Feel so hard done by

[HJ87]

I met a guy and he chased me for a few months than I decided to give it a go gave up my job and moved abroad for him

I’ve been home sick
It’s been hard

He was fun at the beginning always going out drinking

Than he stopped it all
He’s an entrepreneur owns lots of restaurants and clubs and he’s going through stress

Never got time for me
I don’t work I just sit in from 7am till 7pm alone all day
Cleaning r house washing all the plates up after him n his 20 year old
Doing all the clothes
Ironing
Making the beds
Than by the time he comes home he takes a sleeping pill n goes to bed by 9

He never wants to go out
Don’t let me go out I ain’t allowed to go clubbing or anything
Don’t want me to drink or do them things anymore
I’ve had a few nights around my a friend and had a few blow outs
N he’s gone mental over it cos I came in at 6am a few months ago

I wasn’t out clubbing or anything

And I didn’t do it for awhile
But I was so fed up
N felt like so what if I’m just sat up there
Your only asleep anyway
Can’t I have me time
N Sunday I said I’m gonna start going out n doing me cos I’m fed up of always sitting in

And he agreed

I went up my friends Monday and my friends over here from England n she is staying at there place
So it was great to see them
I lost count of the time and it was 2am and I was scared to go home
And it got later and later n I said I’m just gonna pretend I slept and deal with the grilling in the morning

Well that didn’t happen
By 5am he was calling me n said it’s over

Everyone said this is the best thing what could happen to me
Get my freedom back n come home

But sadly I got attached to him
I’m trying to make it up with him but he’s so bitter
Said no
Won’t hear me out
I went back yesterday cos all my stuff is there
And I stayed for the night
He’s letting me stay till I go home
He had sex with me
N keeps cuddling me than turns nasty like he can’t accept me
He was horrid yesterday saying I smell
And I’m an asshole n cunt
Than cuddling me

I said can we fix this
He said no
Maybe but not now

He’s already asking me to wash his clothes
I feel like im sitting here being punished when u may or may not give me another chance

Yes I fucked up but so he on diff things in the past
But to not hear me out n say shut up or go in the other room last night
When I tried to say he’s being to hard on me
Accept my apology and move forward
Not have me around n treat me now like rubbish

No that’s wrong he’s a bully

today I acted uninterested and he kept cuddling me and acting like we’re together again
i felt happier like maybe we’re making progress
but than he’s gotta say stuff again like we’re just friends and stuff than asks if I still love him

im finding his behaviour childish now

He did things in the past I didn’t like
He didn’t tell me his PA who he works with everyday who he employs is his ex gf who he lived with for 2 years
And kept it from me
We argued about her before cos he was flirting and giggling with her
N he said no I wouldn’t ever go with her

Oh forgot to tell me u already have it’s your ex

I worked it out a few weeks ago n confronted him n he admitted it
N said I didn’t tell u cos I didn’t wanna loose u

Yes cos who would like their ex working along your bf

I felt so sad I was gonna leave him but decided to accept it n stay with him
Tho I felt sad cos she still works there n he didn’t fire her
But I gotta lump it
But I still stuck by him cos I love him

N than to just dump me today over staying at my friends for the night

I feel so sad like I wouldn’t of did that if it was him

But he’s stubborn n won’t give me another chance
After everything I put up with

i dont know what to do
do I just move on or do I stay here and see if he does change his mind or am I wasting my time
i I can’t tell what he wants it’s like he playing games with me for now

You're wasting your time. Leave him and get your life back.

You took a huge risk with a man you barely knew and who possibly love bombed you and that risk has backfired.

He's an abusive controlling wanker who wants nothing more than an unpaid skivvy.

Thank your lucky stars he’s ended it and make it a permanent split. What do you get out of this arrangement? And it is an arrangement not a partnership.

You say you fucked up but you did nothing wrong. You went out - so what?

Why would you want to go back to a man who abuses and controls you? In your shoes I’d book an earlier flight and go home asap

You would probably be better off getting a job yourself, because he’s completely wrapped up in his or (and this seems like a better option) going back home.

It appears he’s happy to have you on his arm if he does go out occasionally, but the rest of the time you’re surplus to his requirements.

Hope whatever you do works out.

Move back to your own country. Get a job. Get a life. Dont get another man until you've done The Freedom Programme.

I do agree I was happy before I had a good job a nice income and was very social
I was married before and I guess I started living a single life which I never had before

when I met this man my mom came with me and he really swept us of our feet
my mom said you won’t find better than him he really has your best interest at heart
and I decided to give it a go

it was all fun at the beginning
maybe I was love bombed
he would take me out for meals and concerts and to clubs we had a really fun life

then it all changed
i get you can’t live like that forever
but I guess because I sit in all day doing nothing it’s hard to sit in again on the weekend
like at least take me for a coffee or anything so o escape the same 4 walls

he admitted he has been taking me for granted and should make more effort

i turn down girlie nights out cos he don’t like it
but to be dumped over being at a friends having a few drinks chatting away
i I don’t get it
he knew where I was
hes only asleep anyway
i I don’t understand why he’s taken it so wrongly
yes maybe I should of gone home earlier
but he already texted me at 10pm saying he just woke up and I ain’t back
and when I said do you want me to come home he said no need stay there and even said sleep there too
how am I suppose to know he’s being sarcastic
textes can be misread and I feel sorry but I am a person to can I not do something I want

i understand what your saying
im debating to pack my things tomorrow and stay at my friends till I leave
but I know there be no second chance than
or sit here bored being treated worse of than I was before

I am crap at breakups
im abit sensitive and get hurt very easily
im a people pleaser type sadly

Move back.

Get a job.

Don't listen to your mom if she told you expatriating for a guy you knew a few months was a great idea.

You really rushed this. Maybe take your time.

"gave up my job and moved abroad for him"

That is complete madness. You've made a huge mistake. Go home and try to get your job back.

Pack your things. He doesn’t deserve a second chance.

You threw your life away for the fantasy version of this man. This is who he is. Don’t waste any more of your life on him.

Oh I agree
i definitely rushed it I guess I am abit spontaneous but yes was a silly thing to do
I lived in this country before years ago and do have friends so didn’t feel to unsafe but I am homesick and I miss England and my surroundings

Choose your happiness. You have one life, so go home and pick up the pieces. Good luck op.

I guess I sadly want the man I met back but he ain’t that person anymore
mahbe he wasn’t that person and it was all an act or maybe it is due to stress and he said he’s got depression atm and I know his work is hetic atm so I do understand that side

im abit more social and like to go out and keep busy
so sitting in all day has been awful for me and sadly I’ve not been able to get a job here as I don’t have a work permit I am still waiting for my visa and residency card
so I’ve been trapped inside what doesn’t help
but than him never having time for me and when he does he wants to sit in bed all weekend watching tv it’s really took it’s hold on me

maybe I’m holding on to hope
but I don’t know if there is another chance either way

I know your all right deep down I guess I need to grow a backbone

Jesus just go home it sounds like he just treats you like a housekeeper and uses you for sex. Maybe he has different before but this is him now. Just go home, honestly.

He's using you as a domestic and for free sex.

GET A LIFE! FIND SOME SELF RESPECT!

Gosh who is he Wayne Liniker?

Please grow up and see sense

This sounds horrible. Go home.

OP, this is ridiculous. You threw your life away for a man you barely knew! Go home, get a life again, and don’t date until you’ve had some therapy.

Move back.

He moved you over for free housekeeping and sex when he wants it.

Oh OP come on find some self respect. This man has more red flags than a Moscow May Day parade.

He’s a manipulative controlling abusive cunt using you as a skivvy and a convenient shag.

This won’t get better. He’s already gaslighted you to doubt yourself and blame yourself when you’ve done nothing wrong.

Stop wasting your life being treated like shit. Go home and get some therapy to understand why you accept this abuse.

Please never take your mother’s advice about men again. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I get your point
i always see the best in people and sadly I do let things slide aside
i put others before myself but than I got to suffer and feel I don’t get the same in return

maybe I do need therapy
i suffer with borderline personality disorder
i just feel a mug i was happy I’ve been single for a few years now and only had a few dates here and there nothing i let my gaurd down for
but yes this guy I did give up a lot to now got to walk away with nothing but a broken heart and rebuild my life again

debating to go back on my antidepressants tho im just so gutted ive been so strong for years and to let myself get hurt again

sadly men dont come with warning signs
they pretend there perfect and I’m soft and get walked all over

She’s shocked by this herself and said he’s childish for a man of mid 40s and said to come home and feels sad he turnt out to be like this

You quit your job moved abroad to be some guy and his adult child's fuck maid and you're surprised it didn't work out like a fairytale?

Rudely and full offense, you're a fucking idiot and need to get some self respect, common sense and serious therapy before you so much as look at another man again, because this is utterly ridiculous, embarrassing and pathetic.

OK, but it sounds as if you’re priding yourself on ‘seeing the best in people’ and ‘being soft’. These are not good things when they’re combined with poor judgement, and putting people before yourself is almost never combined with good judgement and boubdaries. Why on earth would you delude yourself into thinking you love this guy, who doesn’t sound as if he has a single redeeming feature?

And stop listening to your mother!

Men do come with huge warning signs but too many women choose to ignore them.

As they say you can’t see red flags when you’re wearing rose coloured specs.

You gave up your life for an illusion, a facade, a man who doesn’t really exist.

There comes a point when you have to accept reality and cut your losses.

Always seeing the best in people isn’t the good trait you think. It makes you vulnerable to abuse and giving chances to men who don’t deserve it.