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Relationships

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Original poster

Should I (22M) let my girlfriend (19F) move in with me?

48 replies

greatwonders · 22/02/2025 17:02

What's going on people. I 22M have been been doing really well financially lately and now im in a position to buy my first house cash in the near future. My girlfriend 19F and I have been together for about ten months. She's excited and obviously wants to move in with me as soon as the house is ready.

I'm making this post to get third party perspectives on whether it's a good idea for her to move in with me right now. There are a few things I'm thinking about.

First, she's currently not working (for the second reason below) and doesn't have any income. She still lives at home with her mom and stepfather. I strongly believe that having some financial independence is important before moving in together. I've seen how tough it can be in relationships where only one person is earning, and I want to avoid that situation. I'd like her to have her own sense of independence before relying on me for everything. We've talked about this, and we're mostly on the same page, but it's still a significant factor.

Second, she has a three month old son. The biological father isn't in the picture. She was pregnant when I first met her, and while I don't judge her past, it means I'd be stepping into a father figure role. I'm not completely opposed to this, and I believe I can be a positive influence on him. I could give him a good upbringing and teach him valuable life lessons. However, I'm also wondering if I'm truly ready to raise someone else's child. For example, I sometimes question why I'm spending money on her son, and I worry about potential future complications.

Third, her relationship with her father is not good. He wasn't emotionally supportive to her, and he was mentally and physically abusive. I'm concerned about how this might affect her expectations and behavior in our relationship. I'm not sure how her past experiences will shape her interactions with men, and I want to be aware of any potential issues.

Fourth, her current home environment is questionable. She told me that her mom told her that her mom only married her stepfather for the money. Mom and stepfather also argue very frequently. This concerns me because it's her only example of a relationship. I worry about what she's learning from her mom and how it might influence her choices with men. I've taken steps to protect my assets, but I'd prefer to avoid a situation where money becomes the main focus of a relationship.

Fifth, I'm only 22, and I've never lived alone. I'd like to experience that atleast for a few years. I don't think I'm ready to settle down and become a family man at 22 people. I want to explore other aspects of life before taking on that responsibility. While I understand being a father can be rewarding, I need to be realistic about my age and where I am in life.

Extra observations/thoughts:

Pictures of me and her are literally the only thing she has posted on her Instagram. She sends me screenshots of her telling her friends about me, what type of career I have, how much money I make, etc. She sent me a screenshot of a conversation where she told her friend that "I said" I'm buying me AND her a house even though I never said that.

Not trying to brag but I think I'm the best guy this girl has ever met and shes really in love with me. I showed up at the hospital after she gave birth to her son, she says I've helped her heal and become a better person. I help her out with things she needs for herself and her son. Even her mother has thanked me for being this kind to her. But I'm really questioning if I'm ready to take her as serious as she wants to take me. I feel like if I woke up next to her every morning I would eventually lose a part of myself that got me where I am now, and I'm not really sure if my father and my grandfather would be proud to know that this is the type of woman that I'm investing in.

I think that's all I have.

Tldr: girlfriend is looking forward to moving in with me when I buy a house but I have some concerns

OP posts:

MarkingBad · 22/02/2025 17:39

Oh one last thought, don't let her move in by proxy, some partners leave things at your house and before too long you discover there is half a house worth of stuff that isn't yours and they are staying almost every night of the week.

If you move in together eventually it should be planned and agreements made about financial splits childcare etc

TY78910 · 22/02/2025 17:42

Without sounding patronising in the slightest, at 22 this is unlikely to be your last relationship.

I admire you seeing yourself as a father figure, being a support system and so on but fundamentally it doesn't sound like you want to be the provider to a SAHM. The wobbles you're experiencing are because you find 'the grind' and motivation attractive, and whilst being a primary parent is no walk in the park, I think deep down you know you'd be willing to give that to a woman who's accomplished something before being a mum.

Sassybooklover · 22/02/2025 17:44

God, no! Don't move a young woman, who you have only been dating 10 months into your home. You are both extremely young for taking the step of moving in together. Your girlfriend is not financially independent and has a 3 month old son to support. With kindness, you are only dating her, it's not your responsibility to be financially supporting both of them. Live in your home, by yourself. If in a few years time, she is working, independent etc, then you can look again at perhaps moving in together. If she doesn't take kindly to you not asking her to move in, then you will know that she saw you as a meal ticket.

ReadingRubbish · 22/02/2025 17:45

She sends me screenshots of her telling her friends about me, what type of career I have, how much money I make

Top tip for future relationship but you should be careful sharing info about how much you make with some people. It's not always helpful.

suburberphobe · 22/02/2025 17:47

You sound like you have come very far at the bright age of 22 and I salute you for that.

It's important for people to learn to be independent, that includes you and this woman and her baby. Better now than 20 years down the line.

Don't move her and her child in. You are far too young to be in this kind of set-up.

I'm probably of the same, or thereabouts generation of your father and grandfather and I agree with them.

Good luck with whatever you decide on.

suburberphobe · 22/02/2025 17:49

Top tip for future relationship but you should be careful sharing info about how much you make with some people. It's not always helpful.

Totally agree with this.

Also, awful she is spreading this kind of information on social media.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 22/02/2025 17:50

Everything else is irrelevant and being driven by her need to get herself and her child out of a suboptimal situation. Don’t become a de facto breadwinner and father figure just because it’s best for your girlfriend and her child. And placing yourself in that position when you’re not 100% certain could end up being really shitty for her child if the wheels come off.

If you have that good a relationship, give it some time and breathing space. If it’s based on anything good and solid, it’ll survive her staying at home for a year or two.

I feel like if I woke up next to her every morning I would eventually lose a part of myself that got me where I am now, and I'm not really sure if my father and my grandfather would be proud to know that this is the type of woman that I'm investing in.

This misogynistic patriarchal bullshit, though, makes you sound like an utter dick. So maybe take a breath before bestowing your golden cock and bright future on a woman you clearly already see as unworthy, because whichever you way you cut it, that won’t end well.

MaryGreenhill · 22/02/2025 17:50

OP just don't get her pregnant FGS

IveGotALovelyBunchOfCoconutss · 22/02/2025 17:52

She is seeing you as a way out and a meal ticket. I would definitely not let her move in with you. You should be proud of what you've achieved but I think she will take advantage of you and the situation. She will be able to contribute nothing and add a lot to your bills (especially if she is at home all the time and not working then heating, lighting, power, food etc all day rather than just in the evening when you are home). The fact that she is telling people how much you earn and you are getting a house for her etc just shows what her motivation is. Not saying she doesn't want to be with you or love you but it is an easy way out for her and someone else to support her, she's seeing money signs and an easy life

Bananalanacake · 22/02/2025 18:14

No way, she sounds like a complete leach. I assume she isn't working as she's looking after her child. First relationships rarely work out. If you are still happy together in 5 or 6 years you can talk about it then. I would tell her that and see how she reacts. If she's annoyed she is not moving in with you right away you'll know she's using you for free housing and money.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 22/02/2025 18:16

She's actively sharing with you that she tells her friends how much money you make? Eww.

Magpiesalute · 22/02/2025 19:04

Just adding to the chorus of no’s. Sorry, I think it would be a really bad idea.

Eyerollexpert · 22/02/2025 19:54

You sound like a caring person who is doing well, not many men would support a girlfriend who was carrying someone else's child. Your GF has been lucky to have you, however you only get one life and if you carry on being successful what do you see your life looking like in the future?
My son is similar in age to you, still at uni no girlfriend ATM, he wants to save for a deposit on a house after getting a good job, he wants marriage and kids but already knows that he wants it to be with someone who is his equal and they can make a life together. If you stay with your GF you are starting from a disadvantage, when you are 32 her child will be 10, I think you should not only not move her in but find someone with similar goals and aspirations as you. The longer the relationship goes on the harder it will be to get out of. Good luck for your future.

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 22/02/2025 20:28

You mentioned her love for you but not once have you mentioned if you love her.

It’s obviously a really bad idea but the fact that you are considering it shows just how immature you are.

DPotter · 23/02/2025 03:06

I'm usually very disciplined about RTFT before commenting but in this instance, I'm sorry I've just got to jump in - No don't let her move in, don't even consider it.

It would be a fast move if you were both 5 years older and in full time employment. But not working, and with someone else's newborn, No, No and for the avoidance of doubt -NO.

And just in case anyone thinks I'm being bias against a young single mother - I'd be saying the same to her - too soon, too complex on the relationships front, you're jumping from one fire into another.

You will need to handle this very carefully - by being really, really clear to your GF. This is only your house, not hers, she is not moving in and you don't want to be a father at only 22. Make sure your contraception is 100% (and we all know there's only one way for that to happen), and tell her not to post stuff about you on SM - you don't want everyone knowing your business. I really think you need to re-consider your continuing relationship - at 22 you should be footloose and fancy free - live a little!

I'm sorry you and she find yourselves in this position - she sees you as her knight in shining armour, and that's a dangerous role to take on.

Sodthesystem · 23/02/2025 03:56

I was with you until you gave it 'the type of women I am investing in'. Ooft. Judge much.

It doesn't sound like you're ready for the commitment and thats understandable.

To be fair though, how do you expect her to work with a 3 month old? Unless she drops the kid with her family when she's at work. Are they prepared to look after the child during those times?

I'd keep it to dating and living seperate tbh. But decide in the next year if she's a long term fixture or not. You dont want the kid growing up calling you dad only to find you want to leave.

Channellingsophistication · 23/02/2025 05:44

Moving her in would be a mistake. Sounds like she sees you as a meal ticket as shouldnt she be sharing your qualities on social media rather than how much money you make…but that could just be her immaturity.

Keep your home to yourself and see how things go. She can’t work with a three month old, but hopefully she will get a job in time.

Valeriekat · 23/02/2025 05:55

RUN!!!! She sees you as her meal ticket.

Valeriekat · 23/02/2025 05:58

Itisbetter · 22/02/2025 17:19

I think lapping up the hopes and dreams of a vulnerable young woman if you don’t see a long term future with her is despicable.

Don't be ridiculous. She is just her girlfriend and he has been very kind to her.

dontbeabsurd · 23/02/2025 06:21

Don’t move her in. You don’t truly love her - you are way too judgemental about her. She has a child who will need a father figure - you are definitely not ready for it. Focus on earning money and dating girls from backgrounds that match your expectations.

End this relationship - spare her the hopes for a happy future together as there will be none.
You don’t respect her.

luckylavender · 23/02/2025 06:48

Definitely not

H112 · 23/02/2025 09:08

No. She's a teen mom too. It's too early for this and you should dump her a 3 month old and her will drag you down

Talonz · 23/02/2025 09:14

SoScarletItWas · 22/02/2025 17:15

No, agree with PP that you shouldn’t move an unemployed girlfriend in. You’re not matched in terms of work ethic if she’s not got off to the same strong start as you.

However, you are an arse for your judgemental ‘type of woman to invest in’ comment.

I mean really?! Yuck. Incel vibes.
I'm not really sure if my father and my grandfather would be proud to know that this is the type of woman that I'm investing in.

Did they give you/leave you the money?

Edited

Yes I agree with this also.

Weird comment to say invested. Is she “eye candy” or something?

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