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Original poster

Sister's wedding

30 replies

tinaabbot · 18/02/2025 12:38

My sister stopped talking to me a number of years ago, just stopped. She will blank me in public even in front of people.

She's getting married at the start of the summer. Would you attend considering the likelihood that she will just blank me and my partner on the day?

OP posts:
DappledThings · 18/02/2025 12:41

Is she likely to actually invite you if these are the circumstances? It doesn't sound like it's going to be a decision you have to make. Or has she already invited you? If she has then no, of course I wouldn't.

TheGlamour · 18/02/2025 12:42

Have You Been Invited?!?

Original poster
tinaabbot · 18/02/2025 12:45

Yes, unfortunately have been invited. It would be easier if she hadn't :-(

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 18/02/2025 12:45

Sometimes it’s worth doing things for the sake of the other people around you who you care about. If she’s invited you to her wedding despite not having any kind of relationship with you then she’s probably done this at least in part to make your parents happy. You can respond to that by going along and putting a smile on your face to do likewise. Your sister will be busy getting married: you can attend and have a good time with other family members and your DH without any sort of awkwardness being likely.

I have a brother I don’t speak to (no major falling out, we simply have no interest in each other) and honestly, if he fell off the edge of the world tomorrow I wouldn’t care. But I make an effort when I see him on special occasions because to do anything else would upset our parents, and I care more about them then I do making a point for myself.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 18/02/2025 12:46

Go - you might enjoy it.

Original poster
tinaabbot · 18/02/2025 12:49

That's exactly my dilemma @ComtesseDeSpair, but equally I don't want to put my partner in the awkward situation of being blanked so publicly. It's pretty humiliating to be with a group of people and have one person refuse to acknowledge you exist

OP posts:
Ratisshortforratthew · 18/02/2025 12:50

Personally I’d ignore the invite and not go. Very weird she’s invited you.

category12 · 18/02/2025 12:52

Why don't you contact her and ask if you're invited for appearances sake or if it's an olive branch? Obviously not in those words.

RaininSummer · 18/02/2025 12:55

If you intend to go then surely you want to build bridges with her and so message or speak beforehand. If not then you shouldn't go and politely turn it down. By inviting you she may be extending an olive branch.

discdiscsnap · 18/02/2025 12:57

I would not attend the wedding of someone who doesn't speak to me how odd

Jasmin71 · 18/02/2025 13:03

She has invited you because she doesn't want awkward questions from other family member about your absence at her wedding.

I just wouldn't go, unless she was to ask me politely to my face.

TheFlis · 18/02/2025 13:11

Can you suggest meeting up before the wedding to catch up and clear the air? If she says no then she clearly doesn’t want to build bridges so you can decline.

category12 · 18/02/2025 13:12

Jasmin71 · 18/02/2025 13:03

She has invited you because she doesn't want awkward questions from other family member about your absence at her wedding.

I just wouldn't go, unless she was to ask me politely to my face.

But refusing to go plays into her hands a bit, if we're playing the good PR within the family game. She can say honestly that she invited op and was rejected.

Depends what the family dynamics are and if wider family are going to then think op's the squeaky wheel and whether that bothers op.

I think if op is open to reconciliation, if she contacts her beforehand, then she'll know the score one way or another.

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/02/2025 13:15

tinaabbot · 18/02/2025 12:49

That's exactly my dilemma @ComtesseDeSpair, but equally I don't want to put my partner in the awkward situation of being blanked so publicly. It's pretty humiliating to be with a group of people and have one person refuse to acknowledge you exist

Was your DP the cause of the falling out, or has he been stirring the pot since? If and when my somewhat estranged brother gets married, I can’t imagine my primary thought around attending the wedding being whether DH would feel humiliated because my brother and I don’t get on. He wouldn’t be humiliated, because it’s nothing to do with him. Why did you fall out, and have either you or your sister previously attempted to work it out?

How many people are likely to be attending, do other family members know? If it’s very small then that does add to the awkwardness; but I’ve been to several medium/large weddings and had barely any interaction with the bride and groom because it’s been busy and hectic. At anything other than a small wedding, you aren’t going to have to worry about “being blanked” so much as just not having much interaction at all.

RebelStarChild · 18/02/2025 13:16

Your sister just stopped talking to you one day and you never asked why?
Has no one else noticed that she just blanks you? They never asked why either?

TheGlamour · 18/02/2025 13:17

What do you want from your relationship going forward?

Bearing in mind any other family whose contentment may matter to you.

If you have no interest at all in a thawing of hostilities then just decline the invitation.

If you think there’s any possibility that marriage might offer your sister a new perspective on life - and you’d be open to improved relations with her - then go. She may not acknowledge you on the day, but she won’t forget that you made the effort.

TipsyJoker · 18/02/2025 13:25

Do you want a relationship with her? Do you want to go? If the answer to both is no, then don’t go. If the answer to either is yes. Go.

Quitelikeit · 18/02/2025 13:28

Who the hell does that?!

If you want to make amends then reach out prior to going

If not then just don’t bother going

Girlmom35 · 18/02/2025 13:38

I would not go unless there has been a conversation prior to the wedding to smooth things over.
I would be very curious to know what motivated her to invite you. Did she do it as an attempt to reconsile or was it just a family obligation?

TheGlamour · 18/02/2025 13:43

Perhaps the person she is marrying has pointed out how sad it will be if they have children who never get to know their aunt?

And really, so many threads here with OPs bemoaning lack of family help with tiny children. Or poor communication with siblings as their shared parents become elderly and need help.

Life is long. Family rupture is unnatural and hugely inconvenient for all concerned.

GinToBegin · 18/02/2025 13:56

Life is long. Family rupture is unnatural and hugely inconvenient for all concerned.

I don’t know about that. We were estranged from my aunt and uncle for maybe 30 years. Then my aunt reunited us by dying, and next thing you know, we’re back in the fold. But my uncle has a ferocious temper (resulting in some really bad behaviour) and what do you know, there’s been a falling out (because of a wedding, who’d’a thought it?) and we are estranged again.

Those 30 years were long, and for some of them, DM and I could really have used some moral support, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I have anything more to do with him. It has meant losing contact with cousins, because they daren’t fall out with their father, so I suppose there is that inconvenience, but it’s far, far less than the inconvenience of trying to make a relationship work with someone who is monumentally difficult to deal with.

Honestly OP, I’d skip the wedding altogether. Life is long, but it’s far too short to waste much of it on people who do not value you - and show it.

Comfortablycosy · 18/02/2025 14:04

I think it’s a token invite and you’re meant to decline.

Hannah1011 · 18/02/2025 14:59

What happened for her to blank you like that?

TheGlamour · 18/02/2025 15:03

I acknowledge some things just can’t be saved, @GinToBegin.

And I’m sure there’s a lot more to the story that the OP understandably doesn’t want to share.

wizzywig · 18/02/2025 15:05

Go and make sure you're in plenty of the pictures