Does this sound like supervised contact to you?

[mellowyell]

I recently met someone who initially said they see their child on weekends, but over time, I’ve noticed that their main form of contact is a one-hour phone call, during which the dads sibling is also present on the call. At first, I thought this was just a sweet family dynamic, but it became clear that this is their primary form of contact. In the three months I’ve known them, there has been no in-person visitation - just one visit to a school event. Aside from that, all interactions appear to be this weekly supervised phone call.

They haven’t shared why this is the case, and I didn’t press for details, but it made me wonder - does this sound like a supervised contact arrangement? What kinds of circumstances typically lead to these restrictions?

Well it shows he isn't a great df... Possibly not a great man.

Would you consider applying for a Clare's Law check?

You haven't introduced them to your children yet have you? This whole thing is ringing alarm bells

It's really strange that in three months he hasn't told you about the contact with his children. He's clearly hiding something.

I'd run for the hills. Supervised contact is usually because there's a safety concern.
Allegations or evidence of domestic abuse, violence, substance misuse and neglect.

For a dad to not see their child in person for 3months (yet have other forms of contact in a school getting or via phone) does indeed raise alarm bells. I think you well within your rights to be suspicious. You said youve been together three months so I'd say long enough to ask him directly about the history with their ex and child and probe for detail if it's vague or doesn't add up.

Let's be honest your relationship will end once you find out (please don't be with an shit show of a man) so best find out and end it asap.

You've been dating him 3 months and have known the whole time pretty much that he has supervised contact. Why are you concerned now? Something else happened?

There’s no “ good “ reason for a parent to have only phone contact which has to be supervised. It means they are considered to be a risk to their child. The bar for this is quite high.

If it were me, I’d be running for the hills >>>>>>>>>>>>

If I could see perfectly well that the person I was dating only had supervised phone contact with their child or occasionally saw them in a crowded public place, I don't think I'd feel the need to discuss this further with them before ending it.

Definitely sounds like some sort of supervised contact - if it wasn't and it was due to distance for example, you'd expect the other person to set the child up on the phone and leave them to it. Even then it wouldn't be great if a dad lived so far from his children that he didn't see them for three months

I'd go with the other posters, Clare's Law request.

I would make a request under Clare's Law and listen very carefully to what they have to say. Although he's probably already prepped you by saying what a bitter his ex is?

How old is the child? In my experience supervised contact can be voluntary or involuntary. It can be due to past domestic violence, abuse, addiction issues or a past serious mental health crisis. However I have also known this kind of contact to happen due to the child not having had a relationship with the parent in the past, for example, the relationship ended during pregnancy and the parent and child were only reunited years later. That example would not explain why it is dad's sibling supervising and not an uncle from the child's other side.

Have you asked your boyfriend directly why he only sees his child in this way?

*Edited to correct typo

No I haven't and at this stage I don't intend to

Why would you bother with a Clare's Law request? He's misrepresented his relationship with his child, and if his story is that he has supervised contact because his ex lied about him to social services, he'd have told the OP all about it by now.

She already has all the information she needs to make a decision.

I don't think I will ask him as I don't think he'll be honest. He's already lied when we met when he said he saw his child on weekends and that obviously does not happen. Though I am interested in what behaviours would lead to such restrictive contact. No in person visits at all but just a supervised phone call? It's alarming

I have not known the whole time. I have observed over time and noticed a pattern which has led me to this conclusion

From what I know he lives less than 30minutes away from his child. And doesn't sound like it's always been supervised. Possibly a recent development. I think I know everything I need to know this is not for me, but would Claire's law cover potential reasons why?

Even just the fact that he had not seen his child in person once in three months would be enough for me to know he wasn't someone I wanted to date.

, but would Claire's law cover potential reasons why?

I think it could if it's to do with violence.

I'm not sure it's worth doing a Claire's Law - if it comes back clear, will you think, "ah he's a great dad after all, just the sort of man I need in my life"?

You think he'd lie if you asked, so you don't trust him already.

You don't need proof. Seems like a waste of police time, tbh.

How old is the child? It sounds as if there are significant safeguarding concerns which require the child to be so protected.

It’s almost impossible to stop a dad seeing their child if they have parental rights unless there are serious safeguarding concerns. I would def do a Claire’s Law and I would be willing to bet there will be domestic abuse on there. Family court is not the same as criminal court so it won’t tell you anything about the child contact arrangements bit it will tell you if he’s been n trouble for domestic abuse and therefore a potential danger to you.

If he isn’t being honest at only three months into the relationship, and something is telling you something is way off with this guy - is it really worth pursuing?

Clare's Law will only cover domestic abuse, though given that includes abuse (not just violence) it can often tell you quite a lot. And while you might have enough to already know you want to end it, it might be good to be forewarned if there are any known risks to take into account when you do, or help you be sure of your decision if you waver.

Sometimes the police say that if you're breaking up or plan to end the relationship that they can't make a disclosure but I believe that approach was criticised in court and shouldn't still be happening.

Op have you googled him? Type his full name and area he lives in? A guy I dated had domestic abuse convictions and I would necer of known if I hadn’t of thought to google him.

Yikes. Supervised contact usually means in-person visits albeit with someone else present. If they are limited to having supervised phone calls then that's a really, really bad sign. Tread very carefully.