I don't think I can stay with my husband

[Ilostseptember]

We've been together 30 years. We love each other and have 1 13 year old child. For the last 5 -10 years there has been a variety of truly horrific life experience. His mother got very ill, my father died, his mother died, I had an ectopic pregnancy. During this time he has risen through the ranks in his job. Public sector, now a director and very, very stressed. I just never wanted to be the directors wife, I work part time because one of us needs to be around for our son and I can't rely on my husband, to reduce his stress burden I keep taking on family responsibility but I can no longer take being the house keeper, nanny and work. I don't even really see the benefits of the extra money. What do I do? I've repeatedly asked him to review his job, told him I'm unhappy but truthfully I believe I can only influence me and I think I will have to leave the person I love because I can't live this lifestyle with him. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Hi
I know what you mean and many have identified and you recognise that this is dissatisfaction of how life has turned out .
I'm a company work widow too . I used to work and outsourced , cleaner , childcare etc . Still have two children at home one still dependent at age 9 .
My husband's career took off while mine halted at part time . I gave up working as he was working long hours or even away / abroad .
It seemed I was left behind while his life was oh so exciting , travel , hotels , meals out . It was really hard for me and caused a lot of issues of feeling abandoned from my own childhood . I realised although we are married and love each other he is not responsible for my health or happiness . I am .
He is responsible for all the bills and living costs .
When he's home he's an active loving partner / father . While I get to be in our lovely home with our two children and he's at work .

Honestly I would have loved a husband who was home for tea every night , but that would have taken its own toll of an exhausted working wife .
Some families found this balance , we didnt .
We love each other anyway .

Honestly with working part time and one 13 year old child how much are you really “taking on”?
If your problem was how much you seen him I would understand more where you were coming from but I don’t from your OP.
You don’t “need” to work part time for a 13 year old, you could work more if you wanted to.
What are all the extra responsibilities you feel you take on?

Why would being single make your life any easier than it is now?

Also, describing yourself as a nanny to YOUR OWN CHILD, and a thirteen-year-old at that, makes you sound ridiculous.

Of course it is! Life with one thirteen year old is going to be much easier than life with three under four. Unless, of course, you're going to dripfeed that your child has SEN.

Might not be welcome but: if you really love your husband, you need to sort things out domestically so that when he is home, you are able to be there for him. Make your home as stress-free as possible for all your sakes. You've all been through a series of traumatic life events so you would probably all benefit from a bit of a break. With the extra money, you could surely give up pt work and hire a cleaner.

Similar situation here. But we have a cleaner too once a week and a gardener once a month so it's not all on me. Would that help?

You aren't happy. I think it's really hard to tell if your husband is actually the cause of this and what needs to change.

Could you get some therapy to explore this?

We'll just have to differ on that one along with the child's age.

Your subsequent update sounds as if housework, child rearing etc is a total side issue.