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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Uncomfortable play fight

31 replies

Goldusty · 22/02/2025 22:06

Dd's best friend has a close relationship with her own dad and they often play fight .Dd's friend is 18. However tonight DD's friend has asked DD whether her dad My (DH) has ever accidentally grabbed DD's buttock in a play fight ?! Apparently this is what the friends dad has done tonight. The dad had apologised profusely as DD's friend felt incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed though she now feels she might be overreacting. Not sure how to help DD advise.

OP posts:
Sosoweary · 22/02/2025 22:59

I can't believe anyone would think that an 18 year old young woman " play fighting" with her father is in any way appropriate.
It sounds totally weird behaviour.

alexdgr8 · 22/02/2025 23:02

The only advice is that it's time to knock it on the head.

Balloonhearts · 22/02/2025 23:05

I think its weird that an 18 year old woman play fights with her dad in the first place. I'd expect this sort of thing to stop by about 12 with boys, or for girls when the DD starts puberty. It's totally inappropriate.

healthybychristmas · 22/02/2025 23:05

That sounds incredibly inappropriate in all sorts of ways. Is she still in school?

50Balesofgrey · 22/02/2025 23:07

In my experience (30 years criminal justice professional) playfighting is never not problematic.
It's dominance or it's score settling where someone wants to be violent but is disguising this, or it's manufactured 'accidental' touching in order to get over initial taboos.
Odd to start at 18 though

H112 · 23/02/2025 01:11

She is looking for help please help her report this before she is in danger

2025HereWeGo · 23/02/2025 05:42

50Balesofgrey · 22/02/2025 23:07

In my experience (30 years criminal justice professional) playfighting is never not problematic.
It's dominance or it's score settling where someone wants to be violent but is disguising this, or it's manufactured 'accidental' touching in order to get over initial taboos.
Odd to start at 18 though

Totally agree with this post. ‘Play fighting’ is often used as an excuse for something ouch more sinister.

https://www.cps.gov.uk/north-east/news/father-jailed-murdering-his-daughter-play-fight

JessiesJ99 · 23/02/2025 06:32

My dh playfights with the kids every day - him and ds have 'wrestling matches' every evening after dinner 🙄😂 Sometimes dd joins in 🙄🤣 I must admit, I occasionally do too 🙈🤣

It would seem unusual for an 18 year old girl though 🤔

Original poster
Goldusty · 23/02/2025 07:47

Thank you everyone for your responses. I believe this is not the first time the friend's boundaries have been crossed.Apparenty friend usually initiated play fights but it almost always goes too far with friend telling dad to stop but he doesn't - usually with tickling or pinning down etc. this isn't something we do really in our house.

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 23/02/2025 08:22

50Balesofgrey · 22/02/2025 23:07

In my experience (30 years criminal justice professional) playfighting is never not problematic.
It's dominance or it's score settling where someone wants to be violent but is disguising this, or it's manufactured 'accidental' touching in order to get over initial taboos.
Odd to start at 18 though

Similar working background and was about to say the same thing. The amount of men I've interviewed who have accidentally touched a young girls chest or genitals when play fighting is depressingly common.
Where is the friends mum in all for this?

Sosoweary · 23/02/2025 08:32

JessiesJ99 · 23/02/2025 06:32

My dh playfights with the kids every day - him and ds have 'wrestling matches' every evening after dinner 🙄😂 Sometimes dd joins in 🙄🤣 I must admit, I occasionally do too 🙈🤣

It would seem unusual for an 18 year old girl though 🤔

I would find this quite disturbing behaviour in a family too.

H112 · 23/02/2025 08:52

Sosoweary · 22/02/2025 22:59

I can't believe anyone would think that an 18 year old young woman " play fighting" with her father is in any way appropriate.
It sounds totally weird behaviour.

Yeah play fighting is her dad's excuse to touch her.

As a grown adult please call her over alone to your house somehow and please help this girl.

H112 · 23/02/2025 08:55

Goldusty · 23/02/2025 07:47

Thank you everyone for your responses. I believe this is not the first time the friend's boundaries have been crossed.Apparenty friend usually initiated play fights but it almost always goes too far with friend telling dad to stop but he doesn't - usually with tickling or pinning down etc. this isn't something we do really in our house.

Dad doesn't stop ??!

Yeah this sounds like her casually asking for help from you guys 😟

MinnieCoops · 23/02/2025 09:21

Why is she initiating this?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 23/02/2025 09:24

Play fighting with young kids can genuinely be quite a good thing by all accounts (screenshot overview attached) but by the time opposite sex kids reach puberty I'd say it should well and truly be knocked on the head.

It was enough to make the daughter uncomfortable, so t is clearly inappropriate.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 23/02/2025 09:25

Arse, screenshot attached

Uncomfortable play fight
SallyWD · 23/02/2025 09:31

Playfighting at 18 is odd. My friend has three daughters who are teenagers/in their 20s. Her partner (their stepdad) often seems to playfight or tickle the daughters. I've seen photos of them in bikinis where he's grabbing and tickling them. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I think my friend is a little naive. I don't believe he'd be doing it if they were men. Having said that, the daughters do seem to adore him.

DaringLion · 23/02/2025 10:24

This is weird,

MoiraSuppose · 23/02/2025 10:46

Not sure how to help DD advise.

I would tell my daughter that you think that her friend is asking for help? Are they still in education? If so maybe your dd could suggest going with the friend to talk to someone at school/college.

She could also ask the friend if she(your dd) should ask you what you think.

ThePoshUns · 23/02/2025 11:20

Good advice @MoiraSuppose

JessiesJ99 · 23/02/2025 14:14

Sosoweary · 23/02/2025 08:32

I would find this quite disturbing behaviour in a family too.

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Oh, you should see what else we get up to behind closed doors 🚪🙃

Sosoweary · 23/02/2025 17:28

JessiesJ99 · 23/02/2025 14:14

Oh, you should see what else we get up to behind closed doors 🚪🙃

Show quote history

Well I don't think I want to: the thought of 2 adults and multiple children of both sexes rolling around " play fighting" is too much as it is.

Iloveeverycat · 23/02/2025 17:36

My DH has never had a play fight with daughters or son.

Ihopeithinkiknow · 23/02/2025 17:36

@Sosoweary are you joking lol, when my kids were little it was like WWE in our front room sometimes and there is nothing wrong with playing with your kids on the floor and you all end up laughing and rolling about.
Always one to pipe up and make what is a pretty normal thing to do with your kids sound disturbing

JessiesJ99 · 24/02/2025 08:15

Sosoweary · 23/02/2025 17:28

Well I don't think I want to: the thought of 2 adults and multiple children of both sexes rolling around " play fighting" is too much as it is.

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Ahh bless your heart ❤️ 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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