Going on dates without telling parents

[milkyway512]

I’m a 25 year old woman living alone in London area, and have decided I’m ready to date again, after a long period of being celibate and not ready.

I’ve had quite a few attempts in the past during this time where I tried to date, but they weren’t successful as they were not right for me or ghosted me before meeting. I have to admit I have ended things with some people because they were sexting too much, just didn’t feel like a right fit, etc.

The main thing is I feel ready to have sex again, and this becomes murky territory for me as I’m not sure what’s normal and what isn’t when it comes to the lead up. I’ve had sex before, but I’m prepared for a one night stand or fwb, as I really do feel like doing the deed.

sorry I’m digressing a lot!

Now I feel I’ve matured a bit and am ready to dive head first into it, but I’m a bit wary of a few things. Firstly, I’ve got two dates set up with two different men (?!) and am firstly wondering if that’s normal/okay. If I sleep with them both, am I promiscuous? Or dare I say it, the w word? I don’t believe in those derogatory words against women but I worry I am one.

secondly, I haven’t told my mum I’m meeting these men. I tell her everything, and if I told her I’m just meeting a man I don’t know on the internet for sex she would go mad.

He is coming to mine, but I’m just not sure if meeting him is a good idea? I have done this before, and this is how a relationship started, but it was toxic and awful and he showed a lot of red flags in the beginning. I haven’t had a long term relationship before.

I’ve got two dates set up Iike I said: one is a man that is 29 and I am meeting him where I live and then going back to mine. Then I am meeting someone else and we’re having drinks before, then I’m not sure if I’m going back to his or not. Is this normal? Is it normal to go back to someone’s flat or house on the first date? Is it normal to meet a man you don’t know to have sex even without drinks first?

I’m sorry if this is long, I just didn’t want to drip feed information! I haven’t told my parents any of this and part of me doesn’t want to as I’m an adult now, but I also don’t want to get murdered and be reckless and unsafe.

thank you, any help is appreciated :)

No need to tell your parents but are you telling anyone? Think about your safety

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful messages. I have taken your consistent advice, and decide not to pursue casual sex altogether. I think if I’m being honest with myself, I would definitely prefer a long term relationship but just haven’t felt I can get one - I think that’s a problem in of itself which I will work on as much as possible with a therapist.

thank you for the concern for my safety, I was concerned too and thought I might have been being reckless, and I said to myself I wouldn’t be reckless again so I’m very glad I posted on here as it has sort of spoken some sense into me a bit.

thank you again, I’m going to stay safe and stay away from random hook ups online. I will also do the freedom programme.

thank you again :)

Good luck! There are plenty of good men out there just waiting to meet someone like you.

Sometimes casual sex is OK. But I personally believe you shouldn't go looking for it. If it happens it happens. Work on your social life in general, and you'll meet nice men.

Great relief to read your update and know that you plan to look after yourself and stay safe- you deserve the best. Good luck in all you do in your future @milkyway512

Oh well done OP.
You are a star.
It is a tremendous life gift to be able to take good advice and act upon it.
So many do not have that skill.

Look up "The Shark analogy" too.
Meeting someone you do not know in a public place, preferred for coffee a few times first is wise.
Always telling someone that you are meeting someone is wise too.

Therapy is great.
Never hesitate to come back and ask any other questions.
We are here for you.
Hill walking, sports clubs, political groups, drama groups, walking groups, are all positive ways to meet people.

What a lovely update, OP, I think that's a really wise decision.

Wishing you all the best - you're still very young yet and deserve love and all the good things in life.