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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mum is so selfish!!

49 replies

Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:00

Just that really, I've never known such a selfish person in all my life. This is a bit of a rant so apologises but just don't have anyone to talk to.

So long story short, I've got court on the 11th of march I've got a court case for a non molestation order going through for a previous ex. That in itself is a long story but this is about how selfish my mum is. So asked my mum if she could have my daughter and youngest boy for me that day, she said she's working the night before and will need to sleep. She does 3 sometimes 4 nights a week. I said ok, my brother said he will have them for me means my youngest boy will have to be off school as I need to leave here at 8am to meet my solicitor for 9am as the hearing starts at 10am. He lives an hour and half away. That week my mums going to my brothers for her annual leave which is annoying as she said she was 'working' my brother says to her I'm having the kids for my sister so she can attend the court hearing she gets the ass says 'oh I wanted to spend the week with my son' 'why do you have to have the kids for her' 'oh I just won't come down then' my brother says she has no one else and needs to attend this important hearing mum it's only for a few hours in the morning then she will pick them up, plus your down the Monday anyways it's only a day, she moans about this even though they are her grandchildren mind but says ok, so I've also been really down and depressed which she knows I've been wanting to get back to work and trying to get a job that fits round the kids, anyways I've got an interview this Thursday for a job I used to do in the nhs which I loved, I had asked her ages ago if she would sit with the kids for two hours just so I can travel there and back and so I can attend the interview she says no I'm working the night before I was like ok. Anyways I find out she isn't working I ask her again and stressing to her that I really need to go to this interview and that it will really help me getting a job etc she agrees to do it.

Then this morning she messages me two days before the interview and says I'm not having the kids. Don't get me wrong I've managed to sort someone else out but I hate asking this person as they also have 4 children themselves, I had a pop at my mum because I'm just sick of never getting help from her, I understand that she works but it's for a job interview and I asked because of an important court case she never wants to help or try and support me she lives 10 mins away and I'm just so angry about it all because it's not so I can go away, or so I can get drunk or it's a date it's actually for things that are important and she can't do shit for me ever.

It's extremely lonely being on my own with 4 kids and I've even said to her how I'm feeling but she just doesn't want to ever help. I'm ranting because I've never known anyone soo fucking selfish in all my life, yes they are my kids but she's 10 mins away and it's for couple hours max!!!!

Please don't comment on this thread if you're going to make smart comments because they won't be taken so well. I just don't get why she don't want to help especially when she knows I struggle and have no one else to help me out ever. I'm always doing stuff for her taking her here and there, helping with forms and she also wants me to help with her passport but I've told her no I'm not doing anything anymore for her. She cancels me all the time last min too. I'm just so fed up of having family that just don't want to help me out. It's not even all the time I ask, I only ask if it's super important like these two things are. I don't even know why I'm posting I'm just ranting. I just think to myself why do I bother with her the woman don't do shit for me and all it is with her is drama anyways. Ergh rant over!

OP posts:
MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 18/02/2025 18:03

No smart comments from me. She sounds thoroughly selfish. Flowers

TipsyJoker · 18/02/2025 18:05

Stop doing anything for her. Time to take a step back from her completely. She’s doesn’t have your back and she’s only causing you stress, resentment and anxiety. It’s hard being a single mum. Maybe you could look into professional babysitting services for when you have something important like a job interview or court.

Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:06

She's always been the same. Can never do anything for me ever. I just envy people with parents who help them out and want to spend time with their grandchildren my dads the same doesn't even know my kids too busy in his own selfish bubble they both shouldn't of had kids if honest. They don't have a maternal bone on their body. She literally disgusts me. I'm just so angry with her, she sat there before and was like oh my granddaughter don't know me and all this and I think this is why! You aren't a fucking grand parent are you? You're a self absorbed bitch. Me me me, I I I self self self!!!

OP posts:
Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:09

Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:06

She's always been the same. Can never do anything for me ever. I just envy people with parents who help them out and want to spend time with their grandchildren my dads the same doesn't even know my kids too busy in his own selfish bubble they both shouldn't of had kids if honest. They don't have a maternal bone on their body. She literally disgusts me. I'm just so angry with her, she sat there before and was like oh my granddaughter don't know me and all this and I think this is why! You aren't a fucking grand parent are you? You're a self absorbed bitch. Me me me, I I I self self self!!!

@TipsyJoker honestly I think you're right. Last year she didn't get a card for my birthday, she didn't even get my daughter a card for her first birthday, she didn't get my sons anything either but she gave my sister £200 for her birthday in the may when mine was the April and so was my daughters. I've always got her Xmas gifts, Mother's Day gifts and birthday gifts out of us 3 kids I'm the only one whose always bothered and I just think what a mug I am.

OP posts:
Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:10

Didn't mean to quote myself 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 18/02/2025 18:24

Your mum clearly does not want to help you so stop relying on her, stop asking her for anything. Stop expecting anything from her.

To be fair to her, it isn't her job to look after your dcs, especially if she's working shifts. It would be nice if she would, but it isn't her job.

It is pretty selfish of her to try to stop your brother from helping you though.

I hope your court case and interview go well.

CuteEasterBunny · 18/02/2025 18:29

I would cut her out in all honesty.

Could your son not go to breakfast club or maybe ask another parent to take him to school for you?

Find paid childcare for interviews etc? Befriend some mums where you can help each other out.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/02/2025 18:33

But. Are we not allowed to say that your mum isn't responsible for your kids? Because she isn't. Neither is your dad.
So for me selfish is the wrong word.

Yes you can be sad and upset about that she doesn't help you. It must be beyond hard being a single mother to four, and I assume without the money for sitters. But, it isn't her responsibility.

speakball · 18/02/2025 18:35

I’m guessing if it was her going to court she’d expect you, your brother and the whole world to make it easy for her?

There's no words. It is what it is. See it and her for what this means.

Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:37

arethereanyleftatall · 18/02/2025 18:33

But. Are we not allowed to say that your mum isn't responsible for your kids? Because she isn't. Neither is your dad.
So for me selfish is the wrong word.

Yes you can be sad and upset about that she doesn't help you. It must be beyond hard being a single mother to four, and I assume without the money for sitters. But, it isn't her responsibility.

No it's not her responsibility as I've already stated. What I'm saying is to ask her for some support very rarely in important circumstances isn't a crime either after all I'm her child and they are her grandchildren. Yet she expects every other person to round around after her like with me I've always helped her constantly with forms and shit because she 'can't do them' given her lifts to places and other things and yet I ask for a favour and she never can do it like never ever. But she's the type of woman that goes round saying oh my grand children this my grand children that. You don't ever fucking bother with them. Even new years she tried to start a row with me cos she was pissed we was at my brothers trying to give me parenting advice and making snide comments and digs and I'm just sick of all of it over time it's boiled and boiled and I'm just done with it all.

OP posts:
Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:38

speakball · 18/02/2025 18:35

I’m guessing if it was her going to court she’d expect you, your brother and the whole world to make it easy for her?

There's no words. It is what it is. See it and her for what this means.

Yep she's that kind of woman!! Nailed it!

OP posts:
Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:39

CuteEasterBunny · 18/02/2025 18:29

I would cut her out in all honesty.

Could your son not go to breakfast club or maybe ask another parent to take him to school for you?

Find paid childcare for interviews etc? Befriend some mums where you can help each other out.

To be honest I think your right I did it with my 'father' so I'm quite capable of doing it to her. Both do fuck all for me, no support, no ear to talk to not just the kids scenario it's everything. Just need to fuck her off from now on.

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 18/02/2025 18:41

Play her at her own game, sorry mum can’t fill the forms in for your because ………. Sorry mum can’t take to to whoever we because …..

helping people works both ways

did she get help when you were young? If so remind her of that

Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 18:44

Vaxtable · 18/02/2025 18:41

Play her at her own game, sorry mum can’t fill the forms in for your because ………. Sorry mum can’t take to to whoever we because …..

helping people works both ways

did she get help when you were young? If so remind her of that

Yep she did, went to my grandparents on both sides during holidays for a week or weekend at a time, went to my dads sisters so aunts quite a bit too. She also had my dad there to help before their marriage crumbled. Then after they broke up my sister was only 5 she had myself who had her nearly every weekend when I had my own baby and was going through post natal so she could fuck off and get pissed with her new boyfriend. My nan also had my sister for her so she could go to Portugal and Cyprus with her new boyfriend too. When I say all this she has selective memory!!

OP posts:
CoolPlayer · 18/02/2025 19:21

Ah that’s really rubbish and confusing. Can understand why you wanted to vent x

Wsxx · 18/02/2025 20:19

OP, @TipsyJoker is correct as are others.
Stop any contact with her.
Do not reach out.
Be 100% unavailable to her.

I appreciate this can be difficult to believe, understand and accept, but mothers like yours are mothers in name only.

They don't like their children.
They don't wish them well.
They don't want them to succeed.
They won't do anything to help them.

They will try and make life harder.
They like to see them suffer.

Your mother is the utter dregs of society.

She will use everything you tell her, every need you express, every emotion you share, to hurt you.

When you believe this and accept it, it is the first step to you really protecting yourself against an utterly toxic presence in your life.

I'm so sorry life is so hard.
Step away from her permanently will be a powerful first step to a better life.

Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 20:39

Wsxx · 18/02/2025 20:19

OP, @TipsyJoker is correct as are others.
Stop any contact with her.
Do not reach out.
Be 100% unavailable to her.

I appreciate this can be difficult to believe, understand and accept, but mothers like yours are mothers in name only.

They don't like their children.
They don't wish them well.
They don't want them to succeed.
They won't do anything to help them.

They will try and make life harder.
They like to see them suffer.

Your mother is the utter dregs of society.

She will use everything you tell her, every need you express, every emotion you share, to hurt you.

When you believe this and accept it, it is the first step to you really protecting yourself against an utterly toxic presence in your life.

I'm so sorry life is so hard.
Step away from her permanently will be a powerful first step to a better life.

Honestly this is correct she don't want me to succeed she don't want me doing well. Never have I ever had any validation from her my whole life. Never a I'm proud of you or anything like that (no I don't need it) but sometimes it's nice to hear. She's never been my cheerleader that's for sure. She always puts me down or makes remarks or comments especially when she's had a drink. She's not a mother never has been she's just a selfish self absorbed asshole who thinks about herself and her needs mostly. Just because she failed in her own life and continues to do so.

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 18/02/2025 20:44

Just cut her out. See my username, I'm so pleased I did this with toxic family members.

You obviously have enough on your plate without her proving more stress and upset.

TagSplashMaverick · 18/02/2025 22:00

Her lying to you about work and then trying to encourage your brother not to help you out with your children while you’re in court for a non-mil order (!!!) is really fucking awful.

category12 · 18/02/2025 22:12

To be honest, she's probably part of the reason you ended up in an abusive relationship. You were never given that essential framework of love and support to help you build your 'sharkcage'.

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2025 22:20

arethereanyleftatall · 18/02/2025 18:33

But. Are we not allowed to say that your mum isn't responsible for your kids? Because she isn't. Neither is your dad.
So for me selfish is the wrong word.

Yes you can be sad and upset about that she doesn't help you. It must be beyond hard being a single mother to four, and I assume without the money for sitters. But, it isn't her responsibility.

Then she shouldn't say she'll do it and then back out

She shouldn't try and stop the someone else doing it either

That's just spiteful

BettyBardMacDonald · 18/02/2025 22:22

arethereanyleftatall · 18/02/2025 18:33

But. Are we not allowed to say that your mum isn't responsible for your kids? Because she isn't. Neither is your dad.
So for me selfish is the wrong word.

Yes you can be sad and upset about that she doesn't help you. It must be beyond hard being a single mother to four, and I assume without the money for sitters. But, it isn't her responsibility.

Agree. Maybe she's weary of the chaos. That's not "selfish."

Ariesburn · 18/02/2025 22:28

@BettyBardMacDonald what chaos? What are you on about?

OP posts:
muggart · 19/02/2025 09:25

What a horrible woman. I don't rely on my mum for anything really but if I had a court case or important job interview and really needed her I have no doubt she would step up. It is a relatively small sacrifice on her part for a huge impact on your life.

I'm sorry you have such a selfish mother OP.

Ariesburn · 19/02/2025 09:32

muggart · 19/02/2025 09:25

What a horrible woman. I don't rely on my mum for anything really but if I had a court case or important job interview and really needed her I have no doubt she would step up. It is a relatively small sacrifice on her part for a huge impact on your life.

I'm sorry you have such a selfish mother OP.

Yeah most parents would it's just mine who doesn't.

As I've previously said being a single mum is rather isolating and lonely and I can't even count on her just for a couple of hours. I wouldn't ever do this to my children when they need me.

I don't think I'll be going to the interview now anyways I've woken up really unwell.

OP posts: