Partner mocking me

[Judepol]

My partner keeps mocking me. He will ask about something and I will says “it’s alright” if I think something is good and he laughs. I say well what do you want me to say and he says I always say that. I don’t take the mick out of him. I think I will explode if he laughs at me again. I find it disrespectful.

I am a good partner and he should be lucky to have someone so kind.

How long have you been together?.

I would now seriously consider making him your ex because his behaviour is unacceptable.

Does he do it with anything else? Or is just that?

It is just that but it really gets to me. In the beginning he went to do some banter that crossed the line and I called him out on it and he never did it again. The banter was a habit he got into about his ex who would call him derogatory names so he got into a habit of calling a name back. I can tell he gets hung up on her and I don’t know why as she was awful from what he tells me.

The mocking is getting to me.

Just to confirm that you have sat him down and seriously, assertively said to him ' hey, I don't like the way you continually do xyz. I don't like it and I am asking you to stop doing it. If you asked me to stop doing something hurtful, I would stop. So why won't you stop this'.

If he doesn't stop this then I will guess there are many other problems in the relationship with him.

I know people like this. Family members who do this. One has been permanently removed from my life because this behaviour was one part of a collective pattern. It took me years to see it but counselling helped.

I have a strong sense this guy has a personality type that means it is in his whole being to do this and act this way. Any attempt to appeal will possibly result in ' you're too sensitive ' or ' I'm only joking ' or ' can't you take a joke'.

These people are not good for us.

Say everything’s shit without giving a reason. He’ll soon tire of his childish behaviour.

I did speak to him about it before and he promised not to do it but continues to do so. It’s no good for my self esteem.

Thanks for that. I am glad you are quick witted!

Wow, mocking someone is acceptable then 😡 I will have to mock him back then. No wonder people stay in toxic relationships.

Not ok. I imagine sayings such as ' you're too sensitive ' and ' it's just a joke' are a regular part of your vernacular.

He sounds horrible OP. Because I can tell there's more than this to the problems with him. If he won't stop when his wife who has self esteem on the floor asks him to? Come on. I couldn't stick with this.

You either play games back, you learn to ' handle him' through appropriate techniques ( see Dr Ramani online) or you prepare to lose the bastard.

Why are you letting his annoying and aggravating behaviour affect your self esteem? He's being a goady prick, and enjoys winding you up by laughing at you, so tell yourself you aren't going to react to it.

Better still, you might want to consider whether you want to remain in a relationship with such a prick.

Goodness this is extreme really given what she’s said this one issue is.

There will most definitely be more to this guy than this post conveys and OP is just starting to unravel it.

Maybe his ex called him names because he was always mocking her 🤷‍♀️

You don’t have to put up with this - it’s okay to be single.

You know this man isn't right for you.

You can leave him now, or put up with this $#@& for another 2, 5, 10, whatever years.

Or end it now and get your life back.

Your choice.

NB: you might find The Six Pillars of Self Esteem a useful read.

So your issue is, he laughs if you say "it's alright" when he asks you about something.

I don't mean to get at you, OP, but your level of outrage at this seems really extreme, and I could not cope with a partner who wasn't able to laugh at themselves for things like this.

In every relationship I have been in, and not just romantic ones, friends/family too, this sort of teasing about things people always say would have been totally acceptable.

I mean, you are entitled not to like it. And you are entitled to finish with him if you want to. But I would also be aware that many people value a capacity for self irony and gentle self mockery in a partner. Or I think so anyway - willing to be told I am wrong......

@Ilovelurchers if someone you love and cared for asked you to stop ( even if you're a hoot a minute)..... would you respect them and care enough, to stop?

So by ‘mocking’ you mean he’s laughed about your only response to being asked for an opinion on something is, invariably, ‘It’s all right’? Is that really all it is?

That doesn’t sound like mockery. It sounds normal. Literally just a light-hearted observation of a quirk.

However, if you’re unhappy with it then end the relationship. You’re not obliged to stay with him if this makes you unhappy or you feel he isn’t right for you.

My ex (who couldn't say "specifically") used to mock my accent used to mock how I said certain words and laugh like it was hilarious

I was just talking

When you say "It's alright" about something, perhaps he would like you to reply differently - eg. "It's thrilling/dull/entertaining/dramatic/perplexing/tasteful, etc.

@ItGhoul I think this discussion is so important so I'm just asking the same question I put to another poster.

If you love and care for someone and they ask you to stop doing something that they are telling you hurts them. Would you stop?

OP is sense checking here because I will hazard a guess that she is having strong feelings about this guy and her general treatment and is currently trying to manage sense of it. She is not over reacting to whatever feelings are bringing her here.

Is this the only issue?

My DP says ‘whatever’ a lot, and it does grate on me as I used to find it quite dismissive. Now I just accept it as a phrase he falls back on, and have a little chuckle and repeat ‘whatever!’ Back at him.

Can I ask if you’d think it was fine for him to ask the op to stop answering with ‘It’s alright’ and to give a more comprehensive response?

Not wanting to be mocked is not controlling.

Yes I absolutely would! If he has the capacity to explain it and why and what he needs in that conversation, then of course.