Should I (22M) let my girlfriend (19F) move in with me?

[greatwonders]

What's going on people. I 22M have been been doing really well financially lately and now im in a position to buy my first house cash in the near future. My girlfriend 19F and I have been together for about ten months. She's excited and obviously wants to move in with me as soon as the house is ready.

I'm making this post to get third party perspectives on whether it's a good idea for her to move in with me right now. There are a few things I'm thinking about.

First, she's currently not working (for the second reason below) and doesn't have any income. She still lives at home with her mom and stepfather. I strongly believe that having some financial independence is important before moving in together. I've seen how tough it can be in relationships where only one person is earning, and I want to avoid that situation. I'd like her to have her own sense of independence before relying on me for everything. We've talked about this, and we're mostly on the same page, but it's still a significant factor.

Second, she has a three month old son. The biological father isn't in the picture. She was pregnant when I first met her, and while I don't judge her past, it means I'd be stepping into a father figure role. I'm not completely opposed to this, and I believe I can be a positive influence on him. I could give him a good upbringing and teach him valuable life lessons. However, I'm also wondering if I'm truly ready to raise someone else's child. For example, I sometimes question why I'm spending money on her son, and I worry about potential future complications.

Third, her relationship with her father is not good. He wasn't emotionally supportive to her, and he was mentally and physically abusive. I'm concerned about how this might affect her expectations and behavior in our relationship. I'm not sure how her past experiences will shape her interactions with men, and I want to be aware of any potential issues.

Fourth, her current home environment is questionable. She told me that her mom told her that her mom only married her stepfather for the money. Mom and stepfather also argue very frequently. This concerns me because it's her only example of a relationship. I worry about what she's learning from her mom and how it might influence her choices with men. I've taken steps to protect my assets, but I'd prefer to avoid a situation where money becomes the main focus of a relationship.

Fifth, I'm only 22, and I've never lived alone. I'd like to experience that atleast for a few years. I don't think I'm ready to settle down and become a family man at 22 people. I want to explore other aspects of life before taking on that responsibility. While I understand being a father can be rewarding, I need to be realistic about my age and where I am in life.

Extra observations/thoughts:

Pictures of me and her are literally the only thing she has posted on her Instagram. She sends me screenshots of her telling her friends about me, what type of career I have, how much money I make, etc. She sent me a screenshot of a conversation where she told her friend that "I said" I'm buying me AND her a house even though I never said that.

Not trying to brag but I think I'm the best guy this girl has ever met and shes really in love with me. I showed up at the hospital after she gave birth to her son, she says I've helped her heal and become a better person. I help her out with things she needs for herself and her son. Even her mother has thanked me for being this kind to her. But I'm really questioning if I'm ready to take her as serious as she wants to take me. I feel like if I woke up next to her every morning I would eventually lose a part of myself that got me where I am now, and I'm not really sure if my father and my grandfather would be proud to know that this is the type of woman that I'm investing in.

I think that's all I have.

Tldr: girlfriend is looking forward to moving in with me when I buy a house but I have some concerns

Don't move an unemployed teenager into your property, no.

It's also not in her infants best interest to be made to live with an unrelated male. You've been dating the teenager for a very short time, nowhere near cohabiting stage.

No don't move in with her for all the reasons you have set out above. You are (both) far too young and I am afraid ahe does see you as a meal ticket! By all means continue the relationship but don't move in together. If she finishes with you because you won't let her move in then you know it's the right decision. Give it another couple of years at least before even contemplating it.

No, don't let her move in. Don't even consider it.

Nope

Live on you’re own

I think if it was the right decision you'd feel positive and excited about it. You obviously don't so I wouldn't.

Fwiw I wouldn't call a mum to a 3 month old unemployed (even if technically true)!

No, agree with PP that you shouldn’t move an unemployed girlfriend in. You’re not matched in terms of work ethic if she’s not got off to the same strong start as you.

However, you are an arse for your judgemental ‘type of woman to invest in’ comment.

I mean really?! Yuck. Incel vibes.
I'm not really sure if my father and my grandfather would be proud to know that this is the type of woman that I'm investing in.

Did they give you/leave you the money?

If you were my son and asked for my honest advice I'd tell you to run a mile. You are so young and you have your whole life in front of you. Why tie yourself to such a young Mum who doesn't work.
She doesn't seem very mature. The instagram stuff and the messages would put me off.

i understand what it is like to grow up in an abusive household. You desperately want out. There are two types of people. Some of us rescue ourselves by getting education and training and getting a good job so we can get the hell out of there. Others look to be rescued and often end up harming themselves and others in the process.

this woman has already had a child at 19. She knowingly brought that child into an abusive household. She isn’t making smart choices. She isn’t acting like a parent.

not only should you decline her request to move in, you should end the relationship.

Absolutely not. You know it's no. You've listed all the reasons.

I think lapping up the hopes and dreams of a vulnerable young woman if you don’t see a long term future with her is despicable.

No. I made all of the money.

You have your whole life ahead of you.

Think about it, yes we have relationships in life, we all have choices.

Think how you want your future to be shaped.
Based on what you have said, it doesn't sound as though you're ready for her to move in. You're only 22, you will always be wondering the what if on the other side had she not have moved in so soon with a baby.

She does currently have somewhere to live, and you buying your first home doesn't mean a partner automatically moves in with you,

You haven't known this girl for long, she is still emotionally not mature.

Separate the relationship.
Write out a timeline or long term and short term goals of what you want from your life.

This could be , money, relationships , travel, spirituality, your own self awareness

This will help you clarify what you want first and if this relationship aligns with your personal goals,

I think you know the answer to this one yourself. No, don't let her move in. If you see this as a long term relationship, support her to move out, become independent, get education/a job, and then in some years' time you can move in together. But now you are too young and both have too much living to do on your own. If she disappears because you don't want her to move in, then you will know what her motivations actually are.

You've only been together 10 months, you hardly know each other really. Give it more time especially as there's a little boy involved in this situation too.

Your partner does sound more invested in you than you are in her. But I'd be a little concerned that she's talking so much about what you do for a living and what you earn. If this is balanced out by positive comments about your personality, then great. If not, you may be dealing with someone who values you most for your income.

The following quote suggests you already realise that moving in together would be a mistake:

"I feel like if I woke up next to her every morning I would eventually lose a part of myself that got me where I am now"

You're 22, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush into something you may later regret.

My son is your age and I’d be very unhappy if he did this - both of you are vulnerable in different ways.

get out there and enjoy your youth

playing mummies and daddies will wear off, trust me - then you end up messing around this girl and more importantly, her son.

Nope, nope, nopity, nope.

If you were my son I'd tell you ti enjoy your new home, enjoy your financial freedom and live without ties whilst you're young. Plenty of time to settle down when you're older and you find a life partner who is on the same page as you.

This woman, as charming as she may be, is not partner material in the equal sense but will become your responsibility. It also wouldn't be fair on the child as its unlikely to work out long term.

Do the right thing and let her know sooner rather than later so she doesn't build up hope.

You've got a sensible head on your shoulders. Listen to your head - no way should she move in, for all the reasons you've listed.

And, I'd set boundaries for how often she can stay over - two nights a week max.

I would advise it's far too fast to move in together if you were both in your 30s. I'd say it was too soon even if you had the same work ethic.

As young as you are, it would be a ridiculous thing to do.
With your different approaches to life, moreso.
The fact she is so very young, moreso.
The fact you clearly aren't sure, moreso.

I would question the fact you say she loves you. You are a convenient crutch for her financially and emotionally

In other words no. Never. Do not do it. I do not see this lasting.

Sorry

You've already made up your mind by the sounds of it and I think you are wise. It's way too soon to move in together, there is a lot more responsibility than a usual relationship if you do move in together and she's not earning. It's been just 10 months, you rush into this and you may find yourself very resentful if things don't go well and potentially having to tell a young mother and child she needs to leave, which is heartbreaking.

You are young, have some fun, try life out and take it slowly with your DP, who knows it could be a beautiful life long relationship, or an unmitigated disaster but either way there is absolutely no need to rush into anything.

No.

Well she's not on maternity leave and isn't a stay at home parent funded by a spouse so not sure what way you'd refer to employment status, but ok.

Her infant is the most vulnerable one in this brand new relationship. OP should reconsider dating this woman. Their lives/stages have nothing in common.

You sound great, what do you do for a living? The bit about the social media posts was enough to make me think you should run for the proverbial hills. What exactly are the benefits for you in this? The girl sounds like a complete rescue job. You need to end it, kindly, take time to enjoy living alone and then when the time is right find someone who is your equal. I think you know this.