeah I know I am.

He doesn't have many friends and I don't know why he does this. It's starting to put me off and give me the ick. I think in life you have to back yourself to a degree but it's important to stay humble amd understand how to take a compliment gracefully.

OP posts:
theboffinsarecoming · 23/02/2025 17:03

MyShare · 23/02/2025 15:56

I'm sorry but 'the messiah has entered the room' 😂

I'm not surprised you are getting the ick. Nothing wrong with having some confidence and backing yourself and he is right in saying you need to love yourself but this is just bordering on big headedness. What a massive ego he has.

life of brian GIF

Messiah, eh?

5128gap · 23/02/2025 17:27

Never be with a person who thinks you're lucky to have them. They are basically telling you they're better than you. This is not only hugely belittling and disrespectful, but also tells you exactly how they think the relationship should play out, with them calling the shots and you gratefully complying. For what it's worth, he probably thinks the opposite, as genuinely confident people don't tend to do this stuff. Which is worse in a way because you'll find yourself constantly massaging his fragile ego.

Watendlath · 23/02/2025 17:29

Itsjustme543 · 23/02/2025 16:07

I'm glad its not just me that thinks this then. I called him out on flagging off other jobs, one occupation in particular, but one that is very popular in day to day life and it's always awkward now when I mention that thing.

I am a little religious, not one to get het up over being blasphemous but yes I have said before about needing to go to church as I've not been for a long time and he has said I'm the only God you need right here. 🙄 I can brush it off and take it as a joke, because I don't take my religion seriously but it does show inconsideration.

The friends thing is a touchy subject and he has broken down about this in the past. I feel there is some past childhood experience and friendship things that have led to this perhaps but he shuts down, refuses to talk about it and says its rude for me to bring his childhood/family into it. They are not emotional people, and thing he does care deep down that he has no friends. He has got so used to being on his own that he has become selfish and self centered a little. He refuses to see a therapist, couples or otherwise to help.

So what is in any of this for you?

Daleksatemyshed · 23/02/2025 18:59

He doesn't have any friends and doesn't want to talk about why - I think the core of the problem lies there Op. He's not the self confident person he tries so hard to portray, more likely he was bullied or friendless at school and the person he shows you is just a facade, it's the person he wants to be. I don't like to kick someone when they're down but he's gone to far, trying to put others down to big himself up, really he's living a fantasy life where he's someone else completely
If he'd be honest with you and let you help, or better still if he'd get therapy and help himself, there could be a chance this would work out but he's too invested in being his alter ego. There's not much chance of a real relationship with someone who can't be themselves with you.

Mookie81 · 23/02/2025 19:59

He's a cunt.

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