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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Neighbour texting my husband

32 replies

Minlee · 19/02/2025 21:39

My neighbour added my husband on Snapchat. They started snapping and my husband was secretive about it then I found out and said I wasn’t uncomfortable with it. He deleted her from snap she then messaged him on Facebook asking why did he delete her from Snapchat. What is people’s thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Lifeisverydiffocult · 19/02/2025 21:43

Why on earth is your DH using Snapchat ?
Why on earth would he be messaging your neighbour at all?

VWT5 · 19/02/2025 21:48

I would reply yourself using husbands phone and say “DH is not here just now, is it something I can help you with?”

anonny55 · 19/02/2025 22:21

The fact your DH was being secretive about it would be the problem to me

Nanny1983 · 19/02/2025 22:22

Do people over the age of 21 use Snapchat 😂

Mrsknowitall · 19/02/2025 22:27

Has she not added you? I’d be fuming and have to confront her and as for him being sneaky about it says a lot

MummyDummyNow · 19/02/2025 22:37

I thought only young teenagers used Snapchat. Why on earth is your husband on it?

The problem is with him being secretive tbh.

Original poster
Minlee · 19/02/2025 22:54

I just feel she has went after him and he allowed it. Why did she go to Facebook messenger then when she seen she was deleted from Snapchat. She didn’t want it to end. She lives 30 secs from us and I can not look at her.

OP posts:
Devianinc · 19/02/2025 23:03

VWT5 · 19/02/2025 21:48

I would reply yourself using husbands phone and say “DH is not here just now, is it something I can help you with?”

Love it

Devianinc · 19/02/2025 23:05

Why are some woman so blatantly after married men. It’s like they’re going to win a game of, I stole your husband. It’s bizarre.

Moveoverdarlin · 19/02/2025 23:07

Depends what they’re messaging about surely. If it’s ‘Hey Dave, is it green or black bin this week?’ Then it’s fairly innocent. General chitchatting, banter, jokey tone is not ok.

MsDogLady · 19/02/2025 23:48

@Minlee, his attempting to hide this from you speaks volumes. He clearly enjoyed and felt flattered by her attention, so he reciprocated. She was determined to keep the connection going, so reached out on FB Messenger.

How long has their secret chatting been going on?
Were you able to read the content of the messages?
Have they been meeting up?

Angelcakelover · 20/02/2025 08:14

Yeah I wouldn't be happy with this at all. The issue with snapchat is a lot of it is deleted so there's no evidence left. But if he was quick to delete her off it and shows no interest in messaging her again then it's probably not worth blowing up your whole marriage. Not yet anyway.. keep an eye out!

Girlmom35 · 20/02/2025 08:36

Okay, so the neighbour is a home wrecker who likes to blatantly go after married men. She's a bitch.
Then again, you're not living with her, are you? How are you not angry at your husband for not shutting it down immediately?

perfectcolourfound · 20/02/2025 08:40

It's odd that your neighbour did what she did. However that needn't have come to anything. The worrying this in this is that your husband accepted, and continued secretively talking to her. He is the one most in the wrong. He's the one keeping things from you. He's the one you can't trust.

If he was trustworthy and decent, he'd have told you 'Mary's tried to add me on snapchat! That's odd' and that would have been the end of it.

Gottheick25 · 20/02/2025 08:51

Your issue shouldn't be with the neighbor. Your husband has allowed it and been messaging her on Snapchat. No evidence of what has been said to eachother so you can't possibly know their conversations but the fact it's on Snapchat says it all really. Yeah the neighbor knows he is married but it takes two as the saying goes. If you don't trust him enough to believe nothing sinister is happening even though he immediately deleted her the issue is in your relationship. That being said you dont know the context of convo so bit harsh to start hating and presuming when it COULD be innocent. You've no proof of anything so this all sounds a bit OTT to me and a tad insecure. Just cos she is a female, if your neighbour was a man I'm sure you wouldn't have this reaction.

Spooky2000 · 20/02/2025 09:09

Devianinc · 19/02/2025 23:05

Why are some woman so blatantly after married men. It’s like they’re going to win a game of, I stole your husband. It’s bizarre.

And something I discussed indirectly on here before.

OP, I would challenge her directly with DH in tow if possible. He needs speaking with and if he refuses to support you with challenging her, then you have your answer sadly. It's probable that he enjoyed the attention (seems most men are susceptible to any kind of attention, children that they are 🙄) and hopefully he just let it get out of hand. If he explains this with you present, it will drive the message home.

Original poster
Minlee · 20/02/2025 11:23

I did see a few messages. And to be honest it was her snapping him first how sick she is today with the flu. Then he would write back oh hope you feel better. He didn’t hide them all just a few he did tell me she added him. I just didn’t realise the frequent of the snaps.
what annoys me how she completely disregarded me and my kids to try and start messaging him on Facebook. This messaging only went on for 3 weeks. I downloaded Snapchat data on his phone which he got me to do to prove it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minlee · 20/02/2025 11:24

For context her husband left her for another women. Then her brother died last year. She suffered from depression. We always felt sorry for her.

OP posts:
Tartanboots · 20/02/2025 12:49

I know it's your husband's fault really for responding, but I would be going round to her house to tell her that what she's doing is unacceptable and tell her to back off. Her being persistent when he'd deleted her off Snapchat is a bit psycho. I would expect my partner to do this for me if I'd been foolish enough to respond to messages from a needy neighbour and they had not backed off when blocked. Has he blocked her on messenger?
Ideally he should tell her himself, but she'll probably give him a sob story and rope him in again. Men love a damsel in distress. I wouldn't want him to have any contact with her at all.

TheseBootsAreWalking · 20/02/2025 13:13

Erm, no matter what she has been through, this is odd behavior and just shows how unhinged some folks are.

Never in my wildest dreams would I be messaging random neighbours, even if I saw them as suggested.

What I would be asking is why your DH feels he is obliged to participate, or even continue this for those 3 weeks he has been. You are right in questioning HIM on this. And ask him how he would feel if you were just randomly, for a month, were messaging a male neighbour...

She sounds unhinged knowing he has stopped messaging her on snap then finding him on messenger to continue, and then ASK him WHY he has stopped communicating. This is so stalkerinsh.. but clearly your DH has loved the attention, why else would he be continuing chatting to her? so odd.

2024YR4 · 20/02/2025 13:21

Devianinc · 19/02/2025 23:05

Why are some woman so blatantly after married men. It’s like they’re going to win a game of, I stole your husband. It’s bizarre.

unfortunately its a thing. ‘Homewrecker kink’ according to my friend 🤮 . The thing is its 50/50 when it comes to it as I know any man could pursue me and I wouldn’t cheat so if a woman goes all out for a married man he doesn’t have to engage with her unless he wants to.

HelpMeGetThrough · 20/02/2025 13:21

What is people’s thoughts on this?

I'd pop around and just say "message again and I'll burn your house down".

Extreme I'll grant you, but a solution.

Hoppinggreen · 20/02/2025 13:22

Minlee · 19/02/2025 22:54

I just feel she has went after him and he allowed it. Why did she go to Facebook messenger then when she seen she was deleted from Snapchat. She didn’t want it to end. She lives 30 secs from us and I can not look at her.

Can you look at him?
He is the one being sneaky with another woman

Original poster
Minlee · 20/02/2025 15:53

He stopped chatting to her on snap delete and blocked her. It was then 2 days later she messaged him on Facebook which she added him on same time she added him on snap. She said did I do something on you I see I’m unfriended on Snapchat.
I no he’s to blame for taking her on but has some women lost self respect.

OP posts:
DaringLion · 20/02/2025 17:28

So she didn’t try to add you