Should we go to next door neighbour's funeral?

[Chayyp]

Neighbour was in early 80's but has sadly died.
His wife is still alive and will continue to live next to us.

We have had a bit of an up and down relationship with them over the last few years, despite being old the man was hard work and seemed to be deliberately difficult at times. We always found him a bit suffocating and treated our young kids like he was owed their time and we were being unfriendly if we didn't want our kids spending lots of time with them. It was always a bit weird and uncomfortable how he wanted to be heavily involved in our lives, despite us only being neighbours and not family.
Anyway I'm sure people will come on to say it's a shame and he sounded friendly etc but in our experience he was too much.

Anyway, now he's no longer here his DW has invited us to the funeral. His wife is lovely and very sweet so I feel we should go for her. However she probably won't notice if we're there or not, especially as they have a massive family.
WWYD?

Obviously you needn't both go, just one of you. Take half a day it'll be over in an hour.

It'd be a nice thing to do for his wife who has asked you to go.

I've been to neighbours funerals who I wasn't bothered about before. The relatives are always grateful.

Our neighbour passed away recently, she was in her early 80's, and we live on a small street of 15 houses. We are all pretty friendly with one another. I went to the funeral, and so did at least one member from each household on the street. We went to show our support and respect to her husband, who will now be living without her, and the wider family. I think its the right thing to do, and a nice respectful thing to do for your remaining neighbour.

Go, she will appreciate it. She maybe thought he was an arsehole too.
Even if not, she's nice and will continue to be your neighbour.

It's respectful to go to a neighbour 's funeral do I'd vote go.

I agree. It’s a courtesy invitation. I find it odd that people are talking about you “supporting” your neighbour here - she has family and friends for that. People are overestimating how important your attendance would be.

I honestly think if you went, she’d think “Nice of them to come”, make sure you had a drink and knew where the buffet was afterwards, and then carry on talking to people to whom she is actually close. If you don’t go, she’ll barely notice.

He is dead and wont know if you go or not.

Its really up to how you want to deal with you current relationship with the woman next door.

And memory can be funny she may never remember meeting you if you went but would notice that she did not meet you if she expected you to go.

Go to the funeral.
you are extending kindness to your. Neighbour.

Yes, this.

I wouldn’t go. I rarely go to funerals unless I am very close to either the deceased or partner.

I think it’s a neighbourly thing to do and it’s about her not him

Funerals are for the living so from what you’ve said then yes probably go, or just 1 of you - I wouldn’t be taking the kids! You’ll probably find many people mention he was a tricky character too, if my much-loved but tricky grandpa’s funeral is anything to go
by!

Yes, this. Your relationship with him is neither here nor there now he's gone, but she will appreciate your attendance.

No I wouldn't go. If you like put a card through the door, of commiserations etc.

But I wouldn't go and I wouldn't offer excuses.

I don't like funerals so avoid them except for those that mean something to me.

He spoke poorly to his wife?
Fxxk that, I wouldn't have entertained him for a minute.

Life will undoubtedly be much much better for her now he's gone.

I would go because his wife asked. It’s just a couple of hours. I’d also pop a sympathy card through the letterbox.

I’d just make up an excuse. I wouldn’t go.

I only go to funerals of people I like and/or loved, so I wouldn’t go. It sounds like he was a deeply unpleasant man and the world is better without him. Save your annual leave for other things.

Id go, even if only one of you could make it. It's not even for him it's for his wife who's now on her own and might get comfort knowing that her neighbours cared to go. Drop a sympathy card in the letterbox too

If you don’t want to go then don’t. I would pop a card through the door, make a donation to whatever charity they nominated and when the hearse is leaving their house, one of you stand outside yours with your head bowed. A mark of respect that his wife will probably appreciate being of the older generation. Tell her you couldn’t get the time off work if she asks. She won’t ask.

Will she, though? I’m not suggesting she actively doesn’t want OP and her family there, but I doubt their absence is going to be a huge issue. In all likelihood she has said to all the neighbours “The funeral is at St. Mary’s on Thursday if you’d like to come”.

I go to neighbour’s funerals, it’s part of being a local community.

In your case with leave restrictions and not being close friends with the deceased, it would be fine for either you or your DH to go alone to represent your household and pay your respects to his wife.

Go. It clearly means a lot to the widow that you do.

They don't both need to go. Most places would allow an employee an hour off to attend a funeral.

Fine if your office is next door to the church. How are you going to get there and back AND attend the funeral within the space of an hour if you don’t work around the corner?

Go to support his wife. She'll appreciate it even if she doesn't have much time to talk to you. Maybe you could take half a day or even a couple of hours off for the actual service, you don't need to stay for ages. One of you could go, it doesn't have to be both.

That's what's always said whenever anyone dies in our village.
They really don't give a flying fuck if the neighbours come. It's just the done thing to let people know.