Feel so hard done by

[HJ87]

I met a guy and he chased me for a few months than I decided to give it a go gave up my job and moved abroad for him

I’ve been home sick
It’s been hard

He was fun at the beginning always going out drinking

Than he stopped it all
He’s an entrepreneur owns lots of restaurants and clubs and he’s going through stress

Never got time for me
I don’t work I just sit in from 7am till 7pm alone all day
Cleaning r house washing all the plates up after him n his 20 year old
Doing all the clothes
Ironing
Making the beds
Than by the time he comes home he takes a sleeping pill n goes to bed by 9

He never wants to go out
Don’t let me go out I ain’t allowed to go clubbing or anything
Don’t want me to drink or do them things anymore
I’ve had a few nights around my a friend and had a few blow outs
N he’s gone mental over it cos I came in at 6am a few months ago

I wasn’t out clubbing or anything

And I didn’t do it for awhile
But I was so fed up
N felt like so what if I’m just sat up there
Your only asleep anyway
Can’t I have me time
N Sunday I said I’m gonna start going out n doing me cos I’m fed up of always sitting in

And he agreed

I went up my friends Monday and my friends over here from England n she is staying at there place
So it was great to see them
I lost count of the time and it was 2am and I was scared to go home
And it got later and later n I said I’m just gonna pretend I slept and deal with the grilling in the morning

Well that didn’t happen
By 5am he was calling me n said it’s over

Everyone said this is the best thing what could happen to me
Get my freedom back n come home

But sadly I got attached to him
I’m trying to make it up with him but he’s so bitter
Said no
Won’t hear me out
I went back yesterday cos all my stuff is there
And I stayed for the night
He’s letting me stay till I go home
He had sex with me
N keeps cuddling me than turns nasty like he can’t accept me
He was horrid yesterday saying I smell
And I’m an asshole n cunt
Than cuddling me

I said can we fix this
He said no
Maybe but not now

He’s already asking me to wash his clothes
I feel like im sitting here being punished when u may or may not give me another chance

Yes I fucked up but so he on diff things in the past
But to not hear me out n say shut up or go in the other room last night
When I tried to say he’s being to hard on me
Accept my apology and move forward
Not have me around n treat me now like rubbish

No that’s wrong he’s a bully

today I acted uninterested and he kept cuddling me and acting like we’re together again
i felt happier like maybe we’re making progress
but than he’s gotta say stuff again like we’re just friends and stuff than asks if I still love him

im finding his behaviour childish now

He did things in the past I didn’t like
He didn’t tell me his PA who he works with everyday who he employs is his ex gf who he lived with for 2 years
And kept it from me
We argued about her before cos he was flirting and giggling with her
N he said no I wouldn’t ever go with her

Oh forgot to tell me u already have it’s your ex

I worked it out a few weeks ago n confronted him n he admitted it
N said I didn’t tell u cos I didn’t wanna loose u

Yes cos who would like their ex working along your bf

I felt so sad I was gonna leave him but decided to accept it n stay with him
Tho I felt sad cos she still works there n he didn’t fire her
But I gotta lump it
But I still stuck by him cos I love him

N than to just dump me today over staying at my friends for the night

I feel so sad like I wouldn’t of did that if it was him

But he’s stubborn n won’t give me another chance
After everything I put up with

i dont know what to do
do I just move on or do I stay here and see if he does change his mind or am I wasting my time
i I can’t tell what he wants it’s like he playing games with me for now

Wow have an opinion but that was abit uncalled for
i couldnt speak to someone like that when their clearly asking for supportive advice

anyways

Yes I think I realised that
i just need to remember to not be so soft in the future
but it’s hard when your just a kind hearted person it’s not in my nature

but for now the last thing i want is to meet anyone not after this
i I just wish I could be last summer before this all happened

just need to accept it and be brave and leave

Go home.
Go home.
Go home.
Go home.

There's nothing more to say really.
There's nothing to discuss.

OP, I’m going to say this very clearly. There’s nothing ‘kind-hearted’ or ‘soft’ in leaving your job and life to move to another country with a man you barely know, and then being surprised when he turns out to treat you like a household skivvy who also offers sex— it’s just stupid, self-sabotaging behaviour. In the nicest possible way, I would give up this self-deluded vision of yourself as ‘kindhearted’ and seeing the best in people’ and call it ‘poor judgement’, ‘recklessness’ and ‘poor self-esteem’. Get yourself home, build up your life again and find a good therapist.

You come across as very naïve, when something is too good to be true it usually is.You need to get yourself out of this situation ,go home, and move on, this relationship is going nowhere.

definitely move back home. And never again give up everything for a man, no matter how many restaurants or whatever else he owns.

If it looks too good to be true it invariably is.

This is who I was imagining too

When can you get a flight?
Book the next seat out of there
Text him when you land home side

Is this honestly a grown adult writing this !?

Just to update
i left him
he was awful today
his words were vile
said I don’t want to fix things now
be quiet
and maybe I will in the future
what I sit round dancing to your tune waiting
he was so vile I said remember your ex didn’t want you and you begged her bought her a car and took antidepressants because of it
well imagine how I feel
he said I know your devastated and she didn’t want me she was fed up and I’m now fed up of you so accept it and be quiet till I maybe change

no fuck off talk to me like that
packed bags
taxi
at my friends
next stop
england

be tried calling and said please call me
no way
had your chance
spiteful bastard

Well done. Good riddance to him.

Saw the update. Good for you.

Now block him and never contact him again.

Good luck with reinstating your old life. It’s not been so long so it can be done. It should soon feel as if this absurd situation never happened.

Out of interest, what country were you in?

So you met him when you were on holiday with your mum in, I’m guessing, Turkey maybe. Presumably you and your mum weren’t staying out till 6am so he assumed that wasn’t something you did. If it was somewhere like Turkey where men and women often have more traditional roles he may also have assumed that as you were with your mum you were a more traditional woman who would be happy with domestic life and little socialising. You assumed life with him would be a lot more fun than it’s been. I don’t suppose anyone has ever done something impulsive without making some assumptions that it would go well.

It’s a shame things haven’t worked out for you both. Chalk it up to experience and go home. I just hope your career won’t have taken a hit from this and you can pick up where you left off.

What a vile specimen. Well done for ending things.
It will sure take time to process all this, would you consider therapy? Why did you think it was a good idea to abandon your life, job, independence and place your life in hands of another person just like that? What are your beliefs about yourself, do you have low self esteem? What are lessons you was thought about yourself/your place/expectations from a relationship by your own family? I feel there might be some theme running there as i can’t believe your mom supported your decisions and actually thought it was a good idea to leave all for someone you don’t really know. That’s maddness.

I wish you well, always aim for independence and don’t give it up for another person no matter how good they look on paper, especially in the beginning.

Really pleased on your update.
He is controlling & a bully.